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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be appreciative of mil getting baby Christmas day pj's?

172 replies

alesha123445 · 17/11/2020 20:51

Okay so this is my babies first Christmas and I've been so excited to pick her Christmas day outfit and pj's. The mil has told me shes giving her some pjs on Christmas eve for her to wake up in and wear through the day.
If the mil got them to be worn for through out December id be very appreciative, some family members already have done that and i LOVE that.
But the fact she's got it for Christmas day feels more like a baby steal, I don't feel appreciative. Album?

OP posts:
OnTheBenchOfDoom · 17/11/2020 22:58

@denshort

When did Christmas pyjamas become a thing Hmm
Late 1970s if my childhood cine film is anything to go by.

Ours were not Christmas themed but we got new pyjamas on Christmas eve so we looked good on for Christmas Day photos in a time before digital cameras allowed you to take hundreds of pictures. This was point and shoot and you only found out if you were even in focus some time later when the photos were printed off.

I think it is lovely OP's MIL wants to buy an outfit but no way does she get to dictate it is worn on Christmas day. As she seems lovely hopefully she will understand that the first Christmas is considered special and that it is up to the parents which outfit they wear.

My MIL was lovely, she would understand.

TwiceAsNice22 · 17/11/2020 22:59

I think this is easy to resolve. Thank your mil for the outfit, but tell her that you already have a Christmas Eve/day outfit planned. If your mil gets annoyed that you have an outfit already then that’s on her. Hopefully, it will be a non issue for her. Unless there is a massive back story and this is the straw that broke the camels back, it’s not worth a falling out. I think saying how you feel and what you want instead of stewing on it and having a huge falling out is the way to go.

FWIW, in my opinion this really isn’t a huge issue. With all the boundaries that can be crossed, this is an easy one to fix. I probably have quite a different perspective though because my DT’s spent their first Christmas in incubators in Special Care. This will be the first of many Christmases for your daughter and honestly in the long run you will remember an argument and resentment more than what outfit she wore. Best of luck with resolving it Smile

Cherrysoup · 17/11/2020 23:00

I’m going to be shot down! Put boundaries in place now to save having to stamp on her later. Tell her thanks, but you’ll be doing the firsts, first Christmas pjs, first shoes, first bike etc.

Billi77 · 17/11/2020 23:00

Avoid potential fall out and put the PJs on in the morning and take some photos, send them using TouchNote so she gets them as a postcard before New Year’s Day.
If they then really bug you that much, change her out of them. This is such a non issue and shouldn’t be made into one by you or your MIL. The postcard will help if it does become one..

Piglet89 · 17/11/2020 23:01

@ViciousJackdaw DYING LAUGHING.

Billi77 · 17/11/2020 23:03

What exactly are Christmas pyjamas ?

Feedingthebirds1 · 17/11/2020 23:09

It's just pyjamas. What a non issue.
If it's 'just pyjamas' and a 'non issue', why is it OK for MIL to insist that she's buying them and that the baby MUST wear them all day Christmas Day, but not for the OP to want to do the same.

What does it matter? It’s nice she wants to be involved
Is it nice and is she involved, or is she dictating because she has to be first at everything?

Be thankful that your MIL is so interested and caring
Interested and caring, or controlling?

If she'd said she would love to buy the baby some Christmas pyjamas and she'd drop them off so that OP could use them when she was ready, fine. Telling the OP that (a) she IS buying them and (b) that the baby will wear them all day, isn't.

If these firsts are so exciting and special, why are they reserved for grandma? Don't you think the parents might like a share in that too?

ClaireP20 · 17/11/2020 23:27

@fudgecat

Pop it on, take a pic. "Whoops, baby's been sick!" Change. Easy 😁
Exactly this...xx
FurrySlipperBoots · 17/11/2020 23:29

Just tell her that, nicely. It does't need to be a big deal surely?

'That's really sweet of you! I'm actually looking forward to choosing her Christmas PJs myself, but if you find some suitable for during advent/ New Years Eve that would be wonderful!'

BangersAndMush · 17/11/2020 23:35

I think people missing the point a bit - I'm in agreement with those saying that they didn't know Christmas day PJs was a "thing". I have kids and I have never even thought about this before. So yes, in that sense, it might seem silly to get annoyed about someone buying your baby some Christmas PJs. I get that.

However, I think this issue here is that OP has been dictated to by her MIL. The MIL didn't just buy some nice PJs as a gift for her grandchild. She bought the PJs and has given strict instructions that they are to be worn on Christmas day. Personally I think that's a bit weird and over the top. If what the baby wears is really such a none issue, then why is the MIL trying to interfere like this?

