To ask why children and teens have such bad mental health? (pre-pandemic)

[peepeelongstocking]

Surely there must be something massively wrong in society, but what is it? I’m inclined to think it’s social media (screens as a whole really), and a lack of prospects for the future (due to high house prices and lack of jobs). Surely there must be more to it though.

I know we’re diagnosing MH issues much more, but it’s rare that you’d find an older person who remembers feeling suicidal during their teen years for example. That seems to be more or less standard now.

I’d love to know what others think it is!

From my own experience as a parent of a child it's that and unfortunately as a child myself it was divorce and later, blended families

This too. Sorry but it's true. I'm a teacher, and a single parent. I will never blend families with anyone. I see too often the detrimental effects of blended families, and I'm always shocked and annoyed at the speed and force in which children are rushed into new families and expected to be happy about it.

My kids didn't come out my divorce unscathed but I had to weigh up of watching their parents staying in a miserable marriage was healthier than splitting up (it's not).

Research has shown that there is a genetic element that means some individuals are more predisposed to eating disorders.

And the government's anti obesity drive with lessons on healthy eating in schools are not helping those individuals either. There is a link between eating disorders and autism too.
Individuals who take things very literally & predisposed to eating disorders can take the information being pushed in healthy eating classes at school too far eg this food is bad - this is good.

I think I had poor mental health as a teenager. I certainly had extreme social anxiety from around 9 or 10, and I felt I couldn't talk to anyone about any problems (high achiever, anything less than perfect wasn't good enough for my parents).
This lead to alcohol issues as an adult, as I found alcohol to be a magic cure for the anxiety aged 16.
But it's only now I realise this. So I don't think poor mental health is a new thing. We just talk about it more and hopefully recognise it earlier.

I agree with a lot of the comments on here. Beyond that I think that there is also an issue with a lack of active parental engagement. For many parents are working all hours in bad conditions to keep their heads above water financially. For others, there may be a better level of income but both parents are working often long hours to pay the mortgage/rent on a family sized house. Then when parents get home everything else needs doing and it is too easy to let teens hide away with their phones whilst they clean the house/cook dinner etc. Also, how many threads have their been from even SAHM at the top of the financial tree feeling frazzled as the high providing DH works long hours/abroad all week and then has to spend most of the weekend on his "hobby" to "destress".

My parents were physically abusive but my mother got home from work at 5 and my father (usuallY) at 6 - most fathers and quite a few mothers round by me are rarelyhome before 7pm at the earliest.

@Londonmummy66

I agree with a lot of the comments on here. Beyond that I think that there is also an issue with a lack of active parental engagement. For many parents are working all hours in bad conditions to keep their heads above water financially. For others, there may be a better level of income but both parents are working often long hours to pay the mortgage/rent on a family sized house. Then when parents get home everything else needs doing and it is too easy to let teens hide away with their phones whilst they clean the house/cook dinner etc. Also, how many threads have their been from even SAHM at the top of the financial tree feeling frazzled as the high providing DH works long hours/abroad all week and then has to spend most of the weekend on his "hobby" to "destress".

My parents were physically abusive but my mother got home from work at 5 and my father (usuallY) at 6 - most fathers and quite a few mothers round by me are rarelyhome before 7pm at the earliest.

Funny how a lot of posters think it's the exact opposite,too much parenting and involvement in children's lives.

@Aquamarine1029

Not being taught self-control. Not being taught coping skills. Not being taught life skills which instills confidence and independence. Not being properly disciplined. Not being allowed to fail and face the consequences.

All this 👌

More bad parents than good; most secondary schools are crap.

Wow so if you have a child with poor mental health you’re a crap parent.

@Skysblue

More bad parents than good; most secondary schools are crap.

Bet you think you're one of the good ones...

Also - and its taboo to say it 😱😱😱 - we have an unusually high proportion of children put into childcare at a very young age, while both parents work long hours and aren’t available to do the emotional coaching the child needs to develop strong mental health. Childcarers do not have time (or inclination) to do much emotional coaching. Even the best nanny I met shrugged when I said “Wow if you say that to her won’t she have nightmares” and replied “haha that’s after 7pm so mum’s problem not mine.” Several nannies later, that bright confident toddler is now an insecure and neurotic bully and her parents haven’t even noticed the state she is in let alone the reasons. (The teacher is aware but says “what can I do the problem is her mum and dad work all hours and I can’t stop them).

Few people in the UK prioritise children’s mental health, therefore it is in a bad state.

@ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble Yes, I’m awesome.

Not with such a lack of empathy and emotional intelligence and limited views, you're not.

Few people in the UK prioritise children’s mental health, therefore it is in a bad state

And yet the figures posted earlier in the thread show there hasn't been a huge increase in poor mental health so how do you back up your belief that too much childcare and working parents are to blame for this non-existent rise?

