To not give him a son

[headlingfortrouble]

Name changed for this.
I have 2 beautiful daughters with my husband and he would desperately like to have a son.

I know he really wanted a boy last time and was disappointed when we had another girl although to be honest although I didn't mind as long as we had a healthy child I was glad we had 2 girls close in age as they are great together.

Anyway dh keeps saying he wants a son and we should try one more time but I know he only wants a son and although he says he will love another girl regardless I have said NO based on him only wanting another child because it's one more shot at it being a boy.
He says I'm being unfair and denying him the chance of a son if I don't agree to trying one more time who is being unreasonable here?

@headlingfortrouble
Two kids if you feel they are 'Perfect for you' says it all.

It will fall on you to do any child rearing, most likely, and wrangling three children is a lot harder than two.

Stick to your daughters. If he has a third girl he will be probably pestering for a fourth ?

Growing up, I knew a huge family who are all alive because their mother wanted a girl. None of them were really what their mother wanted and all were damaged in different ways by that. Some are over achievers, some are addicted to various substances. Lots of chaotic relationships in their personal histories.

Don't risk this for your possible third girl.

If you don't want to do pregnancy a third time and/or you don't want a 3rd child then clearly no is the answer.
But if you'd be happy to do this and the only thing putting you off is your concern about dp's desire for a boy then I'd do it- then at least you can say you gave it a go. I come from a similar position to your dp. I gave it a go. It didn't work out. But I'm still very happy with what I got(!) and I don't have any desire to give it another go.

If you don't want another baby, don't have one. The chances are, if you did, you'd have another daughter. I know people who've had three girls and who have had three boys. That's how it goes. Your husband is being ridiculous and should be glad to have two lovely children.

It does make one wonder if people could select gender, if families would be smaller? ..EG, implanting only X or Y sperm

Or would there be a huge leaning to one gender over another?

@LadyMonicaBaddingham of my 3 DCs, my DD is the only one to shun absolutely anything pink .

People are idiots.

What a pathetic man, how can you bear to have him ejaculating into you? You respect and adore him? He needs therapy as to why, specifically, he is obsessed with genitals, he’s too stupid to bother articulating himself to his broodmare, so he needs to work on that, and not damage the people he has already bred, with his presumably boring, misogynistic fantasies. Bet it’s ‘dunno, my legacy (ejaculating is not a legacy though..), my name, teach it to play football’ 🥱

YANBU. He’s being an arsehole.

You're more likely to have another girl, you know that, right? I'm not sure what witchcraft or science is behind it, but it's a common pattern.

I watch itsjudyslife on YouTube and it's utterly tragic how they're desperate for a boy. They had a massive gender reveal party for their fourth daughter and you can see the ugly, sullen look on dad's face when the pink confetti comes out. That poor girl will grow up and see that one day and know that she was just a roadblock in her parents' journey for a boy.

Anyway, don't do it unless you want a third baby.

The majority of people I know who had 3 kids had 3 of the same sex.
I wouldn't even want to be with a guy who felt like this never mind have another child with them.

ask him if he can guarantee the winning sperm will be male - only then would you even consider it.
After all - it's not like the egg gets to decide...........

Realistically - are YOU prepared and wanting to go through all that again with another baby - irrespective of its sex?

You've already got two young ones, jobs/economy/services are going to pot........and what about YOUR life?
when do you get to prioritise the parts of YOUR life that have taken a back seat whilst YOU are essentially the main caregiver and go-to parent?

Are YOU 'allowed' to have a life or identity other than that of mother/baby making machine/housekeeper?

All these people questioning why he wants a son, would they say the same if you wanted a girl?!?

Maybe he’s been dreaming of having a son for years, men want to do “boy” things with a son, whether it’s because their dads did it with them, or their dads didn’t... it’s no different to women fantasising about going bridal shopping with their daughters.

Before anyone starts bashing me. I’m not pro-stereotypes, it’s just a fact some people feel they can relate to a child of a certain gender. My friends DP was terrified of having a girl, he grew up in a very manly home with brothers, even all his cousins were boys, he confided once that he would not have a clue what to do with a girl. He also wanted a son to pass his Dads name down to. It’s no different to me wanting my first Dc to be a girl and naming her after my Nan. I would have probably been upset if she was a boy, that dosnt mean I wouldn’t have loved a baby boy, but I would have wanted to try again for a girl as I’d always dreamed of having a daughter. I was very lucky I had 3!

You do both know that Men determine the sex of a baby depending on whether their sperm is carrying an X or Y chromosome don't you. So there is every chance you have a 50/50 chance of having another girl.

Show him the It's Judy's Life channel on YouTube. The husband blatantly wants a son, he's honest about that. They have four daughters so far...

What does he think will be so amazing about having a boy? I mean I only have boys and they are fantastic and we both love them to bits, but it’s because they’re ours and not because they are boys. We’d feel the same if they were girls or one of each I am sure! People are not more or less special because of the presence or lack of a penis.

My DH said to me if he could guarantee a third was a boy he'd go for it. I countered with I'd only go for a third if I could guarantee it was a girl. Tbf we were just being flippant, and had already decided our two lovely, boisterous, noisy, energetic DDs would remain a duo.

It can be difficult to adjust to having a different sex to what you had thought.
I hope your DH adjusts in time.

Personally, I could only imagine having boys because my only experience was growing up with an older brother and I lacked imagination! But DD1 was a joy and the final adjustment took all of seconds once DC2 was born. She was the spitting image of a tiny screaming version of my wonderful mum .

A, you aren't a vessel

B, if its another girl whose to say he won't divorce you abandon them and try and fine someone who will give him a boy

C, friend of mine had 8 boys in her quest for a girl five with one man she then divorced him upped sticks with her boys and got with another man had three more boys she now has a granddaughter she dotes on

Cross-post with Sadhoot. I don't think Judy is desperate for a boy. she's just desperate to please Benji.

If he's that determined, he won't let it go after the third daughter.

If my dh was disappointed in the amount of work/energy/commitment it takes.to carry a child and give birth, I think I'd ltb.

@BeyondsConstantBangingHeadache

Re the double standards, at least when a woman wants to try for the opposite sex to existing children, they're the ones doing the actual carrying/birthing/breastfeeding/etc. And if you're incredibly unlucky like me, risking disability to do it.

Not quite the same as a man who wants a boy, is it.

Yes

Have you asked him how he'd feel if you had a son and he turned out to hate football, cars, or whatever testerone-y shit your husband is into, and instead liked fashion, dolls, and art?

I'd be having a long chat to get to the root of what he actually wants. And then explain why his "pink brain and blue brain" ideas are going to affect the children he actually has, and that he needs to buck up his ideas before he can damage them.

Sorry @BeyondsConstantBangingHeadache I posted that wrong!! I meant to say I agree with you.

I know people with 5 boys and then a girl. Maybe they always desperately wanted 6 kids irrespective of sex but more likely “they kept going til they got their girl”.

Daisy Ridley's father is landed gentry (or of landed gentry, don't really know how it works) and left his first wife because she had two girls ad wouldn't try again for a boy. Then he married his second wife and had - three more girls!

I know of someone in my home town with 7 girls.

[quote borntohula]@Pebbledashery it's the whole 'giving him a son' thing. It's his own sperm that determines the sex of their babies![/quote]
Yes but ex-H used to say that it’s always up to the women “I gave you six million. You pick the one you want!”