Stop asking if I’m Mrs or Miss

[catspyjamas123]

I just hate it when companies ask if I’m Mrs or Miss - what business is it whether I’m married or not? I’ve politely put up with it for years but it makes me fume. They don’t ask men if they are married. Even worse, some companies assume I am a Mrs. I am NOT. I am very happily divorced and definitely a Ms. Are they being unreasonable? Vote yes if it’s a completely unnecessary intrusion into your home life. Vote no if it’s quite alright to all live in a 1950s nightmare!

Funnily enough, the equality movement here means that people want to use female versions of titles more often - so a female doctor might call herself Frau Dr.in Schmidt, short for Doktorin, the female version of Doktor.

I'm sure it's not done anymore - at least I hope not! - but in the past if someone was described as Frau Doktor Schmidt, wouldn't the assuption have been that she was married to Doktor Schmidt (ugh!), not that she was a doctor herself?

I've just remarried but I am still Ms. I'm not sure why we even have to have these titles these days.

I am not a Ms. and never have been.

I don't care if I am being called Miss or Mrs (it's rare anyone calls me Miss nowadays ) and I never have! If someone asks me, I just tell them. Who cares if they got it wrong.

I can think of a few women who get offended if they get called Mrs, or Miss - so you can never please anyone!

@Plussizejumpsuit because it really doesn't matter does it if i want to use ms I have that option , like i said many forms ask your marital status shall we leave this off too as again its not really relevant , but actually for things like insurance it can be ,

Mademoiselle and Fraulein have been deemed inappropriate for many years. It's really not ideal to be addressing an adult female stranger as 'my little lady'. 'Maiden name' is another term that is equally repulsive.

Other than this, my preferred option would be not to use a title at all. Why are they even necessary? I default to 'Dr' because I'm bored shitless with this particular discussion (and also find it quite amusing if it's assumed before meeting me that I am a man, which has happened once or twice). Without 'Dr', I'd use 'Ms'. In the unlikely instance it's necessary for me to know a woman's title outside a working context I'd default to 'Ms' as a courtesy unless they stated clear preferences to the contrary.

It's horse shit really though, isn't it? Why the need for a distinction between 'Miss' and 'Mrs' when they are both abbreviations for the same word of 'mistress?' Makes little sense to me. Then again, a lot of things in this life don't

@puffinkoala our gay friends, after they had a civil partnership, called themselves Mr and Mr. My sister did a wedding cake for a lesbian couple who asked for it to have a topper with Mrs & Mrs on it.

@BarbaraofSeville

But why do people not like Ms?

It's a neutral female title and equivalent to Mr.

Obviously it just demonstrates the pointless nature of titles but if you're a woman it's always going to be the appropriate title to use.

Miss or Mrs have implications about marital status, which many women object to.

I don't particularly like Ms, and I think it's just that I like old things, the richness and complexity of history. Mrs was used for all adult women until more recent history, and even more recently it was used for unmarried cooks and housekeepers as a mark of status. I like that it comes from "Mistress" - like the mistress of the house. Someone grown-up and in charge, specifically female. In comparison, Ms feels a bit sterile and squeaky to me. I would not be offended to be called Ms, as it's not incorrect, but I'd rather be called by the title I prefer - Mrs. As a Miss, I preferred Miss too. I have no issue with other women being called Ms. But it does grate when (as so many in this thread demonstrate) they show open disdain and a lack of real curiosity.

@catspyjamas123

I believe in France everyone female is Madame, in Germany all women are Frau and in Spain all women are Senora. Much more sensible. I am not Mrs Catspyjamas though - that is my mother.

Mademoiselle? Senorita?

@timeforanewstart

I don't feel that being a mrs means my husband owns me and my nan is still a mrs despite being divorced And single for 20 years as she couldn't be bothered to change her name back

My mum changed her name back when she got divorced and is Ms, although I suspect she gets called Mrs by quite a few people.

