PIL huge dissapointment

[Ilovepancakes6]

OK so a few weeks ok I had a medical emergency and needed to go to the hospital (broken bone) I have 2 young children under 3.

This was at a weekend and my DH was at home with me, we decided to call his family to ask if they would come to watch the children whilst DH took me to the hospital (covid restrictions so he was only dropping me, would have been 45mins maximum). They weren't very keen as they were going to the pub said they would come if we couldn't find anyone else. We made other arrangements and I was home within 3 hours. NHS ❤

His parents did txt him the day after saying they felt bad and DH said dont worry about it (he is very forgiving and doesn't hold grudges or like being cross with ppl).

I am absolutely livid!!! I basically don't give a flying f**k about them anymore, they always say they are there for us blah blah bullshit ive been apart of this family for 16 years, to me actions speak louder than words. AIBU being so angry and hurt??

Gosh imagine suggesting someone take paracetamol just because their head has fallen off. People are far too soft nowadays. I mean, maybe you could take half of one if you've just had a major surgery, otherwise you need to suck it up and get on with it. Yoga and herbal tea can help.

nevermorelenore. I agree. Those paracetamol could have lowered a COVID patients temperature. So selfish to buy them just because your head has come off and deprive someone in more need. There are some precious flowers around these days.

I disagree totally with parectemol. You should take tincture of diluted rose water, one drop every 8 days. Oh and make sure its the sugar free one.

YANBU

I'm also surprised by a lot of the responses here. I can't imagine breaking a bone and my parents or inlaws telling me they have plans to go to the pub. I'd be hurt if they showed such little concern.

I've got several examples of exactly the same behaviour from my pils. It does leave a bad taste in your mouth frankly and I'm not a massively forgiving person. I'm still lovely welcoming and enthusiastic when we see them and can still see the positives in them, but for me, this is the stuff that counts. Knowing you can depend on someone when you need to. I certainly won't be forgetting should they need anything from me!

OP I feel your pain. Try not to be livid just know that in future they do not have your back. My ILs are beyond shit in anything even remotely in the car park of the ball park of a crisis.

For me it was DH asking them to drive me home from chemo. DH didn't want to keep taking time off work, he was worried about his job security. They had NOWHERE they needed to be.... FIL would 'rather not' drive in the dark.
I love my ILs, they've been amazing in many ways but I have never forgotten that.

@JackAndJillsBucket I wouldn't do it for any other relatives, close or not.

My parents are generous people, just usually with money rather than being hands on. When we were growing up they were very caring towards us and we wanted for nothing, but they drummed into my sister and I to never ask them to take care of any children we may have. As a result, they have hardly known any of their six grandchildren, the youngest two of whom just turned 18 this year.

They planned for their own bubble in retirement. They planned to never be a burden to my sister and I either, to be fair. They are now totally mortified and appalled with themselves that their bubble has imploded because the health of both of them has seriously failed at the same time.

They now have a care package in place but we went through a few hellish weeks this year (including lockdown) before it was properly set up.

They were in truly dire straits and could easily have died if my sister and I had not gone to their house. Neither of us would have wanted that on our consciences.

It is nothing to do with the care always falling to women. We are two sisters, no other siblings.

Years ago when PIL were terminally ill DH and his siblings had to care for them, with bits of paid help.

How could they be going to the pub at the moment? Makes no sense.

@Mischance

How could they be going to the pub at the moment? Makes no sense.

OP did seem to say it was a few weeks ago.

@Mischance

How could they be going to the pub at the moment? Makes no sense.

FFS Firstly, if you used a bit of reading comprehension, OP said this happened "A few weeks ago" and secondly....NOT.ALL.MN.POSTERS.LIVE.IN.ENGLAND I know this is hard to get your tiny pea brain around but OP or her PIL could live somewhere...even somewhere in the uk....that is not in lockdown!!!!** All this pathetic "sherlocking" on threads trying to find trolls based on possible lockdown flaunting rather than just look outside your own tiny experience for one second

There seem to be a lot of posters with poor reading comprehension skills on this thread. PIL did not say 'no', they said they would come if we couldn't find anyone else

To be livid because your PIL aren't enthusiastically changing their plans for you seems rather excessive. It seems even more excessive when OP was clearly able to quickly make alternative arrangements.
So it seems there was genuinely no need for PIL to cancel their plans = total non-issue, and not really anything to be livid about.
There's a strong sense of entitlement here.

Some of the responses on here are appalling, such a lack of empathy and basic humanity.

Even the most self sufficient person needs help now and again. Life isn't a competition to outdo each other on who can be the most determined at doing everything themselves. Some of you seem to be absolute wazzocks.

I would drop everything if my DS or DD said their partner needed to go to the hospital urgently and asked me to mind the DGC. A trip to the pub would certainly be delayed or put off, especially if (as OP has said) it was just a casual visit.

Why would anyone willingly take DC along with them, even for a drop-off?