I think extremes of parenting contribute to it - helicopter parenting, and totally disengaged parenting.

They've got to be able to tread their own path, make their own mistakes, but still feel they can come to us when they're out of their depth. We should still be noticing if our kid is coming in pissed as a fart or high as a kite - particularly if it's multiple times a week.

There is tremendous pressure in this country. We feel it. They, as our kids, see it. They realise that this pressure is theirs to bear as well. Educationally, careerwise. . .

And yeah, it's cramped, it's hard not to get into somebody elses business, or feel they've got into yours.

@Figr011

Wow so if you have a child with poor mental health you’re a crap parent.

Apparently

People talk a load of bollocks on here so hopefully no one is taking the views to heart

I agree with the other issues and broken families.

I’m 29. I have two brothers, one has schizophrenia and the other is an alcoholic. I was the lucky one and I only have a bit of mild anxiety.

Our Dad left when we were about 6, barely saw him. We had a very unsuccessful ‘blended’ family. It’s quite textbook really. Children need to be secure in a family unit and we didn’t have that, it was very dysfunctional. Half/ step siblings/ step parent scenarios are too common now and parents don’t seem to understand the impact.

Oh and we would have been left to cry as babies/ didn’t have childcare in our early years. I don’t think that is to blame.

@Pegase

Incidentally this idea of talking about mental health issues being a self-fulfilling prophecy is bullshit. People with depression have visible physiological differences in the brain. You don't think yourself into clinical depression. Same with talking about suicide. Talking about suicide, sensitively, does not increase its prevalence.

Your quite wrong about that, in fact if you look at best practices around dealing with suicide, it's quite clear that social contagion is a significant worry and it informs the best practice recommendations.

There is not much clear medical consensus that depression is caused by chemical differences in the brain. It's been a common myth for about 30 years now, and was largely intended to reduce social stigma, with the hopes that it would encourage people to seek help.

@Gancanny

Few people in the UK prioritise children’s mental health, therefore it is in a bad state

And yet the figures posted earlier in the thread show there hasn't been a huge increase in poor mental health so how do you back up your belief that too much childcare and working parents are to blame for this non-existent rise?

There has been a rise(steady over the years), just not as significant or radical as some posters would have you believe.

And yeah I found my own stats and sources, because despite spouting all these "facts" bone if the posters were actually willing to put the work in and research.

Why would they when "I have a feeling" is enough?

Interestingly, when looking at studies ,statistics and research mental health issues behavioural issues,hyperactivity etc are also added in the numbers.

I think there is an increase in recognition of it. When I had suicidal thoughts, an eating disorder and self-harmed 30 years ago, I didn't even recognise that I had a mental health problem myself, let alone seeking help or speaking to anyone about it. Increased recognition is a good thing. On the other hand, and I fall into this trap too, we are quick to label normal issues and mood states as "mental health issues". And the concept of mental health as opposed to mental illness is an interesting one. We are now looking to be mentally well and wanting our children and teens to be mentally well, rather than only identifying diagnosable mental illnesses. Not saying this is a bad thing, but things are definitely categorised as "mental health issues" which would have once been accepted as part of the normal experience of life.

My kids have screen time. But I’m very aware how corrosive social media seems to be, given all the downsides I’m really unclear why we so happily allow our kids to use it..

Also - over the past 12 years the state has dismantled support for children of all ages.

And whilst I’m about it. If both parents and grandparents are working all hours who has time to properly see and pay attention to the needs of children. We need a reset.

As a previous poster also noted further up, we can't deny the role of processed food. The impact of gut bacteria species variety on anxiety and ASD has been proven. Processed and ultra processed food represents in many homes more than 50-60% of the food bought and this will increase the bad bacterias in the microbiome.
Somehow it is embed in the British culture to have crisps on an almost daily basis, together with other processed snacks, breakfast and an extremely limited variety of fresh produce.

Screens, absolutely, especially hand held, especially streaming. They are alienating and creativity-killer. A chid is never ;eft alone with their thoughts or challenged to use imagination to fill a gap in time

So to recap.

Parents are too involved.
Parents aren't involved enough .
Parents are there too much.
Parents aren't there enough.
Too many activities.
Not enough activities.
Parents are too permissive.
Parents put too much pressure on kids.
Parents don't expect enough from kids
Parents expect too much from kids.
Parents pander too much.
Parents don't pander enough.

Got it.

I mean why look at things that have been proven to have a negative impact like ACEs , poverty,homelessness etc when we can bullshit ourselves that the "other side" is the problem?

I’m inclined to think it’s children being peer oriented from a ridiculously young age and parents having no choice but to work from very early on in their children’s lives.