To not give him a son

[headlingfortrouble]

Name changed for this.
I have 2 beautiful daughters with my husband and he would desperately like to have a son.

I know he really wanted a boy last time and was disappointed when we had another girl although to be honest although I didn't mind as long as we had a healthy child I was glad we had 2 girls close in age as they are great together.

Anyway dh keeps saying he wants a son and we should try one more time but I know he only wants a son and although he says he will love another girl regardless I have said NO based on him only wanting another child because it's one more shot at it being a boy.
He says I'm being unfair and denying him the chance of a son if I don't agree to trying one more time who is being unreasonable here?

If it was me, as the mother of 2 girls, I'd open the door and tell him to go and try with someone else. It's an insult to your girls - and your potential third girl - that they aren't enough for him.

@AnneLovesGilbert

I can’t believe people have sympathy for him. Ridiculous.

Really? Given the multitude of threads/posts there've been from MNers who desperately want a girl?

I'm not for a moment saying the OP has to comply, but it's hardly unusual for a parent to long for a one sex or another.

@TheRuleofStix

Haha! I love some of these responses - turn this on it’s head and it’s a woman desperate for a girl and it’s all “oh yes gender disappointment is such a real thing and so devastating”. Makes my blood boil .

Anyway, derailing, it’s something you have to decide together but ultimately it’s your choice. He needs to understand the chances of a DS are not great.

I've been on Mumsnet for about 15 years (under loads of different names) and I've never seen that response at all. Women yearning for a daughter are usually told to have a word with themselves. I know when I was a newbie here I had one daughter and wanted another and the response was what led to my very first name change...

Honestly go with what you want. If you want a 3rd child then go for it - don’t make the decision about him and his desires. If you want another child then go for it

I have two boys. I never really wanted a daughter, but no-one believes me; apparently I must be soooo disappointed not to have 'a pink one'

@rorosemary

The worst thing that can happen is that he actually gets a son. He'll never treat his children the same if he has such a strong preferance.

Rubbish. Would you say that about a mother who hoped for a daughter after having two sons?

My MiL wanted a boy so she had 5 kids - 4 daughters who she said "i didn't want any of you, i just wanted DS"

How do you know your DH won't be like that ol' bag?

What does he think he can do with a son that he can't do with daughters? (apart from possibly peeing up a wall contests?)

YaNBU

I know of 2 women who are/were absolutely desperate for girls. The first one had 5 boys, and the second has just given birth to her 7th.

@headlingfortrouble

He says he doesn't know why it means so much to him, just that he really wants a son.

he cant even be arsed to introspect and tell you what his underlying motivation is, cant even expend the mental effort to construct a good argument...but he wants you to go through pregnancy and birth etc just to satisfy his mysterious whims fu(k that sh1t

Please don’t have another child with him. He really doesn’t sound fit to father the children he has.

When I told my Mum I was expecting my third child she asked why since we already had a girl and a boy. Gender was never an issue for us and we loved all of our 4 children equally. A local Mum had 6DD before she had a DS because she wouldnt give up until she birthed the son her partner wanted. I have never understood the wish for a particular gender because not all girls are stereotypically girly and not all boys are stereotypically boyish.

@Brefugee

My MiL wanted a boy so she had 5 kids - 4 daughters who she said "i didn't want any of you, i just wanted DS"

How do you know your DH won't be like that ol' bag?

What does he think he can do with a son that he can't do with daughters? (apart from possibly peeing up a wall contests?)

My mum was like that too. My sister and I had impoverished childhoods so that money could be diverted to the sons when / if they were born. Unluckily for us we had 2 brothers and honestly it was awful to watch them get spoiled and have everything they wanted when our DP didn’t even replace our shoes when they were torn.

@headlingfortrouble 5 boys here ,do you want to do a swap

@saraclara
Rubbish. Would you say that about a mother who hoped for a daughter after having two sons?

Yes I would. I frequently namechange so you can't see it but I'm very against gender dissapointment in general. My dad comes from a family with 5 sons and 1 daughter. It's not a healthy dynamic when it's deliberately been sought after.

Rubbish. Would you say that about a mother who hoped for a daughter after having two sons?

I don't know if that poster would, but I would. When posters say how 'devastated' they are to have a healthy boy and how much they want a girl next time I always think the same thing as rorosemary said - that the worst thing will be if they get one, both for the little boy(s) who weren't good enough and for that girl herself, who appears to be intended solely as mummy's attempt to make herself a dress-up doll and a friend. I think exactly the same here - whatever the DH says about 'not knowing why' he wants a boy I would bet a lot of money that he has some very precise expectations of boys that that son would very much expected to live up to.

dont have another child for that reason op either way what if he gets a son that isnt into typical boy things as men so often go on about )groan

and what if its another girl and he resents her

Well if he'd accept it with a third girl he can accept it with a second. It just wasn't meant to be.

I'd be pushing him to tell me why a boy felt so important to him though.

Sorry, cross post rorosemary, I shouldn't have answered for you!

@Hardbackwriter

Sorry, cross post rorosemary, I shouldn't have answered for you!

I'm actually glad that other people agree with me.

The fact that he is talking about real people, his own children, actual human beings, as some sort of consolation prize would have me questioning the marriage, never mind whether to have another baby with him.

I wouldn’t have children with a man like that. People so desperate to have a particular sex are often caught up in stereotypes. Any son you have will likely be a disappointment to him if he’s not a football loving rough and tumble stereo typical boy. It’s very damaging to children.

"Haha! I love some of these responses - turn this on it’s head and it’s a woman desperate for a girl and it’s all “oh yes gender disappointment is such a real thing and so devastating”. Makes my blood boil hmm."

This-the double standards on her is so bad sometimes!

And if you had a boy, I do wonder what kind of relationship he would then have with his girls. It does suggest that his boy would be his favourite.

My cousin has 6 girls.