There seem to be a lot of posters with poor reading comprehension skills on this thread. PIL did not say 'no', they said they would come if we couldn't find anyone else*

So, OP has a broken leg, and then needs to waste time in ringing around to see if anyone can help before calling PIL back? Seriously? No, PIL should have skipped the pub for once and actually helped.

@PatriciaPerch

I've told you all, it took SEVENTEEN DAYS of tears to wash the blood off the floor in tesco, but is so much worth it as I didn't bother anyone, they are not to be bothered by little me...walking around with my head off, bleeding onto the floor...crying....needing sellotape. It would be ridiculous to ask for help during an emergency.

Sellotape? Really? Lots of people need tape at this time of year for genuine reasons, plus there’s the environmental impact of single use plastic - couldn't you have ripped the sleeve off your coat and used that instead?

@jackandjillsbucket, I can't make my mind up how many of them on this thread are telling the truth and just have the lack of humanity/empathy you mention and how many have decided to be nasty and make the OP feel bad by adopting a position that looks the same.

Maybe a lot of posters just really love going to the pub and would always put that before helping their children. Imagine prioritising necking booze over your family- Mumsnet truly can be a window into another world.

To be livid because your PIL aren't enthusiastically changing their plans for you seems rather excessive. It seems even more excessive when OP was clearly able to quickly make alternative arrangements,
So it seems there was genuinely no need for PIL to cancel their plans = total non-issue, and not really anything to be livid about.

Neither OP, her husband or the PIL knew whether they'd be able to find anyone else to help out easily. And, FFS, what normal parent/grandparent would refuse to help out when all they had on offer was going to the pub?

There's a strong sense of entitlement here.

There's a strong sense of irrationality in far too many responses to this thread.

So when rung with a request for emergency help your PILs said "We are off to the pub, can't you delay your dash to A and E and spend time phoning around your acquaintance to see if any one else can help so that we don't miss out on a pint?

I don't blame you for being disappointed OP. Given that they said they "felt bad" the next day - have they offered to help out whilst you try to look after two little ones with a broken leg?
I hope you are on the mend and have no intention of hosting Xmas.

Ice Frost

That response can you get someone else from in-laws is crap, as you have asked them and need their help, what is wrong with people, selfish to the core, I would help a stranger out, I have done, what goes around comes around.
Showing a little kindness is one of the best gifts we can give each other.
I have flown to a different country to be with my daughter when her relationship broke down, actually twice in the month and as was pretty much last minute flight, triple normal cost.
But who counts those things, are we getting more selfish and distant in general 😢.

Let's show a little kindness and not count the cost, be it financial or our time.

I think we have to forgot about unhelpful people in life as it will only cause us illness if we hold grudges.

@TurquoiseDragon

There seem to be a lot of posters with poor reading comprehension skills on this thread. PIL did not say 'no', they said they would come if we couldn't find anyone else*

So, OP has a broken leg, and then needs to waste time in ringing around to see if anyone can help before calling PIL back? Seriously? No, PIL should have skipped the pub for once and actually helped.

No I read it. Totally not ok.

@diddl

Of course the kids could have gone with, but I think a lot of people would have helped as the kids staying at home just makes it easier.

And them not having to be bundled in the car again when Op needed fetching.

Well no. Actually of course the kids could NOT have come with. 1. The op was across the back seat, no way to put the dc in their seats. 2. Was the op supposed to walk herself into a&e on her broken leg while her dh took the dc or stayed in the car with them? Half this thread do seem to think that’s normal though, crack a paracetamol and off you go for a hike on your broken leg.

@HeadNorth

Maybe a lot of posters just really love going to the pub and would always put that before helping their children. Imagine prioritising necking booze over your family- Mumsnet truly can be a window into another world.

I agree. A whole different universe out there.

Thanks be to Christ neither I nor anyone I know inhabit it.

I could give you 6 stories of huge generosity that I know of, in the last two years, that people have relayed to me.

In the real world most people are unbelievably kind and supportive when a call goes out for help.

It really is shocking that so many think otherwise.

A broken leg is very painful and often impossible to place weight on.

That people would expect the husband to help his wife to get to hospital and two very young children is just awful.

The parents are completely ghastly to have behaved as they did.

It's how I imagine the absolute dregs of society behave towards each other.

Sitting in the pub drinking as their son struggles to get his injured wife to hospital with two tiny children.🙄

The absolute dregs. I would be mortified to know them, not to mind be related to them.

The OP is extremely reasonable to be appalled.

Sorry to hear about your leg @Ilovepancakes6 I hope it gets better soon.

If I asked for help from my family (and by that I mean all of them, blood and inlaws) and they refused because they were going to the pub I would be hurt. I rarely ask for help so if I did it would be unusual and they would know it was important. If I told them I had w broken leg and needed to go to hospital and they said no because of the Pub I would be totally pissed off

I'm pleased that there are more posters saying that it's not normal or desirable for your parents not to 'have your back' as it were.

Last night this was a depressing read.