Or is she mum shaming me.....?

[Inmyownwords10]

I’ve always gotten on well with my sister in law (Hubbys brothers wife)
This year we both became first time mums.
Our children are 6 weeks apart (my son is 9 months old)

My sister in law recently seems to be extremely critical of everything I’m doing and it’s starting to grate on me.

We’re both currently weaning our babies and she’s always telling me how her daughter only eats fresh organic food and nothing processed.

Now I completely respect this by she’s making comments about the fact that I have given my son bread.
I’m really careful with salt and sugar but she insisted on telling me how bad it is for him and that I should make my own.

I feel like my son has a good diet, lots of fruit and veg, very little salt and sugar but whenever I tell her what he’s eaten, she tells me an alternative that I should’ve given to him.

For instance I told her we’d had some hummus with veg sticks and she Insisted I should’ve made my own as shop bought hummus isn’t good for him.

We did a family FaceTime over the weekend and we got talking about nurseries, I told her the one we’ve picked for my son and she shot it down saying they’d been to look around and they had concerns.

I asked her what they were and she said “oh it doesn’t matter, you’ve already decided there now but I’m surprised”

The thing is the nursery we’ve picked had an outstanding offsted report, the one they’ve picked is rated good.
I haven’t thought to say anything about this as I completely respect we’re all different and all look for different things.

She’s really making me start to doubt my choices now and I’m starting to feel like a rubbish mum.

My husband has told me to ignore her and not take any notice but she messages me several times a day and prior to the babies we always got along well.

I can’t help but feel she is purposely trying to make me feel bad.

Please send her a message saying he's just had his first happy meal

@Toilenstripes

“I’m not sure why you think you’re right since you’re also a first time mum!”

Bit harsh when you don't actually know this person!

I'm not sure why people are feeling the need to mock the SIL.
Making houmous takes about 1 minute: pour chickpeas into a blender, dollop out your couple of other ingredients, add your juice then press the button. Hardly neglecting the needs of her child. Same for bread making, it consists largely of waiting around and killing time. It's what I used to do when bored. The baby would be with me in the kitchen and I'd chat away.
The issue is the self-righteous, preachy, superior attitude dished out to OP, not the things she's actually doing.

my own mum and sister did this to me, i had my DS2 and around 6 weeks later she had her twins boys, they were her 3rd and 4th so you would think she would know better. I breast fed and she didnt, and she said i was doing it for myself rather than the baby, and as i fed him right up to when i went back to work at around 8 months, she just to joke with my mum that i will probably still doing it when he is at highschool.
They also couldnt get their heads around cluster feeding and said i was over feeding him, made comments all the time about his size, his sleeping etc i let them get into my head, but in the end i stopped meeting up with them and distanced myself, and felt so much better.
i wouldnt mind but i FF my first baby, so i wasnt judging her for not breast feeding, even now she is always trying to compare them, my DS is quite an advanced talker and iv been told by them he presents himself as alot older than he is, so i get the comments its because he has been to nursery and hers havent, i dont actually give a shit, they all developed differently, her boys do things that mine doesnt, but i dont actually care haha im too busy keeping the wild child alive, looking after my older one and work full time.

@bananamonkey 🤣

I've got 3 DC - 11, 6 and 1 - all boys and I learned a long time ago to notnlet myself be mum-shamed.
My DM was very critical of my choice to breastfeed. Unfortunately with our first i gave in to pressure and insecurity and started to formula feed him. When he was around 2 months I suddenly realised that I wanted to breastfeed him. And I was jolly well going to do it! And I did!
With my second; someone told me giving a baby a dummy was lazy parenting.

Every parent is different! Every family is different. There is no right or wrong when it comes to raising a child as best you can.
Just smile and nod when your SIL gets bitchy. She will eventually take the hint that her comments are falling on deaf ears.
Good luck.

It sounds to me as if you are enjoying motherhood, and she's perhaps finding it hard and trying to be the perfect Mum (by the way there's no such thing as a perfect Mum).

I suspect that she's looking for all applause and to be told she's an amazing mum. Perhaps she had a difficult childhood herself, perhaps she has people around her who are being judgemental? Could you tell her that she's being unkind and denting your confidence? I suspect she's unaware of how hurtful her so useful information is. Tell her, and tell her that you are different mums, with different ways.

The reality will be totally different to what she's telling you.

She'll have served up nuggets and chips guaranteed 😂

There are two choices:
Mock her with passive aggressive comments - ie. Honestly SIL, you are bonkers. You sound like a fussy Instamum. Our weaning plan is fine. Do you think you should get some advice, you seem very anxious?

Tell her straight that you like her and enjoy her company but her comments are unkind and you don't want her judgements.