To ask why children and teens have such bad mental health? (pre-pandemic)

[peepeelongstocking]

Surely there must be something massively wrong in society, but what is it? I’m inclined to think it’s social media (screens as a whole really), and a lack of prospects for the future (due to high house prices and lack of jobs). Surely there must be more to it though.

I know we’re diagnosing MH issues much more, but it’s rare that you’d find an older person who remembers feeling suicidal during their teen years for example. That seems to be more or less standard now.

I’d love to know what others think it is!

People not recognizing a mental health issue in others is huge. They don't get heard and the "listener" jumps in with opinion e.g. "this is what I did" or " I wouldn't tolerate that". or questioning their motives or reasoning instead of listening without a judgement thought.

Some children have undiagnosed autism and or adhd which is missed in the school or health system then they receive negative responses from all sides including at home. The knocks themselves down without seeing the issue.
The social media or net exascerbates problem...fans the negative beliefs children may have.

The short of it is teens and children have bad mental health because of reasons that always have been around plus some added stressors (like SM).

However there is no significant increase,we just hear and talk about it more. Diagnosis has replaced a lot of unhealthy coping mechanisms.

They are not snowflakes , they are actually allowed to put a name to their struggles and behaviours.

The prejudice and assumptions made on this thread contribute more to young people's bad mental health than SM,attachment parenting or whatever else was blamed.

How many of you actually know a teen that has had no trauma,a safe,loving,supportive home and upbringing,no disability or SEN etc that is depressed/anxious solely because someone looked at them wrong, or disagreed with then or whatever trivial reason has been mentioned?

I have two children who have struggled at times with mental health

One since they were 8 so no social media or screens

The other following an illness

So sometimes i think its down to the child and life circumstances

Darn i wish id seen comeonbabys post

What she said

Or maybe there have always been huge MH issues with children but it was never the done thing to acknowledge them and kids were made to conform regardless. We are better as a society for treating our children as actual people these days.

@Hollybollybingbong
But don't we have so much because we have always had it? It is a part of human condition. Now we (as a society) pay more attention to it, it gives us a chance to figure it out and help those suffering.
I see the irony of people with no mh struggles in their families claiming on social media that social media is the reason.
Or blame parenting, etc. In fact, replacing the question why, to which we don't have answer, by a question 'What would make me unhappy, or why I think other people are weird'

@RufustheSniggeringReindeer

Apart from the last paragraph...i know one, anxious since they were 8

Ignore me comeonbaby im a plonker 😀

Judging by my teen DSD, I'd say the majority stems from traumas at home, compounded by social media meaning there is no 'off'.

Everything is magnified to a teen anyway (from what I remember of my teenage years!) and when you have countless opinions flooding in at you from other people on social channels, also teens who blow situations up, the smallest thing can take on epic proportions.

As adults we know when to step away and give ourselves some space to assess a situation, whereas justification and analysis of an issue in minute detail seems to be the go to (certainly in my dad's group). This generally isn't overly helpful, given that those offering opinions tend not to have the experience or insight to offer much useful advice, and tend to just whip things up into a frenzy instead.

Do you know what is really sad about this thread and that is that there is clearly still such stigma attached to discussing mental health issues, especially when it comes to child mental health issues.

Part of this comes down to the perception, of many, that it must be chaotic lives or inattentive (or over attentive) parenting to blame.

There was an article about a young boy who committed suicide during the first lockdown in the paper the other day, I've nearly lost my son to suicide and it is a constant worry for me because of his mental health issues.

If some people viewed the amount of time he spends on the internet they would blame that and my 'lack' of parenting skills on his mental health issues when in fact his gaming is his social life, without it he wouldn't interact with anyone in the outside world for months on end.

Things won't improve unless we stop automatically judging others for their or their children's mental health issues. Sometimes these things happen because a person has a pre-disposition, autistic people are massively pre-disposed to comorbid mental health issues.

It is not just strangers who judge, it's family and worse still some mental health professionals also judge, the very ones who are supposed to help you.

It is a very lonely place parenting a child with acute mental health issues, it is not 'being a bit sad' it is not resilience, my child is MORE resilient than any child without the equivalent issues, he has to be to stay alive.

When I was growing up, I knew one self-harmer but it was rare back then and knew of, but not personally, one or two with eating disorders.

There were certainly children with 'problems' or from 'problem families' but these weren't necessarily addressed as mental health issues or brought out into the open, as they are now.

In a way, social media doesn't help but my eldest learnt quickly that it was fake and doesn't take it seriously and uses it more as a tool to keep in touch with people - like texting.

I do know from my own children that there is so much more pressure to achieve and very much the idea that, if you don't have a job with status, you have no value and you have failed. There was this idea when I was a child but it was more accepted that some weren't going to make it and some would leave school at 16 and get a job in a shop or whatever.

The other thing I've noted about today's yoof and wider society as a whole is instant gratification. My children often competed with their peers about what they did at the weekend. They got to an age when they're weren't happy about pottering around the park but wanted something expensive with whistles and bells, such as a trip to a theme park. The problem with the area I live in is that so many people have a lot of money but there is huge societal inequality. Back in the day, a trip to Thorpe Park was a real treat and, most of the time, it was accepted that children needed to make their own entertainment and be content with kicking a ball around or hanging out with friends.

Definitely social media and the fact we are more exposed to things now like 24 hour news and entertainment.
You can see or get everything you need at a click of a button at anytime of day or night with no wait .
Then you have the pressure they put on themselves to look a certain way, act a certain way and do certain things..
Also I think family values have crumbled a bit in the last decade or so .

