Stop asking if I’m Mrs or Miss

[catspyjamas123]

I just hate it when companies ask if I’m Mrs or Miss - what business is it whether I’m married or not? I’ve politely put up with it for years but it makes me fume. They don’t ask men if they are married. Even worse, some companies assume I am a Mrs. I am NOT. I am very happily divorced and definitely a Ms. Are they being unreasonable? Vote yes if it’s a completely unnecessary intrusion into your home life. Vote no if it’s quite alright to all live in a 1950s nightmare!

[Catlover77]

Yes, as above. I always select ‘Ms’, as my marital status does not define me

[disneybee]

I am married but I always select "Ms" for the same reason, why should my marital status be part of my name?!

[londonscalling]

I could have written this original post myself! I always put myself down as "Ms". It's nobody's business and, as you say, men aren't asked! I sometimes wish that I'd kept my maiden name when I got married, but that's really just because it would have annoyed my sexist father-in-law!

[Gwenhwyfar]

"@Gwenhwyfar it was the same for me. It was drilled into me to such an extend that though my friends mum's asked me to call them by the first name I felt deeply uncomfortable doing so and tried my best to avoid situations where I would need to address them."

I remember a good friend's dad replying when I was a teenager and said Mr X "that's my dad". So also decided to call him nothing as I wouldn't have wanted my own DF to find out I'd called him by his first name!

The children of my childhood friends call me Auntie Gwen now, which I really like and shows it hasn't completely gone away.

[lovepickledlimes]

@Gwenhwyfar it was the same for me. It was drilled into me to such an extend that though my friends mum's asked me to call them by the first name I felt deeply uncomfortable doing so and tried my best to avoid situations where I would need to address them.

I was 16 and called my mum's friend by her first name as that is the way she was introduced to me and got a 15 minute lecture by my grandmother. It is odd that out of my mums friends she is the only one where I was not instructed to call aunty etc. Everyone else it was always Mr/Mrs or Uncle/Aunty etc

[Belladonna12]

Obviously, we're less formal these days, but I think titles are still expected by the older generation.

My parents are in their 80s and they are happy to called by their first names. Overall , the people who prefer titles are very much in the minority now and it's not a good reason to keep them.

[Gwenhwyfar]

"At our childhood home, the couple next door had her mother living there. To this day I've no idea what her first name was. She was only ever Mrs Surname."

When I was little, I called our ndn Auntie X though she was no relation. My DF always called her Mrs X and she was about the same age as him.
Obviously, we're less formal these days, but I think titles are still expected by the older generation.

[Newkitchen123]

@Belladonna12

Meeting new neighbours, strangers in the pub, colleagues, yes, but not so much if you're a customer somewhere and it does also depend on people's age and the age difference between people. Calling an elderly person by their first name without being invited to do so is rude.

I think even that has changed. My grandmother's generation (she would now be about 110) would certainly think it rude to be called by first name but my parents generation (in 70s and 80s) generally wouldn't.

At our childhood home, the couple next door had her mother living there. To this day I've no idea what her first name was. She was only ever Mrs Surname.

[Belladonna12]

titles don't irritate me and I know by now to just get used to the over familiarity of being called by my first name by someone who is neither a friend, acquaintance or family. And I do think it is a sign of professional standards slipping.

Calling you by your first name has no impact on the "professional standard" you receive. It is a sign that times have changed. That happens.

[Belladonna12]

Meeting new neighbours, strangers in the pub, colleagues, yes, but not so much if you're a customer somewhere and it does also depend on people's age and the age difference between people. Calling an elderly person by their first name without being invited to do so is rude.

I think even that has changed. My grandmother's generation (she would now be about 110) would certainly think it rude to be called by first name but my parents generation (in 70s and 80s) generally wouldn't.

[lovepickledlimes]

@MarieIVanArkleStinks titles don't irritate me and I know by now to just get used to the over familiarity of being called by my first name by someone who is neither a friend, acquaintance or family. And I do think it is a sign of professional standards slipping.

What does have me seething is that the local taxi company refers to fiancé as 'boss' and me as 'love' I try to grin and bare it as I know they mean no offense but it does irritate me

Same with it prickling my mum's ear when staff of my grandmother refer to my uncle as 'the boss' and she is 'ms (her maiden name)'

[MarieIVanArkleStinks]

There's a new strand on this thread in which people find their own names offensive? Peculiar. Still, whatever floats your boat.

I'm frequently, in a professional context, referred to by surname only with no title. Doubtless some would find that 'offensive' too, but in my line of work it's standard practice and no one complains that it's an issue. Should my pharmacist call out my name in a similar format, I wouldn't be remotely bothered.

