PIL huge dissapointment

[Ilovepancakes6]

OK so a few weeks ok I had a medical emergency and needed to go to the hospital (broken bone) I have 2 young children under 3.

This was at a weekend and my DH was at home with me, we decided to call his family to ask if they would come to watch the children whilst DH took me to the hospital (covid restrictions so he was only dropping me, would have been 45mins maximum). They weren't very keen as they were going to the pub said they would come if we couldn't find anyone else. We made other arrangements and I was home within 3 hours. NHS ❤

His parents did txt him the day after saying they felt bad and DH said dont worry about it (he is very forgiving and doesn't hold grudges or like being cross with ppl).

I am absolutely livid!!! I basically don't give a flying f**k about them anymore, they always say they are there for us blah blah bullshit ive been apart of this family for 16 years, to me actions speak louder than words. AIBU being so angry and hurt??

YANBU. My parents are both dead and my husband’s live in Sweden. But when I had to go into hospital last year (paramedics came out and said I was suffering from stress but my GP the next day had me rushed into hospital with severe gall bladder problems from the surgery) my extended family dropped everything. I had to have my car picked up from the Pay and display as my husband doesn’t drive, we needed a bit of child care and lifts to and from the hospital. They couldn’t have done any more, and I’m so grateful. But to be “oh we’re going to the pub” rather than giving some practical support pretty bloody sucks. And it cuts both ways, my aunt and uncle and cousin were very ill in late Feb after ski-ing in Italy, which we now think may have been CV, but as soon as they asked us to pick up prescriptions, do shopping and a few other things, we also dropped everything to go and do. I thought that’s what family did...

I really feel for you Ilovepancakes6 have the same no support when it matters. My husband had to collect my toddler from MIL 2 hours after I’d given birth as she had a nail appointment. Then didn’t even visit for a month. It really eats you up. Especially when there is favouritism and they do anything for their other grandchild. Breaks my heart. Still the same now and has caused so much pain over the years. You really can’t think how people can be like this, especially close family.

They were going to the pub?!?! My shit neighbours would do more to help than this! And that’s saying something!

I think that most family if someones needs help with health related emergencies they promptly offer help. In fact even neighbours would do the same. I really don't understand the people who says this was Ok. I had people I hardly new at school to offer to take the children because my husband had to go to hospital

Shocked at some of the earlier comments on here. I’d drop everything to help with the grandchildren, or even to help a random neighbour in this situation and am amazed that any normal person would put a night out drinking ahead of their family.

Also, re broken bones not being anything to fuss about. I broke my shoulder recently and it was bloody painful for at least the first two weeks. I managed with paracetamol, just about and just because I didn’t want to take the codeine I was given.

The good news is I was assessed in A & E, X-rayed, fitted with a sling, seen by a doctor and given advice, all in 45 minutes.

I recently broke my arm and was given morphine. I could hardly walk I was feeling so bad so daughter and neighbours called an ambulance, I needed to hold on to the ambulance man to get into it and when we got to hospital I had to use a wheelchair. I'd not have wanted small children around while someone went from the car to get one and wheel me in with either children left in car or brought in alongside the chair, risking small children wandering off with non sterile hands.... Anything anyone could do to look after my children in a situation with a broken leg would be so appreciated

we stopped asking for help because the answer was always no! I don't know what happens when people get older, they forget what it's like I think.

Very very poor form to not help out given the circumstances . Not like you were off for a night out or shopping trip ! I would find it hard to be bothered about them again tbh .

I think if they’d made arrangements to meet people at the Pub, and with your request being obviously last minute, it may have been something that was difficult to get out of. Also would depend on your relationship with them normally. From your post it sounds like you’re not their biggest fan anyway. Maybe you don’t bother with them or discourage them from spending time with you, so they felt you were just using them as and when it suits you.

@Livelovebehappy

I think if they’d made arrangements to meet people at the Pub, and with your request being obviously last minute, it may have been something that was difficult to get out of. Also would depend on your relationship with them normally. From your post it sounds like you’re not their biggest fan anyway. Maybe you don’t bother with them or discourage them from spending time with you, so they felt you were just using them as and when it suits you.

