PIL huge dissapointment

[Ilovepancakes6]

OK so a few weeks ok I had a medical emergency and needed to go to the hospital (broken bone) I have 2 young children under 3.

This was at a weekend and my DH was at home with me, we decided to call his family to ask if they would come to watch the children whilst DH took me to the hospital (covid restrictions so he was only dropping me, would have been 45mins maximum). They weren't very keen as they were going to the pub said they would come if we couldn't find anyone else. We made other arrangements and I was home within 3 hours. NHS ❤

His parents did txt him the day after saying they felt bad and DH said dont worry about it (he is very forgiving and doesn't hold grudges or like being cross with ppl).

I am absolutely livid!!! I basically don't give a flying f**k about them anymore, they always say they are there for us blah blah bullshit ive been apart of this family for 16 years, to me actions speak louder than words. AIBU being so angry and hurt??

"Well no. Actually of course the kids could NOT have come with. 1. The op was across the back seat, no way to put the dc in their seats. 2. Was the op supposed to walk herself into a&e on her broken leg while her dh took the dc or stayed in the car with them? Half this thread do seem to think that’s normal though, crack a paracetamol and off you go for a hike on your broken leg."

Oh-I'd missed the first time that Op had posted about being across the back seat.

No need to be so sarky though it was a genuine oversight.

The fact that the kid couldn't be fitted in makes it even worse that the GPs cba.

Well I think that's shitty of them and I'd bear it in mind for the future

Seeing your dh's wimpy response to them the next day I do think like a PP said, he underplayed it the first time to them.

No excuse on their part though. Pub over family?? Shocking

Actually nice get out for all “wife work” involving his family hey op?! Dh can do all that now.

The responses on here are astounding. My Italian MIL annoyed me a few years ago by repeatedly telling me that British people aren't family orientated. I've always argued back strongly that this wasn't the case. However, it turns out that she was right if the responses on here are anything to go by.

Fortunately both my family and my dh's family would drop everything to help us if we needed the help. And they most certainly would never prioritise the pub over their family. God, what an awful way to treat family.

I'd love to hear a bit more about the thought processes of people who support the PILs in this scenario. This post, for instance:

Tbh YABU They already had plans, fair enough if they were free and said no but they were going out.

Could people who posted this sort of thing come back and explain why if they were in the PIL's situation, they too would have prioritised the pub visit?

*Tbh YABU They already had plans, fair enough if they were free and said no but they were going out.

Could people who posted this sort of thing come back and explain why if they were in the PIL's situation, they too would have prioritised the pub visit*

I honestly can’t see how anyone could think a drink in the pub was a plan that couldn’t be ditched. I can’t get my head round it.

Having reflected, I'd make sure I'd buy a last Christmas present this year before leaving everything to DH. It would be a pair of bottles of beer/gin/preferred pub drinks and perhaps an amusing pub sign or mug along the lines of www.amazon.co.uk/Rather-Pub-Funny-Novelty-Gift/dp/B00JJPRBKY?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

I honestly can’t see how anyone could think a drink in the pub was a plan that couldn’t be ditched. I can’t get my head round it

Well the only one that occurs to me and has been suggested already is that some people are hopeless at making on the spot decisions.

@Zilla1

Having reflected, I'd make sure I'd buy a last Christmas present this year before leaving everything to DH. It would be a pair of bottles of beer/gin/preferred pub drinks and perhaps an amusing pub sign or mug along the lines of ]]

I wouldn’t be putting myself to any inconvenience at all, dh takes over all DILWork with immediate effect.

Absolutely to those saying ditch the wife work or DIlL tasks. Stuff it. Let DH takeover everything! I wouldn't be present buying, running around after, arranging visits with or providing care for people who showed me such little regard when I needed emergency medical care.

@blackcat86

Absolutely to those saying ditch the wife work or DIlL tasks. Stuff it. Let DH takeover everything! I wouldn't be present buying, running around after, arranging visits with or providing care for people who showed me such little regard when I needed emergency medical care.

Agreed.

Leave your husband to it.

