Or is she mum shaming me.....?

[Inmyownwords10]

I’ve always gotten on well with my sister in law (Hubbys brothers wife)
This year we both became first time mums.
Our children are 6 weeks apart (my son is 9 months old)

My sister in law recently seems to be extremely critical of everything I’m doing and it’s starting to grate on me.

We’re both currently weaning our babies and she’s always telling me how her daughter only eats fresh organic food and nothing processed.

Now I completely respect this by she’s making comments about the fact that I have given my son bread.
I’m really careful with salt and sugar but she insisted on telling me how bad it is for him and that I should make my own.

I feel like my son has a good diet, lots of fruit and veg, very little salt and sugar but whenever I tell her what he’s eaten, she tells me an alternative that I should’ve given to him.

For instance I told her we’d had some hummus with veg sticks and she Insisted I should’ve made my own as shop bought hummus isn’t good for him.

We did a family FaceTime over the weekend and we got talking about nurseries, I told her the one we’ve picked for my son and she shot it down saying they’d been to look around and they had concerns.

I asked her what they were and she said “oh it doesn’t matter, you’ve already decided there now but I’m surprised”

The thing is the nursery we’ve picked had an outstanding offsted report, the one they’ve picked is rated good.
I haven’t thought to say anything about this as I completely respect we’re all different and all look for different things.

She’s really making me start to doubt my choices now and I’m starting to feel like a rubbish mum.

My husband has told me to ignore her and not take any notice but she messages me several times a day and prior to the babies we always got along well.

I can’t help but feel she is purposely trying to make me feel bad.

Oh competitive parenting at it's very best.

Just 'nod and smile' when she starts.

Your SIL seriously needs to relax, come two or three kids down the line she'll be wondering what all the fuss is about.

How annoying Op. She does sound like a real pain. Does she have a really placid baby that she has time to make bread etc? When first weaning my oldest DD I did intend to cook and blend fruit and vegetables for her. I tried to do a batch once, but she was so demanding and wanted me all the time it was just stressful for both of us. I ended up buying the pre blended stuff. I also think even if I did have a placid baby I would prefer to spend time playing and engaging with them rather than spending ages in the kitchen.

I have to agree with others on the Ofsted rating though. My Dd's went to a supposedly outstanding nursery. The under 2's room was fantastic, the 2-3's mediocre and the preschool awful. They taught oldest DD nothing in preschool, she started being able to write her own name and she finished being able to write her own name. I spent half an hour a day doing phonics with her through the first lockdown and picked it up so quickly she started school in September being able to read and write. This just proves to me they really weren't doing anything. The lady that was head of the preschool section was also very strict and over harsh to such young children. I can only assume they kept Ofsted so busy in the under 2's room they didn't make it to the others 🙂. I would have taken Dd's out but oldest was settled with some good friends and youngest in the baby room. We moved house to a different area after the first lockdown when my youngest turned 2 so she never made it to the middle room. She is now at the preschool attached to oldest Dd's school and can already tell they are doing more teaching with her (obviously very play orientated) at the age of 2 and a half than oldest was getting at 4.

She sounds AWFUL! Avoid her, she will chill out eventually... be prepared fir some OTT nonsense in the meantime and carry on with the fabulous job you are doing.

Tell her to eff off...

Have a read of the Karpman triangle - it’s about victims and persecutors and breaking the cycle. Poor you, I feel for you. You’ll have her in your life a very long time but hopefully this is just a phase of hers. The first year is frankly a bonkers time and almost has to be written off because it’s all so odd. Keep sensible and try to ignore what she says (but you’re completely entitled to blow up if she’s just ridiculous).

I found a post-it I’d written of my first’s day by 15 minute slots and I just laugh now. She was on Sainsbury’s (Finest!) crisps by the time she was 3, and not much else. She’s fine!

Taste the Difference!!

Ignore her. Wait till you get to which child walks first, talks first, reads first etc Had the tooth first yet?? Cut her off now or it will never stop. All children develop at their own pace and nothing to do with being cleverer or more intelligent.

And so starts one of the saddest parts of your journey as a parent. Please don’t take what she says to heart, you’ll meet more like her over the years. They will always imply they are better parents, their kids are kinder, they’re geniuses, they will always brag and find ways to diminish yours child’s achievements. Secondary school is easier as you don’t meet other parents so much and hopefully you sacked off the ones that go make you feel like shit by then. If I had a pound for the number of times parents implied their child was a genius and said child is now very average I’d be a millionaire. Trust yourself, you really have got this. You’re doing great, enjoy your child and aid her. Just smile and ignore what she says, never justify yourself and never show her you give a shit. You know what kind of parent you want to be ignore the rest.

