Things not to say to a pregnant woman

[UnicornAndSparkles]

"If you think you're exhausted now..."

"Gosh you look shattered!"

"Sleep deprivation isn't real in pregnancy, it's after the baby is here that you'll feel awful!"

Helpful?! No! And yes, I remember the sleep deprivation and exhaustion post-baby very well, as my "baby" is only 3. But pregnancy + HG + a toddler is exhausting!

What happened to "if you dont have anything nice to say don't say anything?!"

@ShinyGreenElephant I've heard a friend (childless) describe a mutual friend's wife in labour as being "really good and quiet" - I wanted to lamp him. And also ask him how the fuck he knew 😆

@DieCryHate

The amount of men I work with who instantly made remarks about being busy on Valentine's Day when they found out I was due in November. Yuck

Both of my children (2 years apart) were due in November. It was a bit of a running joke at my husbands work that sex was a once a year occasion...

Oh, and I agree with the “natural birthers” bullshit. “Your body knows what to do, you just have to trust it.” Turns out my body is a complete dunce.

• was it planned?
• wait til you’re only getting 1 hour sleep a night
• breastfeeding is easy (not said out loud but definitely implied!)

"Have you had much sickness? Oh, you haven't? Not having sickness makes it more likely you'll miscarry."

Gee, tactful colleague, what a helpful thing to say

I have never made any of the above comments. I agree that keeping one's mouth shut is usually the best idea.

I do remember really wanting to say something when an old friend, pregnant with twins, looked disapprovingly at 14 month old DS pulling books out of the bookcase and hiding behind the curtains and said, "He's quite a handful, isn't he?" Also, "Have you tried the naughty step, yet?"

Her two are about the same age now .

Anything that starts "just you wait...".

Anything about how the birth should be. I had a male colleague shaking his head about another woman in the labour ward when his wife was having their baby, because this woman was screaming and "scaring the other women". Even now I'm constantly seeing posts and ads about "breathing the baby out", "natural pain relief free birth" etc. Well I screamed for hours during the last day of my three day labour, it was still a natural birth. And I will fight anyone who tries to sneer at me. It was fucking horrendous.

Comments about what you should/shouldn't be eating. Yeah good luck with that one.

I find it very hard to talk to anyone these days because there are so many so-called "things not to say", that it's better to stay away. Oh wait, I will be probably blamed for being "unsupportive" then.

The two I heard a lot were
1- Jesus you’re massive now aren’t you.
&
2- I know someone who ripped from front to back you know, imagine if that happened to you!

My MIL - "don't keep your house too clean. I knew a woman whose baby died because her house was too clean and his immune system never developed".

The woman knew I was diagnosed with OCD about contamination.

By contrast, a rather poisonous community midwife told me that there was "a lot of dog hair" on my sofa and that this would damage my baby's immune system.

As you can imagine, my OCD went into overdrive and I was acutely anxious that I would kill my baby by either keeping my house too clean or too dirty.

No wonder I developed PND.

Bump size comments definitely. Obviously the ‘you’re huge’ ones but I found being told ‘oh you’re so SMALL. You can’t even tell you’re pregnant there’s no bump at all. Wow I was five times the size at that point’ equally bitchy and hurtful for some reason.

‘Oh you must be hoping for a boy/girl this time round!’

Or

‘Do you know what you’re having?’
‘Yes it’s another boy’
‘Oh were you disappointed?’

Wow look at how big you are!! Your never going to go all the way and if you do imagine how misrable your going to be!

Fuck you

can you tell this has been just said to me

"was it planned?"

I was married aged 35 with a child already.
This came from my boss.

Wanker.

"Wow. How did that happen?" from a colleague exiting a lift as I got in.

Clearly had not twigged in the preceding 9 months as I was nearly full term.

It was quite funny as I grinned and replied "surely I don't have to explain that to you" as the lift doors closed. The 5/6 other colleagues in the lift fell apart laughing.

"Just you wait!"

"Don't bother making a birth plan"

"You should get all your sleep in whilst you still can" great because this insomnia didnt make me feel bad enough

"Oh never mind" or "are you going to try for a girl next time?" when I told people I was having another boy 😡

@Piwlyfbicsly

I find it very hard to talk to anyone these days because there are so many so-called "things not to say", that it's better to stay away. Oh wait, I will be probably blamed for being "unsupportive" then.

Really? But these things are kind of obvious aren't they?

“It’s going to change your whole life.” (Thanks, I did realise and want that actually)

“I already know exactly what kind of mum you’re going to be!” (Do you? How? Since we only see each other at work?”)

“Don’t check out before you check out, we won’t treat you any differently don’t worry.” (I wanted to be treated differently! My job involved a lot of late nights and long flights!)

Said by my sort-of MIL when pregnant with twins...
“Two boys, what if they’re gay?!”
W.T.Actual.F 🤦🏻‍♀️

Sleep now whilst you have the chance. I mean I braced myself to then find that newborns sleep for about 20 hours a day!

@StillSmallVoice

'I didn't realise you were pregnant. I thought you were just fat.'

I had a variation on that one. I was walking around with my then 10 week old DD in a sling. It was raining and I had my huge coat zipped up around her, so only her head poked out.

Woman comes up to me and says "Oh, you have a baby, I thought you were just fat." Why? Just, why?

‘You’re not just big are you, you’re big and wide!’
‘With a boy you usually only put weight on your bump but you’ve put on weight everywhere haven’t you?’
Same colleague made comments on my weight every day, I used to dread going to the staff kitchen and bumping into them!

'I thought you might be [pregnant] because you've gone rather wide at the hips.'
Said by my lovely mother. It was 5 months before I told her specifically because I couldn't bear to imagine what delightful gem she'd come out with . That was actually better than expected

Purringpaws

"was it planned?"

That from from my boss as well!

"Can I touch your belly?" No. But she did it anyway

I hate being touched by anyone except DC, DB or Dad. And I got a reputation for being stroppy when I slapped people's hands away from my belly. Most didn't bother asking before touching, either.