Or is she mum shaming me.....?

[Inmyownwords10]

I’ve always gotten on well with my sister in law (Hubbys brothers wife)
This year we both became first time mums.
Our children are 6 weeks apart (my son is 9 months old)

My sister in law recently seems to be extremely critical of everything I’m doing and it’s starting to grate on me.

We’re both currently weaning our babies and she’s always telling me how her daughter only eats fresh organic food and nothing processed.

Now I completely respect this by she’s making comments about the fact that I have given my son bread.
I’m really careful with salt and sugar but she insisted on telling me how bad it is for him and that I should make my own.

I feel like my son has a good diet, lots of fruit and veg, very little salt and sugar but whenever I tell her what he’s eaten, she tells me an alternative that I should’ve given to him.

For instance I told her we’d had some hummus with veg sticks and she Insisted I should’ve made my own as shop bought hummus isn’t good for him.

We did a family FaceTime over the weekend and we got talking about nurseries, I told her the one we’ve picked for my son and she shot it down saying they’d been to look around and they had concerns.

I asked her what they were and she said “oh it doesn’t matter, you’ve already decided there now but I’m surprised”

The thing is the nursery we’ve picked had an outstanding offsted report, the one they’ve picked is rated good.
I haven’t thought to say anything about this as I completely respect we’re all different and all look for different things.

She’s really making me start to doubt my choices now and I’m starting to feel like a rubbish mum.

My husband has told me to ignore her and not take any notice but she messages me several times a day and prior to the babies we always got along well.

I can’t help but feel she is purposely trying to make me feel bad.

Tell her you're dipping his dummy in brandy because it helps him sleep so much better.

Shut that down by saying "OK, you're being obnoxious again, don't speak to me like that, take your nonsense out on your husband"... Then leave.

Cut down on contact until she learns some manners. Shut her off every time she says something critical of you and don't allow any contact for at least a month. She will find her manners very quickly.

People will treat you like dirt if you allow them to. She can't treat you like this if you refuse to tolerate her.

I'd duck out of talking to someone who constantly tried to make me feel bad. Life is too short for that shit

So start giving some of it back to her! Tell her you looked at the nursery they chose as well, but you preferred the one you chose.

If she starts going on about making x, y, z, just say something like "I prefer doing a, b, c (like going to the park, or playing interactive games) with my time instead of spending all my time in the kitchen".

No need to aggressive about it, but make it clear you have considered her way of doing it, and have CHOSEN to do it another way, as that's what you prefer.

I can’t help but feel she is purposely trying to make me feel bad.

Did she want a boy?

Have a bit of fun with this and start telling your SIL that you've just fed your DS custard creams/doritos/mars bar/KFC etc next time she asks just to see her squirm.

Or just tell her to fuck off. She sounds like hard work and you don't need this shit.

My children were brought up on organic home made food. All of them eat absolute shit now!

Start making shit up! Have fun! Your LO has been signed for Manchester United at 9 months? Wow! He’s making his own hummus? Amazing! Have fun. She will unravel soon.

Fwiw, I tried so hard to play the part of super mum because I didn’t want anyone to know how much I was struggling. I had PND and thought I was a failure so covered it up by trying to be the best at everything.

Stop hanging around with her for your own sanity. Or just end every conversation with "yes I do xyz, I'm a terrible person" ,

The whole nursery thing I reckon she wanted the nursery you have chosen.

Tell her to pipe down and shove a organic carrot up her arse and waddle off.

People mum shame to make themselves feel better. To make themselves feel superior.

Oh that's nice she makes her own bread. Please do tell her to not to forget to tie her cape and straighten her crown.

Bet she feels her trolley with the whole Organix baby range.

I hope I don't sound like a hummus snob but I have to agree about the chickpea sludge thing- either make it properly or just buy some. Don't feed your poor baby plain chickpea sludge

My mother used to always say that it was the "lovey dovey" couples who were on the verge of divorce because they were trying to convince other people and maybe themselves. I've found this to be frequently true. I'd suspect your SIL's baby might be a bit of a handful and perhaps doesn't sleep through or your SIL's got some issues.

