PIL huge dissapointment

[Ilovepancakes6]

OK so a few weeks ok I had a medical emergency and needed to go to the hospital (broken bone) I have 2 young children under 3.

This was at a weekend and my DH was at home with me, we decided to call his family to ask if they would come to watch the children whilst DH took me to the hospital (covid restrictions so he was only dropping me, would have been 45mins maximum). They weren't very keen as they were going to the pub said they would come if we couldn't find anyone else. We made other arrangements and I was home within 3 hours. NHS ❤

His parents did txt him the day after saying they felt bad and DH said dont worry about it (he is very forgiving and doesn't hold grudges or like being cross with ppl).

I am absolutely livid!!! I basically don't give a flying f**k about them anymore, they always say they are there for us blah blah bullshit ive been apart of this family for 16 years, to me actions speak louder than words. AIBU being so angry and hurt??

You are absolutely entitled to feel as angry and hurt as you do @Ilovepancakes6

They have let you down, your husband and your kids too. I wouldn’t forget

And to be honest I’d not forgive either. I would never go out of my way for them again.

BUT, carrying this anger and hurt is tiresome. Perhaps in time you let go, and just don’t care about them anymore

They’re selfish and nothing will change so take a deep breath and practice your “no sorry, I’m busy” replies for whenever they want something from you.

He wasn't allowed in, why didn't he take the kids in the car, perhaps take them for a run about whilst you were there? This actually happened to me and I never even considered calling someone else to help, exh dropped me off and stayed with the kids and when it was him blue lighted to hospital at night, I bundled the kids into the car and took the double buggy when I went to fill in the paperwork (America so lots!). Once you have kids you have to accept you'll have to be on your own in a&e

I'd feel very let down too. But at least you know where you stand now.

I broke my leg in my youth. I was running across a field and my foot went into a hidden dip in the grass.The pain was so excruciating I vomited, then proceeded to faint. My lower leg then proceeded to swell to three times its normal size.

Clearly some people on this thread know nothing

Once you have kids you have to accept you'll have to be on your own in a&e

Not really, I’ve got kids, bar covid I’ve never gone to hospital on my own. Neither had my OH.

"Why didn't you put the kids in the car" is the new "cancel the cheque".

She had a broken leg and couldn't sit in the front seat, she had to lie across the back seats so there was no space for the kids, and she said so at 6 o'clock this morning, about 4 pages ago.

Well this has been quite the mixed bag hasn't it.

It wasn't a special trip to the pub no one was visiting etc. They go out often so not interrupting their 1 night out.

@NiceGerbil

Fortunes I don't know. I really don't.

I had quite severe PND and anxiety. Obviously I didn't tell my parents. And when they said. You don't look very happy! In an aggressive way. Obviously I tried to smile more.

They live just up the road.

One time I went round and said. I'm so tired. I'm just so tired. Is there any chance i can have a sleep for 20 mins on the sofa, can you keep an eye on the baby? Please?

She said no.

Her choice her decision.

I can't imagine saying that to my kids. But.

This thread shows. That it's normal. Broken bone need hosp. We've got plans! No can do.

This thread is making me feel like like maybe it's normal. For parents to not give a fuck? But everyone I've met in real life says their parents do care about them.

OP yeah it seems shit they couldn't put the pub on hold for an hour while he ran you to the hosp.

But apparently that's normal.

But it's not, is it? I mean mine would say ok she's broken a leg in 6 places what's it got to do with us. I thought other families were different though.

Surprised at the responses.

I don’t think it’s normal. And I think your DM’s response is even less normal. Surely with family, and also friends, you do what you can to help out.

@NiceGerbil I think you have issues with your frame of reference because your DM is mean.

OP your PIL are mean too, but if they aren’t normally like this you should try and move on from it.

If they won’t help in a medical emergency, when would you be able to rely on them?? I assume you/DH would drop everything if one of them broke a leg.

It’s not like they had something really important they couldn’t cancel! I am fuming on your behalf.

I think this is awful, and really surprised that a lot of people think it’s fine.

I would be inclined to do the bare minimum from now on.. if you usually sort out presents, arrange seeing them etc, let DH take it on. They clearly don’t care at all about you, so don’t waste your energies on them.

Ps I broke my kneecap and elbow, bloody painful but still fitted in the car with the kids, shoved the passenger seat right back, toddler didn't need leg room (baby was rear facing of course)

Are you sure DH gave the correct information to his mum?
Can you come now OP has broken her leg!
99% of people would jump in the car to be there to help.

Just to add, even if they could have fitted the toddlers in the car, it wouldn’t be nice for them to see their mum in agony!

