Stop asking if I’m Mrs or Miss

[catspyjamas123]

I just hate it when companies ask if I’m Mrs or Miss - what business is it whether I’m married or not? I’ve politely put up with it for years but it makes me fume. They don’t ask men if they are married. Even worse, some companies assume I am a Mrs. I am NOT. I am very happily divorced and definitely a Ms. Are they being unreasonable? Vote yes if it’s a completely unnecessary intrusion into your home life. Vote no if it’s quite alright to all live in a 1950s nightmare!

@Leannethom85

Find out which doctorate is the easiest to gain and get it, then when anyone asks you, you can say simply.. No I'm Dr actually, Dr catspyjammies.. That will shut them up

I'm a first year PhD student and I won't lie, a big part of me is excited to get my doctorate just to use the title

@LisaLee333

I couldn't honestly get so uptight and upset about something so trivial.

YABU.

And why women get married and then get all weird and huffy when people call them MRS.

WTF is THAT about?

It's not trivial for women to suffer an annoyance that men are completely unaffected by.

I'm very tempted to call myself Countess to get past this.

Or pick the most interesting and obscure option next time I am faced with an online form that gives every choice imaginable.

Its nothing to do with them thinking a women can't set up an account its just there is choices , there a few for men that are common , not loads of drs around.
Im sure dr's may get put down as mr bit they just correct and move on with their lifes

@Gettingthereslowly2020

I hate Miss and Mrs, it's so old fashioned and unecessary in the modern world where women are actual human beings and supposedly equal to men. I'll still be Ms even if I get married.

Yes.

It's not a case of needing to know which is the 'correct' title. Though plenty of people don't seem to see that there are two titles for women purely to indicate their marital status (or ownership).

Master is used for boys until they become men. Wasn't connected to their marital status. It's barely used now. But it the Mrs and Miss labelling might be acceptable if it was an age thing too but it's not - it is to indicate a woman's place and worth.

Mr or Ms are the only options needed really (aside from the professional, religious or formal titles).

Yours,

The Most Honourable Cherry Valance Esq

@catspyjamas123

I’m not blaming the customer relations staff. I am blaming the software or executive who created this question. It’s totally antiquated. I do actually find it insulting when people wrongly address me as Mrs but I tend not to make a fuss about it.

Nobody should be defined by their marital status.

Literally, the company will buy a piece of software, it will probably have some preset values in the Title field that can be added to and removed. This list will come from the titles that people actually use and have given to the company. When they get their first Wing Commander, they will add that to the Title drop-down. And literally nobody in the business will care about Wing Commander Smith's military history, or what Dr White's PhD was in, or who Mrs Miller is married to. They just want to put the customer's preferred title in letters and envelopes, so that said customer does not furiously scrawl back "it is MRS, not MS!", or "DR, not MR!" or "THE Reverend MR Smith, not Reverend Smith!" or "How dare you call me Dorothy instead of Mrs Higgins" etc.

People looking for ways to be offended , I am a mrs and don't want to be ms but because you are you think mrs should be removed from the choices ,

YES. There should only be one for women, the same as men.

I recently didn't buy from Tonychocolonely because they didn't have a Ms option on their website. Petty, yes, but why wouldn't you give that option?!

I totally agree with you that nobody should be defined by their marital status and you’re right, it is often a software issue. In a previous job I often had to take details from patients and input them into the computer. The first screen was simply title, full name and dob but without putting each bit of info in I could literally not progress to the next screen, the computer wouldn’t le me.

People would get arsey when asked ‘miss or Mrs?’ (Although I tended to just ask ‘what title please?’ And let them tell me). Then we were told just to make every woman Ms and we got complaints about that too ‘ I’m not Ms Smith, I’m Mrs Smith!’ Etc. We honestly couldn’t win sometimes. Why they didn’t just get shot of the title I don’t know.

