I don't want to buy my SIL's boyfriend a Christmas present.

[NameChangeMillionthTime]

SIL is bringing her BF to our house for Boxing Day lunch (Covid permitting) along with MIL. I've battled with presents for these 2 for years as in, I am the one who shleps round the shops looking for their presents, they have massive high expectations and I have never once received a gift from them aside from a half dead bunch of flowers on my 40th. For example, I once didn't ask SIL what she wanted for Christmas and instead bought her some very nice smellies and MIL told me it was a rubbish present and her DD deserved better than that.

SIL now buys something for my DC, but puts in little effort and has never, ever bought me a present. She is 50, not a hard up teenager.

I am preempting this and hypothesising but I just know that I am going to get told that in addition to what she wants, her boyfriend wants this to that. This will be on top of the food and booze I will have paid for and spent 6 hours cooking.

I really, really do not want to buy my SIL's BF a Christmas present. Not sure if this is a question or just a rant.

Tell Her to take it up with your DH.
Tell Your DH you are leaving their presents up to him.

Then do it.

When they moan at you just tell them it was DH job this year and every year coming.

Come on op,stop this right now.say you are not doing gifts for adults in future and stick to it.
Stop letting them walk all over you and your finances.

@DC3Dakota you’re right but let’s face it she won’t do it without one!

If she sends you a list just tell her thanks v much.... sIL I'll pass it onto your brother to sort as Ive been so busy hes doing it this year. Keep it light and airy and drama free if poss, even if you're seething. Less said soonest mended

Ah, Christmas. That time of the year we have to see the people we've spent the whole year trying to avoid

Tell them your self isolating or if you do really have to see them buy them absolutely nothing. Don't be treated like a pos, get tough with them

Oxfam charity gift if you REALLY MUST (you don't have to!!!)

You can buy a toilet for a family in Zimbabwe ....

I mean "Covid means we must think of others" - practice your beatific smile now

Do you feel obliged because she buys your child something? Considering it's usually something inappropriate I would just suggest that he/she has enough, you are running out of space, thinking of the planet, tough year for everyone, covid/social distancing and you have decided no gifts this year except from you to child. Looking forward to seeing you Boxing Day as that is what Christmas is about. End conversation and refuse to discuss.

For goodness sake.

She is a CF but I hate to say it OP, in some ways you are worse.

You allow yourself to be spoken to this way by your MiL and SIL. You allow them into your home each year on a special day. You pay for the privilege of having them there and you serve them whilst they are with you.

Why on earth are you putting up with this??

Would you like your DC to be treated this way their in-laws? If not, why are you modelling this behaviour. You are teaching your DC to have no respect for themselves and to allow themselves to be treated badly in their own homes.

Totally agree with others. Let everyone know you will not be buying gifts for adults this year. IF they kick off you could relent and agree to either a Secret Santa or have a max price of a fiver. Our family do the latter - this year I have bought my BIL of music map of GB - I know he'll love it and have his nose in it all Christmas.

Another thing we do is pitching in with providing Christmas dinner - someone will bring the starters, another the puddings and my Dad always brings the wine. So at the same time as your telling them about the presents, tell them to bring starters and puddings between them. If they don't provide, well I'm sure no one will starve.

If nothing else you'll be show the new BF that you don't put up with high maintenance people.

Remember - tell, don't ask. You can do this

I never thought I’d say this but fingers crossed for lockdown to continue over Christmas for you. Then you won’t have to bother with the cheeky fuckers.
But I’d have told them all already to piss off. Life’s to short to be putting up with shit like this so don’t.

Tell them to grow the fuck up, your MIL too If they don’t like it they can go somewhere else for Christmas, your DH needs to grow some balls too.

so don't. Stop being a pushover.

Send her a text.
Since she already buys shitty gifts for the children.
Hi, as you know times have been hard this year, we have decided not to buy gifts for adults, and instead we will be paying for all the food at Christmas, if it goes ahead.
Look forward to seeing you.

Ffs put a stop to this now!

I would buy a little something that I would like for myself, and one for your DH. Wrap them up, but keep them hidden in the bottom of the wardrobe. If (and it sounds as though they won’t) SIL and BF rock up with presents for you then nip upstairs and get them, if not then leave them and keep them for yourselves.[ I would also have a small standby box of generic chocs in case their “gift” has come from the garage round the corner so doesn’t deserve the wardrobe presents.]

Once the pattern of gift buying is broken then it’s a done deed and you can move on with a clear conscience.

STOP buying them presents. I have not bought presents for adults for 15 years. Even if they had been grateful in past I would just stop it now. If they are upset too bad.

Send mass email to everyone

"Due to Covid and the pressures of this year we're not buying adult gifts and we allocate the following list of foods for people to bring"

Even if YOU have not personally suffered due to Covid change the wording to say you're giving money to food banks this year and are not doing adult gifts - and you want everyone to contribute to food so that you can give more to food banks

Always better a pious twat than a pushover

I agree that your DH should be buying the presents.

However, because they are ungrateful anyway..

1. Buy exactly the same thing you bought them last year (as they loved it so much)
2. Make a donation to a very random niche charity in their names (consumerism has gone mad)

Henceforth, you will not be expected to buy again.

You don't have a SIL/MIL problem

You are the problem

I would say hand the whole problem to DH to sort , but YOU ACTUALLY CANT AFFORD THIS

So ....grow up and tell them that you can't afford Christmas this year so you're pulling the drawbridge up and it's just you DH and DC

You've got to learn to be an adult some time. Might as well start now

How did I get into this mess. Well, there are a few reasons Cocomarine:

I used to earn a lot of money before DC, so MIL and SIL think we are loaded. 3 DC later, a mortgage and a much, much lesser paid p/t job and we are now most definitely not.

In the past MIL has bought DH a present e.g. a drill or a DVD of Top Gear and written "To DS and Namechange".

In the past SIL was always single and MIL got upset that she didn't have any presents.

It is very transactional between DH and his mum and SIL. I spent £60 on your DC and I would like this Clarins/ Jigsaw clothing/ Estee Lauder gift set in return (costing nearly the same as what they spent).

In the past I have tried to stop it. I have said, please don't buy the DC very much, let's cut down etc. but to no avail. Once they started crying in front of me saying they love receiving presents.

Honestly, this is how I got here and I am not making this shit up. It's like the fucking twilight zone.

Jesus woman, just STOP.
Declare that clearly everybody has decided we don't do present for adults, as you never receive anything, so you will now stop with this as well.
If they will then stop buying for your DC then you say those presents are thoughtless anyway, you can use the saved money to buy something nice for your DC instead.
Cheeky fuckers, the lot.

@LaurieFairyCake

Oxfam charity gift if you REALLY MUST (you don't have to!!!)

You can buy a toilet for a family in Zimbabwe ....

I mean "Covid means we must think of others" - practice your beatific smile now

ooh do that please

I’d develop a nasty cough a few days before they were due to arrive.

box of maltesers each

OP Who started crying in front of you about it?