AIBU - to ask my child that they don’t refer to their dad’s girlfriend’s child as their sibling

[Plumsforjam]

Today I overheard my child say she had two brothers. As far as I’m concerned she has one - my biological child, the boy (now man) she’s known all her life and lived with until recently when he moved out to live independently. She is now saying she’s got two - the other being her dad’s girlfriend’s child. Her dad has been in a relationship for 9 months. AIBU in telling her it is wrong to say she has two brothers? I’m a step child myself BTW, my dad isn’t my biological dad and my brother and sister are my ‘half’ siblings but I would never refer to them as such. But 9 months is too soon in my opinion to be forming step families.

How old is she?

13

How old is she?

Reserving judgement until i hear how old your child is.

Erm I think you might be being unreasonable
However I do understand how you feel
I'd probably feel the same in your shoes as well
I hope it gets easier for you

How old is she? If shes a teen then it's her choice to make really. If she is under 5 then she probably doesnt really understand what a brother is. The in between ages are a bit more tricky, but I would approach it with kindness not "tell her she is wrong".

I think you need to lighten up over this. It doesn’t really matter.

X post.
I think at that age it's a novelty. I wouldn't make a big deal of it, personally.

YABU at that age she will probably refer to her friends as siblings too. It's not hurting anyone (unless you're upset by it somehow?)

I think at 13 it’s her choice how she refers to them

YABU why do you even care? I think it’s really cruel and petty of you to say anything to her. It’s nice that she says it.

I think at 13 I'd be having a discussion about it.

Your opinion of when its too soon are irrelevant.

She is 13, she feels comfortable and happy, and that's all that matters here.

It’s her choice. There’s no need to make a big thing of this.

@Sirzy

I think at 13 it’s her choice how she refers to them

IF it was her choice?!

I think it’s up to her at this age to define how she views her relationship with him. I don’t think she should have to wait for you to validate it. Maybe calling him her brother is a way of reassuring herself that she is still part of her dads potential new family? I wouldn’t make it an issue.

I grit my teeth when ds(14) refers to his dad's gf's children as his stepsisters. I don't really consider them that as his dad isn't married to their mum, and they had also moved out before they moved in together. However, nothing good will come of telling him he's wrong. They're at an age where they need to figure the whole family relationships thing out for themselves.

Yabu

I also come from a stepfamily and have been best friends with my step sister since we met. I think it’s lovely that she feels comfortable to describe her step brother as that. I personally don’t differentiate because I see my step family as just the same as any family relation.
It would be a lot worse for her if they did not get on.

Does it matter? If that's what she wants to call them then that's what she wants to call them.

Imo, you'd only be telling it was wrong to satisfy your own discomfort about it. If your daughter is happy, leave it alone.

I think that's it is not down to you to decide this.

Yeah I think at 13 just grin and bear it and be there to pick up the pieces of needed

Sounds like a typical (slightly dramatic) 13yo but YANBU. He's not her brother after 9 months. But you might get push back if you point this out - tread carefully and think about how to word it.

I have to say, as both a single mum and a teacher, why on earth people simply have to introduce their children to a new partner and their kids so very soon - and in many cases, move in together - baffles me. People jumping head first into blended families without a second thought for how the children might be affected is selfish AF. I've seen the damage this can do to a child's self esteem, and they won't say a thing because they have been made to feel it's not their place. but hey as long as dad and new GF are happy (or vice versa) then screw the kids

She's 13. You don't need to comment. Either she's wants to call him her sibling which is quite sweet or she doesn't and you make her feel even worse about it. Just Ignore.

Why do I care? Because I have experience of being a step child and how it made me feel as a child. Because I don’t want her to get hurt if the relationship fails and she never sees someone she considers to be family again. Because I think her father should be making her a priority in his life rather than prioritising a new relationship and blending a new family when it’s too soon.