I hardly ever use a title anymore. It's been decades since anyone had a problem with the use of Ms anyway, but I've found that titles have almost completely dropped away and almost everywhere uses firstname surname on form or when taking details over the phone.

I buy from some German online shops and I find that they do use titles plus, because you use fräulein if you're a minor and frau if you're an adult, they tend to do a direct translation into English and therefore don't offer Ms as a choice. If there is no Ms option I always chose Mr, nobody cares.

I did have an extremely funny phone conversation in the 1990s. I was buying something and giving my address, I gave firstname and surname and she asked for my title, so I said "Ms". Then I had to spell it for her. Then she said that she'd never heard of that and therefore it wasn't real. Then she got very shirty and demanded to know whether I was Miss or Mrs. She said I must know whether or not I was married. I said that I did know but didn't see how my status was relevant. She said she couldn't send me the thing unless I told her my marital status, so I asked which type of woman was forbidden to buy the thing (can't even remember what it was now), single or married. She said I was being ridiculous, what she meant was that the package wouldn't be properly addressed without my title. So I told her to pick whatever title she liked as the postal service would deliver it anyway. She went with 'Miss' possibly as a signal that I was being childish.

I’m happily a Mrs but my husband does not own me maybe you’re not as happily divorced as you thought? & Perhaps I’d get more worked up about this question if I ever end up divorced. Just use “Lady” if it bothers you so much.

I don't feel that being a mrs means my husband owns me and my nan is still a mrs despite being divorced And single for 20 years as she couldn't be bothered to change her name back

@amusedbush I'd love to have title as a Dr but my mum says I'm to thick for uni lol
Good luck on your PhD

“The Chattel of a man” this cracked me up.

I would much rather be asked so I can tell them I’m Ms (was Ms before and after I got married).

I find it annoying if they assume I’m Miss because I’m young, or assume I’m Mrs because I’m married.

Controversia, but in this day and age I feel a bit embarrassed for women who get married and take their husbands name and use Mrs. So yanbu at all.

What purpose do titles serve anyway?

I'd really rather not use one and want to be called by my first name. But am up against the online form with compulsory fields, so obviously use Ms.

YABU. Whether you agree with all the different titles or not, the fact is that there are different titles and clearly you would hate to be addressed by the wrong one.

It’s only really making sure they spell your name correctly, if it was a first name eg you were called Clare but they spelt it Claire that would be annoying and at least you would then have something to complain about.

Meh I don't really care if I'm honest.

I was born ElenaCampana and after a couple of years of marriage I’m MsElenaCampana. I chose not to use my husband’s surname or preface it with Mrs because I just didn’t want to. I understand why you don’t like the traditional way, but I do think you’re being quite uptight about it. I’ve never had any of the issues described here either.

I’m Ms even though I’m married. I don’t see why I have to reveal to a stranger whether I’m married or not so I was Ms when I was single too.

Another married here, prefer Ms. Although Ms does tend to imply Miss.
Weirdly with school related things, I tend to emphasise the Mrs.

@Plussizejumpsuit i feel a bit embarrassed for women who think they are superior to other women just because they chose to keep their name or doubled barrelled
Personally i think an individual has a right to do what they want , and see that others have different opinions

@LisaLee333

I couldn't honestly get so uptight and upset about something so trivial.

YABU.

And why women get married and then get all weird and huffy when people call them MRS.

WTF is THAT about?

Feminism innit?

@timeforanewstart

People looking for ways to be offended , I am a mrs and don't want to be ms but because you are you think mrs should be removed from the choices ,

You'd hate my work.

You'd be too offended, as it's Ms or Mr, no other choice.

I agree with you BUT I never get why people say 'Vote yes' or 'Vote no' - the options aren't yes or no - and even if one tries to make sense of it, the closest correlation is Yes = YABU and No = YANBU, but your examples are the other way around because wanting the 1950s nightmare would be saying YABU.

So in essence YANBU about Miss/Mrs but YABU so say vote yes or no. Why do posters keep doing that??