You know this but when people feel unhappy, upset or just not great, they often try and make others feel the same, consciously or otherwise. I think everyone feels like this at times and has been on the recieving end too. Given that you used to get on well and if you want to stay friends with her, as annoying and upsetting as she is being, you could ask her how she is. You know how she'll react but you could say she usually looks so happy, relaxed, etc but she looks a bit anxious (or whatever) to try and get her to talk. Once she feels better, she should stop being mean. Or, distance yourself for a bit and hope she improves.

Tell her to stop talking rubbish, and that you know how to feed, and look after your baby. If you don't say anything to her, she will always keep on giving you her Expert advice.

Isn't it weird how people suddenly become experts overnight ? If you think your sister in law is bad now, wait until you get into the playground. You will be judged for what you /your child wears/ your pushchair/ your hair/ where you live/what your husband does for a living and god help you if you have a dog :)

@Anordinarymum

Isn't it weird how people suddenly become experts overnight ? If you think your sister in law is bad now, wait until you get into the playground. You will be judged for what you /your child wears/ your pushchair/ your hair/ where you live/what your husband does for a living and god help you if you have a dog :)

You need to have a dog where I am. Although only once your child starts school.

Ha! She’s in competition...she doesn’t realise it REALLY isn’t required!! 7months between my son & nephew(oldest of the 2), SIL was very “cook from scratch” etc and we didn’t cook everything, my son walked before hers but I couldn’t have given a hoot in regards to anything that was happening. They’ve went to school at the same time (albeit nephew should’ve went in the yr above) and they couldn’t be more different if you tried. As for nurseries, ultimately they’ll all do similar in regards to learning etc, ofstead good or bad. Please take it with a pinch of salt, I know how hard it is but she really is just finding her feet and it sounds to me like you have your head screwed on and are doing what you think is right by your baby! If it’s something that you feel you need to speak to her about, something like “thanks for always criticising, I’d never do that to or about you, we’re all finding our feet so please refrain from always saying something”

Having a baby changes friendships very very quickly! Suddenly all your friends compare and seem competitive... Its like an unspoken new world I didn't even know existed. She will be this way forever. Its easy now, both babies are probably the same, you're making similar choices, but within the next when children learn different you'll soon see the comments of comparing in speech, what they can do and by the time you reach school level it will be who can read and who's on a higher level etc. Smile... And get on with what you're doing. Sounds like you're doing just fine. I ended up cutting out lots of people because of this, but since this is your sister in law, is suggest just doing what you want and ignore her.

Just tell her. You respect her choices and, she needs to back off and respect yours, not tell you whats what! Tell her you don't appreciate it if she wants to have a relationship with you, back the heck off.

So many great comments already but I’d just like to add one thought. The most important thing you can give any child is your time and attention. She isn’t doing nearly as much of that as you are because she is spending her time baking bread and home making hummus! You child will benefit far more from your time and attention than from home made bread and this will soon start to show when they start to move and talk! Don’t worry 🙂

Just ignore her comments. Smile and nod. I had so much of that. Mums that want to compete but I refused to get into the game. Be confident on your choices and ignore criticism. Unfortunately being criticised is part of being a mum. I've had it from every front. Even strangers on the street would have an opnion!

Hate this kind of thing it’s not necessary have put up with it from my sisters for years . Finally called one of them out on it and she went ape . Honestly it’s her problem tell her to bit herself 😳

Bite

Regardless of her reasoning she is making you feel like shit and you're not standing up for yourself.

From now on just talk to her a bit less and any time she raises the topic of children just change the subject. If she is persistent and questions your change of attitude just tell her that her constant one upmanship is just too much.

Personally I just wouldn't answer the phone to her and if she asks why tell her it's because you're too busy making home made bread and hummous.

She sounds like a nightmare. And I just don’t get being so precious about what children eat - they’re going to eat shop bought hummus for the rest of their lives so why be so obsessive about it just because they are small humans? Fair enough don’t feed them exclusively on processed food but in the real world people buy things from shops and that’s fine! She’s nuts.

You lost me at "homemade bread". Silly cow! Take no notice of her.