I don't think this is something that needs to cause an argument, but I would feel uncomfortable about being told by my MIL that my baby is going to wear a particular outfit chosen by her, on a day where she won't even be with the baby. It would make me think that she's going to over step like this more in the future.

So although I am inclined to agree that this Christmas PJs thing is a bit daft, I can completely understand why OP feels weird about it.

PawPawNoodle · 17/11/2020 23:37

I'm more interested in what a 'baby steal' is. Please enlighten me.

HOkieCOkie · 17/11/2020 23:53

First Xmas pjs is that really a thing. Just enjoy your child and don’t let this nonsense get you in a tizzy.

thegcatsmother · 18/11/2020 00:11

Ds was in babygros for his first Christmas, afaik, but he was only 2 months old - who cares, or even remembers?

Christmas pjs were not a thing when I was growing up, nor when ds was growing up, and he was born in 95.

Flatpackback · 18/11/2020 00:29

How many babies wear one set of clothes all day? You’re being totally unreasonable. Stick baby in them for a couple of hours then put them in the wash whether they need it or not. Just tip some water on them if MIL gets too precious and tell her they’re wet through. Put baby in the ones you have bought for the rest of the day. It really isn’t something to get worked up about.

saraclara · 18/11/2020 00:39

why is it OK for MIL to insist that she's buying them and that the baby MUST wear them all day

She hasn't insisted and she hasn't said "must".

The mil has told me shes giving her some pjs on Christmas eve for her to wake up in and wear through the day.

...to which the response is "Oh, what a lovely thought. But I've already bought her Christmas Day outfit. She can wear them to bed on Christmas Eve and when she first gets up, though. That'll be so cute"

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 18/11/2020 00:44

@denshort

When did Christmas pyjamas become a thing Hmm
About a million years ago, welcome out of your cave 🥂🍾
Doggybiccys · 18/11/2020 00:44

@Spied

Don't put the PJs on and take photos as you'll be encouraging more of the same next year and you'll be here with a similar thread getting told yabu/overreacting. Put them in a drawer for other nights and put your baby in the clothes you choose on Xmas Eve/day.
This.
WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 18/11/2020 00:45

@Wildflower219

Okay I am going to be biased here and say YABU only because my dad's thing was to buy the grandkids pj's for Christmas every year he did the full set matching Slippers dressing gowns etc and they always got to open them Xmas eve and wear them and they rly looked forward to it and always knew what Granda got them and got to say which character they wanted that year. He never really knew what to get them so was just his thing. We lost my lovely dad two years ago and now there is no one to buy the Christmas pj's. We of course buy our own kids now but for the kids it was such a tradition and something theyl always remember of their Granda. Maybe this will be the same for yoy and embrace it? You get to pick the outfit
I'm sorry to hear about your Dad, it's hard isn't it!!! Lovely memories for your kids to have x
Barryisland · 18/11/2020 00:48

Wow! You are so ungrateful.
Be glad that your m I l is interested in your child.
I’m glad you’re not my daughter in law.
You will look back one day and realise how stupid you sound.

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 18/11/2020 00:54

@MrsKeats

There's a major world pandemic and this is what people are worrying about. Biscuit
Pandemic? Yep Still baby's first Christmas? Yep

Are you not celebrating Christmas?

I'm sure the OP is more than aware that there's a pandemic that's made having her first baby quite different than she planned it! Doesn't mean she should sit in the corner working on a vaccine on Christmas Day FFS

People are allowed 'other thiughts' believe it or not!!

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 18/11/2020 00:58

@Barryisland

Wow! You are so ungrateful. Be glad that your m I l is interested in your child. I’m glad you’re not my daughter in law. You will look back one day and realise how stupid you sound.
Or not.

Having her MIL try to dictate what the baby will wear on CD isn't 'nice', if her MIL was doing something nice she would have just bought the baby some PJ's or asked the OP what she needs for the baby.

The OP wants to choose HER baby's first CD clothing.

FourPlatinumRings · 18/11/2020 01:03

Yeah, I used to care about this stuff too.

Cloudtraffic · 18/11/2020 01:36

Is this a MIL thread then OP? How would you feel if your DM suggested?

thegcatsmother · 18/11/2020 01:47

About a million years ago, welcome out of your cave 🥂🍾

witches Christmas pjs are something I have only ever seen mentioned on MN. It wasn't a thing when I was growing up in the 60s/70s and 80s; and it never came across my radar when I had ds in 95.

It's evidently a thing for some people, but it seems I am not alone in being unaware of it.

Backbee · 18/11/2020 01:51

Is this a MIL thread then OP? How would you feel if your DM suggested?

Quite, MILs can't win really, either doing too much or not enough. If the post just said 'a relative' some answers would probably be different.