To think my boss's wife is being paranoid

[Hop27]

Work closely with my boss, I'm the most senior person in his management team. We had a big win recently so went out to celebrate (with partners), it ended up being a boozy night. As I went to leave with my DH I hugged everyone goodbye. The next day my boss was worried that he'd been a little over familiar, because his wife pulled him up on it saying he'd been inappropriate.
A few weeks later, we are in another city with work it had been a big day and we had a late dinner in the hotel bar, with a couple of drinks. His wife called around 10pm and said again he was being inappropriate drinking with me alone. He then got the cold treatment for the rest of the trip, she wouldn't take his calls etc and you could tell he was upset. I am doing the wrong thing? I enjoy his company, but that's it I am very happily married. Is she paranoid or am I over stepping the mark by having a drink with him?

@BlueThistles

And if he has a form for it, she should think of herself better and dump his cheating arse anyway.

how would OP know any of this 🤔

I was adding to choco's in reaction to the other post

Is it normal to do that in Oz culture?

I think regardless of your thoughts on it, his wife doesn't like it. It has caused tension between them. It's not your fault in any way. But l would back off.

@LadyTiredWinterBottom2

Is it normal to do that in Oz culture?

I think regardless of your thoughts on it, his wife doesn't like it. It has caused tension between them. It's not your fault in any way. But l would back off.

Hug people??

Interesting. Wonder if his wife is actually annoyed or if he's making it up in order to plant the seed in your mind that you two could actually get it on. Don't discredit that, some men are weirdly manipulative. He's setting himself up nicely for 'My wife's a complete psycho, I'm so trapped. Have sex with me so I can taste freedom.'

THAT had actually crossed my mind too. I did go on this thread earlier today and I think my takeaway from the whole thing is, why did he have to tell the OP and burden her with his 'guilt' while making his wife look a bit silly in the process? I don't like the guy at all and I don't even know him. I think it's lousy of him to talk down his wife AND dump guilt on the OP over her supposed 'behaviour'.
OP, earlier in the thread, I told you to dial it back and respect the wife's views a bit (not in those words but similar) and I regret saying that because it really implies that you're in the wrong (you're not!) and that you need to do the back peddling (you don't).

If this post is anything to go by I'm simultaneously conducting affairs with all 4 male members of my team 🙄

@chocolatesaltyballs22

If this post is anything to go by I'm simultaneously conducting affairs with all 4 male members of my team 🙄

😱 naughty corner. Now.

@chocolatesaltyballs22

If this post is anything to go by I'm simultaneously conducting affairs with all 4 male members of my team 🙄

Well from this post it seems everyone will attribute any friendliness you show and any achievement you're recognised for to your shagging your entire team so I say go forth and enjoy it

@SleepingStandingUp hug colleagues. I work with mostly men and l certainly don't hug them regardless of how successful we have been.

Well from this post it seems everyone will attribute any friendliness you show and any achievement you're recognised for to your shagging your entire team so I say go forth and enjoy it

Hmmmm... Which one to do first 🤔

@chocolatesaltyballs22

Well from this post it seems everyone will attribute any friendliness you show and any achievement you're recognised for to your shagging your entire team so I say go forth and enjoy it

Hmmmm... Which one to do first 🤔

Omg you're so boring. All together obv. That's what I wrote in the office toilets anyway.

[quote LadyTiredWinterBottom2]@SleepingStandingUp hug colleagues. I work with mostly men and l certainly don't hug them regardless of how successful we have been.[/quote]
I'm not sure it's a nationality thing so much as an industry / business / people thing.

😂😂 Why on earth didn't I think of that! An orgy is clearly the most obvious choice.

She might have very good reason. None of your business, really.

This sort of thing sorts the girls' girls from the men’s girls

Yep!

@AlexaShutUp

Wow! I'm surprised by the judgemental comments on here! None of the behaviour that you have described in your OP sounds particularly off to me. I don't think your boss should be complaining to you about his wife though.

Me too. Doesn't go with anything I've ever experienced before, except from talking to Americans. One poster said she wouldn't drink alone with her boss or with a junior. What is there's nobody on the exact same level as you. You can't drink alone with anyone? What do you do? Make everyone else sign a paper saying they'll leave the same time as you? What if you go to the toilet and come back to find some colleagues have gone to bed. Shock horror, you're in the hotel bar alone with someone higher or lower than you. This is just mad!

I don’t think theres anything wrong with having a drink with your boss, or a meal or whatever, just the two of you. Especially if you’re both away together for work.

I definitely think there’s something wrong in a boss telling his employee that his wife thinks it’s inappropriate. I can’t see any good reason for telling her that, and nobody has been able to provide one. He could have so easily just not told the OP and she would never know.

Are you British by any chance - and the boss and wife are Australian?

Married men and women don't usually socialise as directly there as they do here - think men and women separating instinctively at a BBQ, men at the BBQ and women in the kitchen. It happens without even thinking, you just do it. Not always, but a great deal.

I wonder if you've behaved more "familiar" than she's used to seeing and this is all a big culture clash.

@PicsInRed

Are you British by any chance - and the boss and wife are Australian?

Married men and women don't usually socialise as directly there as they do here - think men and women separating instinctively at a BBQ, men at the BBQ and women in the kitchen. It happens without even thinking, you just do it. Not always, but a great deal.

I wonder if you've behaved more "familiar" than she's used to seeing and this is all a big culture clash.

That's interesting. I would have a problem because screw the kitchen I want to be where the meat and beer source is😂

I am just a man with boobs, am i😔

Are you British by any chance - and the boss and wife are Australian? Married men and women don't usually socialise as directly there as they do here - think men and women separating instinctively at a BBQ, men at the BBQ and women in the kitchen.

Well I don't live in Oz anymore but apparently it's changed quite a lot since I did. I thought the DW in this scenario particularly unreasonable because Aussies are more huggy and less formal than poms.

Unless these businesses outings are in Bundaberg or Childers (rural, backwards Queensland) I think this is nonsense.

@NotSurprisedReally

Interesting. Wonder if his wife is actually annoyed or if he's making it up in order to plant the seed in your mind that you two could actually get it on. Don't discredit that, some men are weirdly manipulative. He's setting himself up nicely for 'My wife's a complete psycho, I'm so trapped. Have sex with me so I can taste freedom.'

That was one of my first thoughts when I read this - he's fishing but then the OP herself is reticent on the details of her drunk behaviour that night.

As I understand it there's still a pandemic in Australia. I haven't hugged my friends or my parents or my sister in months I'm not about to start hugging my colleagues.

My rule of thumb is that if you have to ask if it's OK, it probably isn't.

Cultures around hugging or not vary massively all over the world. I live in a country (not Australia) where hugging is the norm. Hugging colleagues, friends, pretty much anyone you have met more than once. It isn´t a big ten minute hug with bodies crushed together, but there is arm around shoulder/back action. Do people really not know that there are different cultures for hugging, and that some places it is an entirely normal form of interpersonal contact? Are these the same people who can´t get their heads around Covid infection levels and restrictions being different to wherever they live?

@emilyfrost

Drinking alone with him is inappropriate, yes. And perhaps have a rethink about hugging absolutely everyone; it’s not always appropriate and a lot of people don’t like it and feel uncomfortable saying so.

You most certainly shouldn’t be having “boozy nights out” and “big dinners” during a pandemic, nor should you be touching anyone else either.

Hardly 🤔

I was adding to choco's in reaction to the other post

oh righto 🤣

YANBU OP the wife has issues she needs to work on.