Stop asking if I’m Mrs or Miss

[catspyjamas123]

I just hate it when companies ask if I’m Mrs or Miss - what business is it whether I’m married or not? I’ve politely put up with it for years but it makes me fume. They don’t ask men if they are married. Even worse, some companies assume I am a Mrs. I am NOT. I am very happily divorced and definitely a Ms. Are they being unreasonable? Vote yes if it’s a completely unnecessary intrusion into your home life. Vote no if it’s quite alright to all live in a 1950s nightmare!

It's not the company's fault, is it? How are they supposed to know what you use. When they ask me I just say Ms and there's never any problem.
They can't put Ms by default because some women do prefer Miss or Mrs.

I'm divorced and have used Ms as my title for 18yrs . I'm almost 50. I'm regularly called Miss, Mrs and Mr - I just laugh now, it's not worth getting upset about.

Miss - mademoiselle
Mrs - Madame
Ms - miserable

It isn't asking your marital status just how you would like to be addressed.

Fräulein hasn't been used officially since the 1980s, though you'll sometimes hear an older person use it, or someone say it jokily as an equivalent to "young lady".

I translate some of those websites into English and always make "Frau" into the equivalent "Ms", but yes, often a German speaker who is not a translator will do the website and write "Mrs" as they have no clue that it means you're married.

Funnily enough, the equality movement here means that people want to use female versions of titles more often - so a female doctor might call herself Frau Dr.in Schmidt, short for Doktorin, the female version of Doktor.

I’m frequently labelled as a Ms and I don’t like it. This happened when I was a Miss and now I’m a Mrs. I’ve never been a Ms.

YABU. Companies generally ask for this do they know how to address you on letters. I ask for this info at work as part of my job although I always give Ms as an option as well as Miss and Mrs.

I like being called Mrs and prefer it to Ms so don't want that option to be removed thanks very much.

It makes me fume. Anyone who thinks it's a fuss about nothing pisses me off too. It's not ok to be defined by my relationship to a man, thanks, you can fuck off. It's an outdated indicator of the patriarchy

[quote timeforanewstart]@Plussizejumpsuit i feel a bit embarrassed for women who think they are superior to other women just because they chose to keep their name or doubled barrelled
Personally i think an individual has a right to do what they want , and see that others have different opinions [/quote]
Are you referring to me thinking I'm superior? That's not what I said is it? Thing is you can justify it anyway you like but ultimately you're telling the world you're married and that you are subservient to your husband. It is embarrassing sorry but if you cat see that then I do feel embarrassed for you.

@CherryValanc no I wouldn't hate it as I don't care that much ,would rather people just used my first name , but at same time some prefer mrs or miss when there is an option , but op thinks there should be no option only ms because that is what they would
Like, other posters implying using mrs means you are owned - i mean that says more about them really

Since I chose to use my DH surname as opposed to my maiden name, I prefer Mrs. When I was single I preferred Ms. Haven't been a Miss since I was about 16. Miss always made me feel like a kiddy.

Being known as Mrs doesn't mean I'm a chattel of a man. If I felt like that I wouldn't have taken his surname would I?

I'm happy to be Mrs and I was more than happy to change my surname.

When you go by Ms. this is VERY annoying. A simple, "what is your title?" would suffice.

This annoys me so much. Once boys become men their ‘master’ title automatically becomes ‘Mr’. Why doesn’t ‘miss’ automatically become ‘Mrs’?

I’ve just started looking to buy a house and every time I get asked this by the estate agents I’m foaming. It’s none of their business if I’m married.

I am a Mrs technically, but I sometimes still use Ms as frankly it's not anyone else's business and shouldn't define me.
It really should just be Ms for women and Mr for men. It's irrelevant whether you are married in this day and age.

Some people get really wound up about it though.
I once sat next to an old school acquaintance at a wedding she said she hated being referred to as Ms rather than Miss because, (and I quote directly): "I'm not divorced and I'm not a lesbian".
She always was a bit of a nob though.

I've just started work in a school and I'm finding this an absolute minefield. I'd happily refer to all female staff as ms. but I'm aware some people absolutely hate it.

I'm married and I'm ms. as I kept my maiden name - I also wish this wasn't a thing!

On a side note, my 3yo has just started preschool and has started referring to me and DH as "Sir" when he really wants our attention. I'm assuming he picked it up from preschool even though it's mostly female staff, I hope I'm always Sir to him 😍

I’m not sure that’s true, or why do they have the words mademoiselle, fraulein and senorita?

These word s are related to age, not marital status (bad enough I know) and I believe they're considered rather quaint these days.

As far as I know, English is the only European language which has a title distinguishing between married and unmarried women.

I just refer to any female as ms. It should just be the default. Not i have to write and ask them how they wish to be addressed and then write to ask them about XYZ.

(not that i write a lot of letters like that, it would be dear first name.

Any female who puts (Mrs) after their name on a professional email just gets an eye roll, it looks so naff

@Plussizejumpsuit I am not embarrassed to be married , why should I be
You just put every married women down for no reason , regardless of title many forms actually ask for your marital status anyway
Some mrs may actually be using there name I know if several where the husband took his wifes name and they still go as mr and mrs.
I am not owned by my husband ans neither him by me but it is a fact that we are married

I’ve always been a Ms. I’m from one of those cultures where title is related to age, so the whole calling adults by different titles always struck me as ridiculous.

I use Ms as it strikes me as the neutral option.

@Searchesforhipbones

Haven’t Germany and France made moves to have just one title for adult women? As well as making it the legal default to keep your birth name? (Or is the latter just france and spain)

It's the legal default in the UK already.

To go ahead and change your name after marriage, you actively have to do things, like sending out copies of certificates, etc.

To retain your maiden name, you do nothing at all to changes things.

But why do people not like Ms?

It's a neutral female title and equivalent to Mr.

Obviously it just demonstrates the pointless nature of titles but if you're a woman it's always going to be the appropriate title to use.

Miss or Mrs have implications about marital status, which many women object to.

So you're annoyed if people ask and you're annoyed if people assume. YABU

A surprising number of people don't know how to pronounce Ms, or what it denotes. I have to explain it to my students every September as they write my name on their new exercise books.

@timeforanewstart it's got nothing to do with being embarrassed to be married. It's accepting that a woman's title is allowed to define their marital status while a man's does not. You're accepting that inequality.

It’s not customer relations when you begin a business conversation by asking if someone is the chattel of a man or not. It’s insulting

Which company does that

Pretty well all of them, it's the first drop down field on most forms. However, it's a unisex form, and Mr is also an option.

I think the OP isn't unreasonable - her point is that men don't get asked if they are married or not, and women do. It's time that changed.

However, I remember wanting to make all the titles on my wedding table plan Mr or Ms, and DH said I had to use Mrs or Miss as his mother would be insulted not to be Mrs.

If you are in a heterosexual civil partnership, what do you call yourself then? I guess they are too new for there to be many civil partners on here? Actually, what do gay couples call themselves - whether married or civil partners?