She probably has her own insecurities. A mum at the toddler group I went to was always immaculate, child immaculate and 'so advanced' in every conceiveable way, house amazing a minimalistic etc, etc.Then she asked if I could look after her daughter so she could go to her therapy. None the less, I'd tell your SIL to jog on back to her organic, from scratch baking, and crack open a jar of that Hipp Organic Carbonara, once you've had a nice afternoon nap with your baby

Totally missing the point here but when I hear things like this it always makes me smile. I was a bit ott with my pfb, I even made my own baked beans and stock to avoid the salt! Second one came along and that all went out the window, third one came along and she ate anything and everything, including one day, a woodlouse she found. Funny thing is, out of all my 3, the oldest is the one that is ill more often!

Seriously mute her or divert her calls/texts and hide her posts on social media. People like that are emotional vampires, they feed off your energy. Don't give her any oxygen, maintain a dignified distance and silence.

As a first time mum who fed my firstborn organic squirrels tears and the finest fruit known to mankind whilst never allowing the television to taint his precious ears I would like to assure you that this is born out of anxiety and will end at some point maybe 2nd or third child when she will no longer give a monkies that her child is watching a 15 scary movie with a fruit shoot and a pack of Wotsits!

She sounds like a bitch. Sorry OP. She’s messing up your experience of being a first time mum. Time for new friends. Don’t doubt yourself! You’re doing great x

@Oreservoir

Tell her you can’t message, you’re busy spinning organic cotton to make baby clothes!

🤣🤣🤣🤣😂

I mean, shop bought humous does have large quantities of salt (0.5g per quarter of a pot), so I’d avoid giving it to babies too if there were alternatives. And some people simply aren’t aware of that.

On everything else YANBU

Has she nothing better to do than contact you several times a day and quizing you about what you feeding your child and blowing her own trumpet being mother of the year?
When she asks what you feeding your child tell her some of the comments written here - the McDonald's one is brilliant.
At this stage I ask her is she looking forward to going back to work?
If she still carrying a bit of baby weight tell her the have nice big work clothes in X shop. If she is an older mother make a comment that she would not want to wait to long before trying to get pregnant again.
Or why don't you ask her how is your sex life now and let her know that yours is better than ever.
My feeling is that she is pouring everything into the baby, ignoring her husband/partner and has nothing in her life but baby, baby. At least if she putting her baby into a nursery it looks like she is going back to work. She won't have to time as much time to contact you, bake her bread or rub it in your face about how wonderful she is.

It sounds as if she is rapidly shaping up into a "helicopter" parent. And if that is true, her child will suffer for it later on, while yours, with a more relaxed approach, will thrive.

To quote my much-lamented Gran (BOY do I miss her!), " 'To each 'un, his 'un,' said the old lady as she kissed the cow." Tell her to go kiss her own cow, and to leave yours alone.

You are doing nothing wrong at all! do not buy into her dramas, if she wants to be anally retentive that does not have to reflect on you, she can only make you feel bad if you choose too.

If this was me I would text her back things I am doing with my baby

'X is going go cart racing today, should x wear a helmet?'

'should we put x on the bonnet and drive off as due to covid we can't take him on a rollercoaster and they may miss out'

that type of thing

Ditch her. Tell her to fuck off or blank her, just stop telling her what you are feeding your baby!!! Say I refuse to discuss with you as you are obviously getting really stressed over the whole food issue and its not good for either of us.... So I think its better we change the subject. Or do the same to her on another topic, potty training for instance. Fish fingers and pasta tune mayo, or pesto were my go to meals as rather be spending time on fun stuff when they were small. Have to admit though to occasionally making my own fish fingers!
And this
bananamonkey
I made my own hummus recently, it tasted like crap.

SNAP.

Lucidas Tue
I mean, shop bought humous does have large quantities of salt (0.5g per quarter of a pot), so I’d avoid giving it to babies too if there were alternatives. And some people simply aren’t aware of that.

I didn't add salt or sugar to my cooking when mine were small, however does it really matter how much in a pot or 1/4 pot as a small kid is not going to be eating that much and once in a while doesn't hurt. REad the post about the horrible things posters & their kids, kin have eaten when small, like worms, slugs etc!!! Send it to your SIL

She would have a lot to say about me so😂 my 9 month old had two slices of white bread toasted this morning😂😂😂 we all do our best and I don’t see the harm in shop bought food at all, we use a mixture! I make plenty fresh but shock horror sometimes we use jarred baby food. And don’t doubt yourself, she is just being a pain! I agree, nip this in the bud and point it out to her. You don’t need her suggestions for improvement and I’m sure there is plenty you could say back but don’t as you don’t want her to feel crappy!

I don't know who's looking after her baby if she's got time to make bread and hoummos. I didn't even have enough time to eat, let alone make bread. She'll have a breakdown soon at this rate as she is being neurotic.

@Aglet

I don't know who's looking after her baby if she's got time to make bread and hoummos. I didn't even have enough time to eat, let alone make bread. She'll have a breakdown soon at this rate as she is being neurotic.

YES THIS! I had two babies in 13 months. My original plan was to change the world for the better. After the second one came along, I thought I was winning when I could shave both legs on the same day without running out of hot water!

Get some chicken mcnuggets and a large fizzy drink in the foreground of your next FaceTime that'll learn her!.

I do wind up MIL with a large wine glass of Ribena! 😀