On the same forms you will all be pretty much asked your relationship status as well , married , cohabiting , civil partnership so you will be stating you marital status anyway
But do you really think the person on the other end actually cares what you call yourself

I'm sometimes Miss sometimes Ms depends how old I feel that day

I think titles are irrelevant, and don't use one unless absolutely forced to. At that point I use Ms.

I understand (and I'm sure other posters understand) that its not the fault of the poor sod having to ask the question: of course they're just going through the "computer says" classification.

The point is that its daft and outdated for a woman to be categorised according to her marital status. It literally puts you in a box that defines whether you are married or not. It's just not relevant whether you're married or not and it shouldn't be the first question you are asked. This doesn't mean I'm going to have a go at the person asking but I'm entitled to think its outdated nonsense.

Just because things have always been done a certain way doesn't mean they should stay like that forever. Remember slavery?

I chose Ms when I got married. Why is it that my partner doesn't have to denote they are married but I do? Also why is it only fathers that are put on marriage records in a registration office? I don't even know my birth father's last name and didn't know he existed till I was 9-10 years old.

I have no problem with being asked if I’m Mrs or Miss (or Ms). I’m Mrs and dislike being referred to as anything else. If I had another title it would be easy to say “it’s Dr or Rev’d actually”. I hate only being given the “Ms” option. I get called “Miss” with no surname attached at work (school) which I don’t mind so much but add my surname and I a, definitely MRS BuggerOff not MISS BuggerOff.

I don’t see it as asking what my marital status is... it’s asking what title I wish to use....

When I finish this PhD I'm reeeeally looking forward to correcting them to Dr.

OP is picking the wrong battle.

Much more serious, and really worth kicking up a stink over is the presumption of some banks and other companies that they always address the male in a partnership (the "Mr." ) over the women regardless of who owns the account.

And this isn't a trivial issue. When a big building society went public a few years ago, they managed to wipe out all the tax relief on joint accounts where the womans name was (correctly) first. And woman (as usual) had to suck it up.

@Searchesforhipbones - but it is the legal default to keep your own name. When you get married if you want to change it you have to do so pro actively.

@ThistleWitch

Calling an adult female “Mademoiselle” in France is considered VERY rude these days.

It’s not customer relations when you begin a business conversation by asking if someone is the chattel of a man or not. It’s insulting

No, you're insulting. I am not the chattel of a man no matter what title I use, thanks very much

I didn't change my surname when I got married. So I'm not Miss Elfycat or Mrs Elfycat, or MrsDHSurname.

Writing Ms is such a habit now that when filling out my primary school age DDs paperwork they are also Ms. They can pick their own Ms/Miss/Mrs/Mx etc later when the paperwork job is no longer mine.

There wasn't a Ms option on an online form a few years back, and it was a compulsory field. I put Mr as I figured it was only one letter away from the one I wanted - it was the closest, right? I then emailed the company to complain.

Seriously, reclaim Mrs. Why shouldn't unmarried women use it, like they used to centuries ago? I think that's a very neat way to dismantle the conventions that many of you are objecting to.

I don’t see it as asking what my marital status is... it’s asking what title I wish to use....

It would be good, then, if they could ask simply this. 'Which title do you prefer to use?' is an eminently reasonable and polite question: one which could be directed to a man also.

I fail to compute why so few people actually do this, and why 'is that Miss or Mrs?' seems to be the default phrasing. It does, also, still seem that if a woman (especially a married one) chooses a different form of address from the one some others deem appropriate, said others will immediately try to put her back in her box.

'Which title do you prefer to use?' politely avoids all that. Rarely happens, though, which I find interesting. For that reason alone the OP is DNBU.

@TurquoiseDragon

I think titles are irrelevant, and don't use one unless absolutely forced to. At that point I use Ms.

Yes! I was filling in a webform to buy something the other day and the page wouldn’t let me submit - I was puzzled until I scrolled back up and realised the ‘title’ field was mandatory. Why? Why do they need to know that when I’m buying socks and a candle? My full name along with my address and postcode, and the items will reach me - my title is irrelevant

I’m single, never married, offended is too strong a word but I do get irritated by the usual assumption that I am Mrs Ted27

I’m definitely not a Mrs.