I dont think YABU, I would delay my trip to the pub by 45 min for a friend or neighbour with a broken bone (unless it was a pub visit for someones big birthday or wedding or similar). I would be hurt as well, it sounds like something that would have been easy for them to rearrange but they chose not to

@movingonup20

He wasn't allowed in, why didn't he take the kids in the car, perhaps take them for a run about whilst you were there? This actually happened to me and I never even considered calling someone else to help, exh dropped me off and stayed with the kids and when it was him blue lighted to hospital at night, I bundled the kids into the car and took the double buggy when I went to fill in the paperwork (America so lots!). Once you have kids you have to accept you'll have to be on your own in a&e

Read the OP's posts, how hard can it be? She's explained this. And it's utterly irrelevant anyway to the fact that her PIL let her and her husband down.

Sorry, for some reason I thought I'd read all the OP's posts, but I evidently didn't. I didn't realize it was a broken leg - that's a bit different from this point of view than an arm or wrist, say. So apologies, I realize that you couldn't have taken your kids with you.

In that case, it rather depends on whether there was a reasonable possibility that you could have found someone else, or whether they just wanted any excuse not to put themselves out.

As I don't drive or have anyone in the immediate family or close by who can drive, I would probably have called an ambulance under such circumstances; but I can see that one prefers not to, unless absolutely necessary.

In any case: I wouldn't interpret it as meaning that YOU in particular are 'nothing to them', as one or two pp have suggested. It could mean that they are just selfish bastards who won't change their routine or put themselves out for anyone. You might well find both equally unforgivable, but they're not quite the same thing.

I hope that you are making a good recovery.

PIL huge dissapointment
Their second album was OK.

I am a Grudge Holder Extraordinaire and I would definitely hold this against PIL.

But - with us it would have been:
Bref breaks bone and needs hospital
Call PiL for help - no
Bundle Bref and the mini-Brefs in the car
Drop Bref at hospital
Collect Bref later

And then I would get on with my life, but i would never ever forget that they preferred the pub to helping out, and wouldn't do minor things. I wouldn't mention it, but i just wouldn't help out on minor things. Major things, sure, I'm not a monster. But the little things that don't really put me out and make their lives easier? nope.

Before anyone mentions it: no it doesn't eat me up inside, it's just that the knowledge is there and when called to, say, drop them off a pint of milk when I've been shopping - meh. No can do.

@movingonup20

Ps I broke my kneecap and elbow, bloody painful but still fitted in the car with the kids, shoved the passenger seat right back, toddler didn't need leg room (baby was rear facing of course)

Gawd, this is getting like that Pete and Dud sketch. Next we'll have someone claiming they broke every bone and were haemorrhaging all over the place but they were still happy to bleed to death rather than have their parents put off a visit to a pub.

There's some right nutters on here. 🤷

@mummmy2017

Are you sure DH gave the correct information to his mum? Can you come now OP has broken her leg! 99% of people would jump in the car to be there to help.

He must have explained to his parent that he needed to take OP and couldn't take the children as well. Why would they need the precise diagnosis in order to decide whether to help out or not?

@NiceGerbil

This is one of those interesting MN posts.

Broken bone is extremely painful and etc I would think?

If family are near then it seems natural to say can you keep an eye on the kids while I run x to hosp who has obvious broken bone.

I mean my family aren't like that and I don't tell them or bother them about anything.

My friends say that they are definitely unusual and eg like op most family would say oh god yes we'll pop round and look after the kids while you get it sorted.

Seems on this thread though that's not right. Which is weird.

I thought that normal families did look out for each other like this? My husband's family would do something like that without a second thought.

Mine would say no as per op. Your problem you sort it.

I thought that mine were odd but reading this, maybe not?

Very interesting thread.

My family are the drop everything type. I'm not sure i know anyone who isn't, actually.

Wouldn't occur to me to go to the pub if one of my family had broken something and asked for help

I can’t imagine reaching out to a member of my family for help, and them not doing whatever they could. And vice versa.
I’m sorry for all of you who don’t have that certainty in your lives.

As I don't drive -should add that I do realize that nobody can if they've got a broken leg; I meant any major medical emergency to self or family member.

This thread is weird. Of COURSE you’d help! Who on earth would haggle with “well we’re going to the pub, which bone is it exactly?”

If I learned that someone in my family had broken a bone and needed to go to hospital, but faffed around calling everyone else they’d ever met and trying to rearrange child car seats around the injured person because they didn’t want to disturb my pub visit, I’d be utterly baffled.

I come to this from the perspective of having a similar experience with my mother. She never approved of my having DC3, and having been pretty helpful during pregnancies 1 and 2 became the absolute reverse. Then I needed to go to hospital without notice due to high blood pressure and she categorically refused to help with the older children, despite living only 20 minutes away. My relationship with her was never the same afterwards. By contrast, MIL dropped everything and travelled three hours to come and help out. Very different relationship there.