Stop asking if I’m Mrs or Miss

[catspyjamas123]

I just hate it when companies ask if I’m Mrs or Miss - what business is it whether I’m married or not? I’ve politely put up with it for years but it makes me fume. They don’t ask men if they are married. Even worse, some companies assume I am a Mrs. I am NOT. I am very happily divorced and definitely a Ms. Are they being unreasonable? Vote yes if it’s a completely unnecessary intrusion into your home life. Vote no if it’s quite alright to all live in a 1950s nightmare!

You are not being asked whether you are married, you are being asked what you choose to be called.

Yes but only women's titles REVEAL that. If you say Ms. they assume you're married but don't want to reveal that in case you're discriminated against for possibly having children OR they think you're ashamed of not being married.

It's bollocks either way.

know 2 small business owners, both female, who have said to me that they won't hire women in the usual child bearing age bracket, because they can't afford the hassle and costs associated with maternity leave, maternity cover, etc, etc.

It’s well known and, despite having benefited from it in my 50s and early 60s, I’m appalled by it. However ageist it might be, whether or not those women are married has no bearing. It’s based on age, not marital status.

the problem is, the person asking you is unlikely to be the one who created the forms and it's likely the system will demand they put something in that case they should ask what my title is and I will tell them Ms. However if they ask whether it is Miss or Mrs, the correct answer is "neither". If their system only gives the option of Miss or Mrs they can feed back that the system needs updating.

You don’t have be married to have children. Around half of parents aren’t. This is like trying to debate with an eel, you just can’t stick to the point, can you?

Of course not but a married woman in her 20s or 30s will be considered more likely to have small children or be likely to become pregnant as someone who isn't. It is the perception that matters not the reality.

I cant write let's say johnson came to see me today. I was once told of by a patient for saying ms when she wanted to be called mrs. I had that lady that didnt want ms but mx. So yes I need to know. Also the ladies whose notes say mrs but have suffered abuse and want to be known as ms. I'll continue to ask as it is that ladies right to be addressed in the way she wants to be.

I'll continue to ask as it is that ladies right to be addressed in the way she wants to be

Do you ask men what they want to be addressed as? If not why not? Don’t they have that “right”?

I get that you need to know, and as long as you ask every single person (men and women) what their title is then I have no problem with it at all. It's "is that Miss or Mrs?" addressed to women only that is the problem.

@bluebluezoo ok so what would you suggest I do as an NHS worker ? Just call everyone Ms.

ok so what would you suggest I do as an NHS worker ? Just call everyone Ms

Or you could ask everyone, male or female, what their preferred title is?

I worked in the NHS for a long time. I never asked anyone if they were “miss or mrs”, i just asked what their title was.

I learned very quickly not to ask for christian names though!!

You don’t have to say “Johnson” came to see me. It would be Boris Johnson. Or Amy Johnson. People have first names. You could ask a patient how they would like to be addressed. Many prefer a first name these days. It’s not difficult.

For the people saying “I can’t do that because the computer says no”....we as a society are more than box tickers and the little things do count.

I am talking about when I'm writing the np assessment to the gp that people often use for pip assessments etc. First name is not appropriate. I address the patient as first and surname not title but the letter is title format so at the np assessment (currently via telephone) I do ask if it is ms mrs or miss so i have it right as computer is not always right!

I do ask if it is ms mrs or miss so i have it right as computer is not always right!

Again, what do you ask men? Or do you assume Mr?

But why don't you say "and your title?".

You could ask a patient how they would like to be addressed. Many prefer a first name these days.

I have never been called by anything other than my given name by any healthcare provider. Nor have I been asked whether this was my preferred form of address. As it happens, it is.

Cause it sounds rude. I've never had an issue with asking title. Maybe I'll stick with what system 1 says. But again people prefer different titles as to what the pc says.

fridgepants that's exactly the forms of names we use.
He's Firstname HisSurname, I'm Firstname MySurname HisSurname. No hyphens.
Generally I avoid using titles wherever possible as they have very little relevance for most things.

It does NOT sound rude ChristmasFairy You can say "An what title do you prefer?" What's rude about that?

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

You could ask a patient how they would like to be addressed. Many prefer a first name these days.

I have never been called by anything other than my given name by any healthcare provider. Nor have I been asked whether this was my preferred form of address. As it happens, it is.

Pharmacies always use title and last name when they call you for your prescription. Do you address your healthcare providers by their first name? Because I think that, unless you're a child, these things should be reciprocal.

@ExpensivelyDecorated

But why don't you say "and your title?".

Some people would find that confusing and give you their job title.

First name and surname in the case of pharmacies is so much more accurate. There could be three Mrs Smiths waiting but hopefully only one Annabelle Smith, Robin Smith and Zelda Smith.

There seem to be all these endless excuses given by people to not do the obvious thing and use Ms. It’s the equivalent of saying “oh, we couldn’t have women in Parliament because who will cook their children the tea?” People really did say that and it wasn’t that long ago.

"There could be three Mrs Smiths waiting but hopefully only one Annabelle Smith, Robin Smith and Zelda Smith."

They use the titles though. And you could easily have two Margaret Smiths or whatever.

Gwen I seriously doubt that and if they did, it's not hard to correct. "Ms?"

There seem to be all these endless excuses given by people to not do the obvious thing and use Ms. It’s the equivalent of saying “oh, we couldn’t have women in Parliament because who will cook their children the tea?

It’s nothing of the sort. Did that ridiculous analogy pass through your brain before you typed it?

Vinyl It is comparable. Mrs is a hangback from the days when women were chattel and being married gave one a certain power...unmarried women were pitied and some people still pity them.

Mrs. means nothing these days.

I agree with you OP. Keep trying on this post ... so many spectacularly missing the point 😕