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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My reformed alcoholic partner doesn't want me to drink

159 replies

Ultrarunner · 19/11/2020 19:35

She's 30 years sober and I totally respect this.
We met online 2 years ago
I moved 300 miles to her from rural Yorkshire to SE England 15 months ago (I'm a teacher, can work anywhere, spent today on an online conference where I was nominated for a national award - not boasting, just clarifying)
I bought a bottle of wine to celebrate with the intention of having a glass - she has shunned the dinner I prepared and gone to bed which I get BUT - I feel like I'm compromising me. I'm not going to neck vats of wine but I want to unwind without feeling like - well, like shit
I get that she is struggling but AIBU to feel controlled?

OP posts:
Blossomhill4 · 20/11/2020 10:35

I’m not a big drinker so personally I could abide by not having a drink in the house if I was dating someone who had issues with alcohol previous. Anybody with an addiction could slip back into old ways so it does make sense not to tempt fate.

I think if you wanted to have a drink in the pub with a friend that’s totally fine not at home though.

Savourysenorita · 20/11/2020 10:45

Ahh I think I know whats happened. I reckon they ops partner is absolutely distraught and devastated that after all her hard work and 30years sobriety she's discovered that she's just moved in with a still active alcoholic....

Lepetitpiggy · 20/11/2020 10:57

Our compromise is that, and I have never asked him not to do this but he worked it out, he will not drink the particular drinks I craved when I was drinking. So, he wont drink wine or gin or vodka in front of me, but will drink 4.5% beer for example - something I ever touched (far too weak!)
This may sound daft ,but it works for us

PaperTowels · 20/11/2020 15:54

@Savourysenorita

Ahh I think I know whats happened. I reckon they ops partner is absolutely distraught and devastated that after all her hard work and 30years sobriety she's discovered that she's just moved in with a still active alcoholic....
Yup. Or the OP's dependence on alcohol has increased since they moved in.
GlowingOrb · 20/11/2020 16:04

This is something that should have been discussed and planned before moving in. It isn’t about control. There should be a mutually agreed upon set of rules with significant weight given to the needs of the alcoholic partner. If those rules are too demanding for the other person, then it isn’t a viable relationship.

switswooo · 20/11/2020 16:17

I bought a bottle of wine to celebrate with the intention of having a glass - she has shunned the dinner I prepared

It is extremely irresponsible to drink with your ex-alcoholic spouse. Did you even ask her permission for intending to buy wine for a meal to celebrate? It doesn't sound like you did, else you would have said in your OP.

Trackandtrace · 20/11/2020 18:20

I think the OP wont be back

Oxyiz · 20/11/2020 19:55

Wonder if the partner is a mumsnet user and thats why OP posted.

PaperTowels · 20/11/2020 19:58

Nah, they probably sobered up and felt like an idiot. Hopefully.

I feel sorry for the DP.

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