Who in the world is going to complain if a friend says “really sorry, DIL has had to be taken to hospital with a broken leg so we’ve got the grandkids for an hour”?

It’s like an alternative reality on here

with your request being obviously last minute, it may have been something that was difficult to get out of

"Hi Sid, need to look after gc for 45 mins as son has to take DiL to hospital. Meet you at 6.45 not 6""

Yes, that is so difficult. Took me all of 30 seconds to write. As if their friends are really going to say "you what??! Either we meet at 6, or that's it, friendship over, NEVER contact me again!!!" ffs

Why do people make excuses for crappy behaviour?

I think if they’d made arrangements to meet people at the Pub, and with your request being obviously last minute, it may have been something that was difficult to get out of

That's exactly what I thought was a possibility at first, (though unless the other people were coming from miles away, which would have been a bit inadvisable even before lockdown, it shouldn't have been that hard to rearrange). But the OP has posted that no such prior arrangement was involved. So it sounds as though the in-laws are either very rigid about their routines, or possibly borderline alcoholics.

They'd be dead to me.

@Serin

Oh, I see it was a broken leg? That they managed to assess, x ray and fix and then you were back home in 3 hours??? I spent 10 years in orthopaedics, that unit must be the fastest unit in the world.

I broke my kneecap a couple of years ago and that sounds about right to me.

If I had a friend - or even acquaintance - in that situation, I'd offer to sit with their kids while they went to the hospital. That said, my ex in-laws wouldn't even help when I was in hospital having surgery. I think in the end my parents travelled from the other end of the country to support me when I had major complications, even though his side lived ten minutes away.
It's definitely taught me what sort of mother in law I want to be one day though.

I think if they’d made arrangements to meet people at the Pub, and with your request being obviously last minute, it may have been something that was difficult to get out of

So inconsiderate of OP not to have broken her leg half an hour earlier rather than leaving it to the last minute.

Seriously, how difficult can it be to get out of a pub meet-up when you've got a family medical emergency?

When I had proper flu and a small baby and dh had it too and my parents overseas my uncle dropped everything drove an hour to pick us up and took dd1 and ours back to theirs and looked after us for a week!

They're garbage. I would help out nearly anyone, anyone at all in this situation - relatives, friends, neighbours (in fact I have done).
They're just selfish.

I'm a little confused as to why they couldn't come too. My DH wasn't allowed into Urgent Care and they had to push me around in a wheelchair whilst he went away. They could've done something together whilst they waited to pick you up. I was also seen and out within an hour due to Lockdown appointments system.

I would help out anyone who asked I those circumstances, even if it meant cancelling a trip to the pub.

However, it honestly wouldn’t have occurred to me or DH to ask anyone - we’d have shifted the car around and taken the children with us.

Let your anger go, it will only hurt you. You will remember it for as long as you need or want to to, just don’t let the emotions eat you up.

@Zilla1

Having reflected, I'd make sure I'd buy a last Christmas present this year before leaving everything to DH. It would be a pair of bottles of beer/gin/preferred pub drinks and perhaps an amusing pub sign or mug along the lines of ]]

🤣🤣🤣, brilliant! I couldn’t resist doing this!

How far do your PIL?

I voted YANBU but if they are 3 hours away and there’s people closer then it’s a different scenario.

Did you ask your own parents/family members?

I wouldn't have thought to ask anyone considering dh could only take you and drop you off. I don't really understand this thing where everyone expects people to drop everything for them. They had plans, yes it may not be what you deem important but it obviously was to them and yes their priorities might not be where you want them to be but that's their life, their choices.

@peboh

I wouldn't have thought to ask anyone considering dh could only take you and drop you off. I don't really understand this thing where everyone expects people to drop everything for them. They had plans, yes it may not be what you deem important but it obviously was to them and yes their priorities might not be where you want them to be but that's their life, their choices.

Oh dear.

They wanted the PIL to watch their small children.

It was in the op. Pretty clearly.

Ffs.

@MzHz yes I got that. However the pil clearly had other plans, and they were more of a priority. Don't expect people to drop what they're doing for you. Nobody is entitled to that. Take the children with you if you need to. It's not rocket science. Also not worth holding a grudge over.