As for addressing someone by their first given name being 'rude', in the 1950s and 60s, perhaps. But disappointing though it may be for those who are offended by their own names, this is increasingly standard practice and that includes by the medical procession.

If over-familiarity is the issue with given names then 'love', 'darling', 'sweetheart' (oddly enough all reserved for women) obviously won't cut it, either. Nor will the only-slightly-preferable 'mate', 'duck', or 'oi!'

I've been called all of the above at some time or other, too. Sometimes they might be said in genuine friendliness. But most of the time, the three former have one purpose only and it's the same purpose as the silly differentiation in title.

To put women back in their box.

[CouldBeOuting]

It is actually unusual in the UK for families to call children by the same name as the parents. Regardless your DH's dad was obviously able to distinguish himself from DH despite having the same title.

At school we have several families where the eldest child has the same name as one of the parents. A few of my friends have given their children their name as well so it is a relatively common occurrence in this part of SE England.

DH and his Dad regularly opened each other’s post by mistake.....

[bluebluezoo]

My dc has just been filling out college application. All have compulsory “title” fields. I am neither Miss, Mrs, Ms or Mr, yet I am forced to pick one.

Why should I be known by a title I don’t want and isn’t even applicable to me?

[lovepickledlimes]

@Gwenhwyfar I fully agree with that and I have to say just like my mother it is one of my pet peeves. It irritates me so much when some stores or services just address me by my first name

[Gwenhwyfar]

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

You'd have just as many people offended by being called by their first name only.

I don't think this is the case at all. These days it's fairly standard.

Meeting new neighbours, strangers in the pub, colleagues, yes, but not so much if you're a customer somewhere and it does also depend on people's age and the age difference between people. Calling an elderly person by their first name without being invited to do so is rude.

[MarieIVanArkleStinks]

You'd have just as many people offended by being called by their first name only.

I don't think this is the case at all. These days it's fairly standard.

[Belladonna12]

It isn’t at all rare for children to have the same name as their parent (of the same sex). DH has the same first name as his dad and grandad. I had the same initial as my mother.

It is actually unusual in the UK for families to call children by the same name as the parents. Regardless your DH's dad was obviously able to distinguish himself from DH despite having the same title.

[CouldBeOuting]

Dunbarry as in the Irish company? (Shoes boots etc)

Interesting if it is, I work for an Irish company and it's choice of Ms or Ms.

Yes that’s the one. I’ve also got a package coming from another Irish company and they address it to Mrs Outing! The first time I ordered from them we had a discussion about the item as it was to be custom made for my husband so I’d totally “outed” myself as married. I was asked would I like the package addressed to Mrs, Miss or Ms.

[CouldBeOuting]

Do you not have different first names hmm? Amazing that it's impossible for women to manage without having different titles but presumably men manage even though they are all Mr.

It isn’t at all rare for children to have the same name as their parent (of the same sex). DH has the same first name as his dad and grandad. I had the same initial as my mother.

I did insist on different names and initials for our children but if something arrives for Ms Outing I genuinely have to guess which of us it’s for as DD prefers Miss (in her 20s) and I prefer Mrs. It is the same with DS and DH admittedly but if DD and I choose different titles then we should be allowed to use them regardless of what other people THINK we should do.

[Newkitchen123]

Man on the radio this aft won a big cash prize.
First thing the DJ said to him was are you married.
I thought whoaaa MN wouldn't like that

[Belladonna12]

@VinylDetective

The polite thing to do would be to ask people how they would like to be addressed rather than addressing everybody in a particular way whether they like it or not

But you’ve argued against that for days! Make your bloody mind up! 🙇🏼‍♀️

People don't ask how I would like to be addressed. They ask for my title and then say Mrs/Ms/Miss Belladonna whether I like it or not. I am not allowed to not give the title.

[Christmasfairy2020]

Tbh had a good chat about this topic today at work. Anyways men whom could be transsexual and prefer a female name are most likely to become victimised here (reference the female who prefers a male name on starbucks advert)

Anyhow I've asked my patients today (via telephone) their preferred title (to which they had no idea what a title was but we settled on first names for their Formal letters to their GP. See how it goes :)

[Belladonna12]

@VinylDetective

women are choosing to do something which undermines equality and takes away other womens choices and I see how they can describe themselves as feminists.

Do you want to read that back to yourself? You’ve consistently argued throughout this thread for taking away other women’s choices.

I said undermines equality AND takes away other women's choices.

[VinylDetective]

The polite thing to do would be to ask people how they would like to be addressed rather than addressing everybody in a particular way whether they like it or not

But you’ve argued against that for days! Make your bloody mind up! 🙇🏼‍♀️