To be upset for finding this out on Facebook?

[Greycloudofdoom]

I found out my best friend is pregnant through her Facebook post. She’s 12 weeks. She was one of the first people I told when I was expecting, and she’s my sons godmother. I haven’t and won’t say to her I’m a bit upset, but AIBU to be a bit miffed? I just thought she thought more of me than to let me find out at the same time as 500 others..

All of my close friends and family told us personally when they were pregnant before putting it on social media and we did the same so I can understand why you would be a bit confused.

However, I don't think you should give it more thought, she's chosen a different way to tell you, it's a tough time at the moment for everyone and she will have her reasons. Leave it there, be happy for her and move on!

If you were really her best friend this wouldn't bother you, your initial and only thought would be how happy you were for her and you would be picking up the phone to congratulate her if talking is so important to you.

Think of facebook as the modern making an announcement while out with friends or at a party. Would you have expected to be taken aside and told first. This is your problem with how you think things should be done, not hers.

She promptly announced that in future anyone who made her life events about themselves in this way would be the last to find out in future. (Shes very direct , and entirely wonderful with it)

She sounds a bit of a twat actually!

“Announcing” it on Facebook

@PeggyPorschen

thecatsthecats bridesmaids are a bit different, you are very nice.

I would only compare the pregnancy announcement to the engagement announcement. Both perfectly suitable for social media without anyone feeling miffed or hurt.

Funnily enough this friend snuck her pregnancy past me at my wedding so as not to distract from it, though she had told another friend secretly, but recently told me before anyone else that she's expecting another.

I just don't think it pays to have hard and fast rules for things like this, for yourself or for other people.

I don't think I'm so much nice as a wise old bird. These things can only be ripples in the stream if you let them. You can enjoy the nice things about a person so long as you know the boundaries and limits.

My best friend would be so pissed off if I announced on Facebook that I was pregnant without telling her, as I would be if she didn't tell me before announcing. A friend you don't see often or talk too much, that's fine, but not best friends!

@PeggyPorschen

It wasn't about a pregnancy.

My point is still valid.

How ? when you have revelled in pointing out my overreaction to a pregnancy. You have no fucking idea what the fb post was about, or anything else going on in that particular friendship, or the ops friendship for that matter. I have clearly stated its not about the FB topic it's the statement about the friendship that hurts, if you have formerly shared everything with a friend and that suddenly shifts it can be hurtful, not too difficult a concept to grasp unless you have had an empathy bypass.

It's the modern way. I agree it feels wrong, but YABU because it is the new normal.

Aw that's lovely news. When I was pregnant we decided not to tell anyone until I was 3 months but I was too excited and blurted it out to someone in the supermarket. I then realised I had to tell people or it wouldn't be my announcement anymore. I told my family then made a fb post later that day. They might just be wrapped up in excitement. Be happy for them, and support your friend, you know she's going to need your support through this x

not too difficult a concept to grasp unless you have had an empathy bypass.

wow you are clearly very upset about it
it doesn't mean I am wrong.

You have no fucking idea what the fb post was about
You can stick to vague posts but don't complain that you are being misunderstood and the world is unfair...

My point stands, unless you are directly involved, you are being childish.
Your friend IS sharing, you know about it!

If your own situation was that your friend suddenly stops meeting you, stop calling or texting and avoided you completely, your problem has nothing to do with a FB announcement.

You want everything to be around YOU, we get that. I am allowed to find that childish and unreasonable.

@Shinyletsbebadguys

I've got a friend who after an incident where she had mentioned a life change (not a particularly big one) on Facebook got reams of texts from different people claiming they were offended she hadn't rung them first. She promptly announced that in future anyone who made her life events about themselves in this way would be the last to find out in future. (Shes very direct , and entirely wonderful with it)

She held true to it. In a few months something else occurred and she followed through. When challenged by a friend she pointed out that if they were so self involved their first thought was how to make it about themselves then clearly they weren't as close as they thought.

If your need to be special and important trumps someone elses life event then I would question why you are so needy for external validation.