Fine, I'll flounce away with my 'I'd rather be down the pub' mug present idea.

@Zilla1

Fine, I'll flounce away with my 'I'd rather be down the pub' mug present idea.

The idea was genius.

They’re pretty fucking ugly mugs tho :)

If my neighbour (who I have spoken to about 7 times in my life) asked me to look after their kids while they took a spouse with a broken leg to hospital I would do it, even if it meant cancelling a visit to the pub. I want to live in a world where people show a basic level of decency and support to one another, not one where a parent refuses necessary help to their offspring and everyone says ‘yes that’s fine, people don’t deserve help’

Are they alcoholics?

I say it in all seriousness, because many allies wouldn't be able to forgo the drink.

The more I read on here, the more I realise how lucky I was to have my wonderful In-Laws.
My husband (their son/stepson) fell out of the loft and badly injured his shoulder a week before I was due to give birth to our second DS. They drove an hour to see us. MIL stayed with me & PIL took my husband to the hospital (I don't drive). We didn't ask them to, but I said that DH was going to go to A&E by taxi & they insisted.
They were kind, funny and loving and would do anything for us. We were the same with them. My DH & BIL took it in turns to sleep in a chair next to their Mum when she was in the hospice during her final weeks. We miss them hugely.
I aspire to be the same for our sons, whatever their age. If they want me to I'll be there for them.

If it was me I would say something and show them am upset and wouldn’t care less about them anymore it was an emergency shame on them .

What makes me scratch my head with a thread like this is all the people that pass comment on everything but the original question.

Yes, I would be pissed too if my in laws couldn’t cancel a visit to the pub to watch their grandchildren whilst I was taken to hospital with a broken limb. How much pain you suffered or why you couldn’t take your kids are clearly equations that you calculated as an adult and decided not to do for whatever reason.

Why do people say ‘you’re an adult sort your own basic situations out!’ Has anyone ever heard of the term ‘family support’. They’ve done you a favour though OP, you know now not to rely on them for anything. I’d be expecting my OH to let them know how shady it was too and not be so agreeable. All this ‘they are adults and they can say no’ stuff. Yeah, sure they can, and we can also see them for the selfish individuals they are. You’re not some random passerby for goodness sakes.

Wow. Selfish alcoholic in-laws. I reckon. Hope you're healing well. 💐

YANBU.

Semantics aside, you needed help in an emergency and their pint of beer was more important than you.

Speaks volumes. I would never do this to my kids, an emergency is just that and you don't stop being a parent because your kids are adults.

All those who think otherwise are selfish, lazy gits who should probably give parenting a miss because FYI it's a job for life.

They knew what they did was shit, that's why they texted the next day. Had it have been me I would have texted them and said: DH may have forgiven you but I haven't and I hope you don't me in an emergency because I'll return the favour.

I'm neither a martyr nor a door mat and it sounds like your DH needs to grow a pair.

I hope you're not hosting Christmas with your broken bones? If the plan was to do so, cancel it. They can entertain themselves CF.

I would be livid too. You needed them in an emergency and they placed going to the pub as a higher importance than helping you out with THEIR grandchildren for 45 minutes?! Selfish selfish selfish. Especially if they’re always banging on about family first. Sorry but love is a doing word and if they loved their son and DIL and grandkids they’d have dropped what they were doing to help you in an emergency. Sorry OP xx

I also would be very upset at them. I would never put myself out for them again. Card most definitely marked in future.
Hope you're managing op

I'd be really disappointed if I was you too. My MIL was staying at ours when our kids were very little. I had been feeling ill and had got up to go to the loo at about 6am and passed out, cracked my head on the kitchen counter. My partner asked his mum if she could stay a day longer (she didn't have any reason to go back that day) to look after the kids so he could come with me in the ambulance. She said no - no reason, just no. He phoned my mum and she was round within 10 minutes. I find it strange that a parent wouldn't help their child in an emergency. I might be a drama llama, but I've never felt the same way about my MIL since!

A broken leg. Yes, they are complete arseholes. Family should be there to help each other out. A broken leg is one of these times that they should have been late to the pub!