I had ocd triggered by depression as a teen 20 years ago but never knew thats what it was as it wasn't discussed
I even went to the dr about how sore my hands were ( constant washing ) people knew I was doing it but nobody knew or said what it was , somehow I managed to deal with it myself ( or so I thought ) but last year or so its manifested a lot worse and come to bite me on the bum , maybe of mh conditions were more understood then I could of got help earlier and of dealt with it sooner

As an ex teacher I think it’s twofold

1. The fact that there’s more awareness now than there was in the 60s/70s/80s/90s.

1. Pressure. Children and teens have pressure from all angles. Social media, society but most of all the education system. Since Gove (vomit) changed the entire system in 2014, our kids have to endure a highly target driven, ‘teach to the test’ style of school from age 4. Schools have no choice but to pressurize the children because they are held to account on every single small and large thing.

As a society too we place too much emphasis on exams. SATs for 7 and 11 year olds, GCSEs. In reality SATs mean nothing to a child’s future as they are re-assessed at secondary school anyway and in reality who needs 9/10 GCSEs??

The pressure also comes from parents who feel every second of every day has to be filled with ‘activities’. As many others have said this, coupled with screens and school leaves no time for true ‘free’ play/time. The white space in life where we daydream, think and create.

I think it is possibly to do with the absolutely ridiculously high expectations people have for their lives. There is a culture of 'you can be and do anything you want' and pressure to 'live your best life' all the time. If you're not having a great time and achieving all your dreams it's very easy to look around and see more 'successful' people (even if it's a social media lie) which makes you feel as though you've failed.

@peepeelongstocking

Surely there must be something massively wrong in society, but what is it? I’m inclined to think it’s social media (screens as a whole really), and a lack of prospects for the future (due to high house prices and lack of jobs). Surely there must be more to it though.

I know we’re diagnosing MH issues much more, but it’s rare that you’d find an older person who remembers feeling suicidal during their teen years for example. That seems to be more or less standard now.

I’d love to know what others think it is!

Lack of parenting, discipline. No family time. Both parents out at work and kids in childcare/school for most of the day. Kids being elevated to mini gods that must never be told no, lose, or wait for anything. Erosion of standards in general. Other people not being allowed to tell kids to stop doing things they shouldn't. Erosion of community. Sexualisation too young. Being exposed to inappropriate things. Teenagers behaving like adults.

Say that's ^ all bullshit but there wasn't this level of anxiety or depression in children in the 80's.

@ElizaDeee source please.

Suicide rates amongst 10-29 yos have stayed largely the same since 1981.

So I would like any stats,graphs or studies that show that anxiety and depression were much lower in the '80s. I'd accept it even if we already know there wasn't as much awareness or ability/willingness to diagnose then.

Or is your post based on "feeling" like OP's?

TBh considering a lot of the replies on here that show what a sneering,dismissive ,prejudiced and negative attitude some people have about children and teens in general, there's no wonder a lot of them struggle with their mental health.

Grown ass women looking down on 5 yos or 15 yos for being weak and snowflakes and spoilt.

That's why I prefer children to the majority of grownups.

@simonthedog

I think there is massive pressure to do well in exams that just wasn't there thirty years ago. Then you could leave school and pretty much walk into a job of some sorts. Not so now, There is a constant pressure to do well in order to get into university to then get a job. And once you've done all that in many places you still won't be able to afford to buy a house.

Exactly this!

My eldest daughter is now 25. She did 13 GCSEs plus extra qualifications. 4 A levels. 2.1 degree (in a STEM subject) from a top 4 university including working for a year on placement. Struggled to get a job for over a year. Now has been working for over a year in London on a low salary. Rent is extortionate. No chance of buying her own home in the foreseeable future.

So to the people that just blame social media, that is not all that is to blame. Every generation up until this generation has had better living standards now it's going backwards.

@ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble

TBh considering a lot of the replies on here that show what a sneering,dismissive ,prejudiced and negative attitude some people have about children and teens in general, there's no wonder a lot of them struggle with their mental health.

Grown ass women looking down on 5 yos or 15 yos for being weak and snowflakes and spoilt.

That's why I prefer children to the majority of grownups.

Well said . It’s disgusting, not only are they scoffed at they’re also blamed for anything and everything.

In my day, children of fourteen and fifteen did n't dress in the height of the fashion; go to parties, as nearly like those of grown people as it's possible to make them; lead idle, giddy, unhealthy lives, and get blas at twenty. We were little folks till eighteen or so; worked and studied, dressed and played, like children; honored our parents; and our days were much longer in the land than now, it seems to, me.

Spoken by a 70-year-old grandmother in Louisa Alcott's 'An Old-Fashioned Girl' (1869).

Incidentally, this book includes the attempted suicide of a 17-year-old girl.

I'm not playing down current problems; but young people have always had mental health problems, and their elders have always blamed the 'unhealthy' modern lifestyles.

And 'instant gratification' and lack of opportunity to deal with boredom may indeed make some people lazy and/or uncreative; but there is little evidence that they would cause actual mental health problems.

So much unpleasant dismissal of young people on here.

How very sad.

I just think people either have short memories or were very lucky.

@Aquamarine1029

Not being taught self-control. Not being taught coping skills. Not being taught life skills which instills confidence and independence. Not being properly disciplined. Not being allowed to fail and face the consequences.

This this this, plus social media.

Social media accounts for a lot but then we as patents are on mumsnet so it's a bit hypocritical to suggest kids aren't allowed.
The future is digital...our kids need to learn the critical thinking skills to filter good from bad on social media and resilianxe not to care.
Plus they should keep a connection with nature ...outdoor sports, walks animals etc are all good dor the soul and an antidote to the technological world.
I did gcses 25 years ago and it was very pressurised then too..

Parents