@Shinyletsbebadguys I think you might be posting about me

I must admit I’m not a fan of these fb pregnancy announcements. That said, I wouldn’t take offence in this situation. I guess this is how they wanted to tell everyone. I’d just leave a message of congrats.

I think some people believe such big news deserves as many likes and comments on social media as possible so they go for the wow factor with a big shock Facebook announcement. Other people are different and prefer to see the shock and happiness on people's faces as they tell them. I told family and close friends first in person but found that when I made the announcement more public everyone had already been told anyway. Maybe your friend didn't want this for herself.

I’m giving birth in 3 weeks and half my friends and family still haven’t got a clue. I didn’t “announce” on Facebook and my friends found out as and when I felt comfortable telling them.
This is your friends news to tell and she can do it however she likes. You are not owed advanced notifications, you’ve made this all about you. The fact she told everyone at the same time has annoyed you because you wanted to feel special knowing a secret before everyone else. A good friend will respect a friends wishes on how they chose to share their news.

Other people are different and prefer to see the shock and happiness on people's faces as they tell them.

and other people don't put themselves on such a high pedestal that they think their news are so important that individual and private announcements must be made when a more general post not putting anyone on the spot is perfectly fine 🤷

And the rest of us are not so precious and are happy to share and be informed in any way is chosen, and just happy for their friends and family regardless.

Well you're both being unreasonable. Her to 'announce' at all, particularly before 20 weeks. How tedious of her. No doubt she'll be oversharing her whole parenting learning curve. You, well, it is her personal life. Yes it sucks that she wants to make that everyone's business but that is her choice, her life. It's also likely you are realising you perhaps you made a mistake when you trusted in her.

This would bother me too.
I hate how things have become so impersonal since social media.

This is upsetting and I can see why. All the predictable "its not about you" posts miss the point because if you're best friends with someone you would like to think this is news they would share with you first.

I'd be a bit miffed too tbh. Rather tell my family and friends way before I tell some near on strangers on social media. So YANBU

@LagunaBubbles

This is upsetting and I can see why. All the predictable "its not about you" posts miss the point because if you're best friends with someone you would like to think this is news they would share with you first.

But expecting to find out first is making it about you. It doesn’t take into consideration how the friend feels and how they would prefer to share their news.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all OP. If you're best friends then it would make sense that she would text or call you to let you know first, that's a perfectly normal thing to do. Then post on Facebook for acquaintances, distant family or whatever.

When I was pregnant, I told my mum at 6 weeks, PIL at 10weeks, our siblings around the same time. Then we put it on Facebook after the 12 week scan. If I had best friends, they would've found out before it was on Facebook. That's how it works in the real world. Mumsnet is so weird.

I can see why you’re upset but let me play devil’s advocate. Early pregnancy is not always an easy time- sometimes it’s fraught for anxiety for home reasons or perhaps you had problems like a threatened miscarriage. Maybe there is a reason she didn’t want to get into a one on one conversation about it.

It’s completely irrational to say that because you told her first and made her Godmother (your choice) that she owes you a particular behaviour in return rather than making her own choice. It doesn’t make sense and doesn’t help you by creating some fictional hierarchy of friendship importance and placing yourself on it and then expecting it to pan out the way you hope - can you see that it doesn’t make sense or tell you anything about how she sees you as a friend? This kind of thinking is going to provide many disappointments in life.

Honestly, I don't like facebook 'announcements'
I only told my closest friends and my family. I never put anything on social media until he was born. Why do you want random people you aren't close to knowing? I have friends on facebook from high school who just don't need to know.
This time round I haven't told any friends yet, I'm waiting until my scan but I will just send them a personal message.
It's not that i'm keeping a secret I just don't think Facebook needs to know and you have a right to be upset that your friend couldn't just write a message and forward to her closest friends!

Also another reason I don't like Facebook posts is because you don't know everyone's personal struggle with fertility and sometimes people are a little insensitive to others who may be struggling.

That's how it works in the real world. Mumsnet is so weird.

Not only posters are in the real world where else do you think they are
but the simple fact that this thread exists shows you that it DOES happen in the real world.

What you meant is that YOU chose a different way. Posters with a different opinion just prove to you that we don't all think and act like you chose to, and our "normal" is not yours.