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Original poster

To not give him a son

277 replies

headlingfortrouble · 14/11/2020 22:04

Name changed for this.
I have 2 beautiful daughters with my husband and he would desperately like to have a son.

I know he really wanted a boy last time and was disappointed when we had another girl although to be honest although I didn't mind as long as we had a healthy child I was glad we had 2 girls close in age as they are great together.

Anyway dh keeps saying he wants a son and we should try one more time but I know he only wants a son and although he says he will love another girl regardless I have said NO based on him only wanting another child because it's one more shot at it being a boy.
He says I'm being unfair and denying him the chance of a son if I don't agree to trying one more time who is being unreasonable here?

OP posts:
popsydoodle4444 · 15/11/2020 00:06

One of my neighbours has 5 DS's.The last one born about a year ago.She only a few weeks after her youngest DS was birth was openly chatting to the others school mums on the playground saying she and DH won't stop until they get a girl.

I don't understand the mentality of people like that.

evenBetter · 15/11/2020 00:06

alice of course, having a genital preference for infants is fucking creepy. Having a vulva or penis has no bearing on personality or hobbies or liking their parents, there’s no justification for it, it’s only ever ‘spa days and shopping/football and name’

Duemarch2021 · 15/11/2020 00:11

Genuine question - have i missed something here? I've read 2 or 3 times on this post that there's a small chance he will get a boy?? Why is there a small chance? It's 50/50 is it not? Confused

ZoeTurtle · 15/11/2020 00:15

@Duemarch2021

Genuine question - have i missed something here? I've read 2 or 3 times on this post that there's a small chance he will get a boy?? Why is there a small chance? It's 50/50 is it not? Confused
No. If you have a child of one sex, you're slightly more likely to get another child of the same sex. That's why so many people in this thread know of families with 3+ children of the same sex. The age of the parents and where the woman is at in her cycle also skew it from 50/50.
Duemarch2021 · 15/11/2020 00:23

@ZoeTurtle

Oh I didn't know that... I'm one of 3 girls.. my sis went on to have 3 boys... other sis had 1 girl one boy... now I'm pregnant with a girl... didn't know it could work like that

borntohula · 15/11/2020 00:23

@MadCattery sounds about right 😆

romany4 · 15/11/2020 00:24

I have two boys. I never really wanted a daughter, but no-one believes me; apparently I must be soooo disappointed not to have 'a pink one'

I'm the same as you. Never wanted a girl.
I have 4 brothers born before me. My dad wanted 6 girls apparently..

ZoeTurtle · 15/11/2020 00:26

Duemarch2021 It's pretty interesting (if you find that sort of thing interesting, anyway!) I think foetuses of one sex are also more likely to be unviable, though I can't remember which. There are so many factors involved.

SunShinesStill · 15/11/2020 00:31

Unless you’re go to pay to go to the US for gender selection (legal over there) then what the fuck is he on about. Tell him it’s him that decides the gender

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/11/2020 00:32

The person, who doesn’t want another child ‘wins’ this particular dilemma. Why would you carry a child just because your dh wants one. With every birth of a child of the same sex, the stats become higher that the next child will be of the same six again. No way would I risk the high probability of bringing a girl, to become the booby prize.

Duemarch2021 · 15/11/2020 00:35

@ZoeTurtle

Yes it sounds quite interesting! I think I've heard of that actually now you mention it... think i remember it to be boys are less viable but might be wrong

turnitonagain · 15/11/2020 00:48

I agree with PP that it’s different for a woman wanting a daughter because she’s the one who has to be pregnant.

A man shouldn’t be coercing his wife to carry another baby if she doesn’t want to, and the reason doesn’t matter.

WaxOnFeckOff · 15/11/2020 01:04

We have two boys. Neither of them are really into stuff that DH is interested in. He likes sport and traditionally "man" stuff. They like computer games and like cider usually where he likes beer. If we'd had a girl she might have been into sport and beer.

You get what you get and the sex is largely irrelevant.

They have a decent relationship anyway and love each other.

I guess some people have a vision in their head of what their child will be like and his vision is a boy like him but unless you definitely want another child, I think this is one of those situations where the person who doesn't want a child does get to veto the one who does. Every child should be wanted.

Could he volunteer with local sports teams or something if he is feeling a bit left out of manly pursuits?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 15/11/2020 01:06

I find your use of language really strange.

You're not 'giving' or 'denying' him a son.

If you want a third child, you should agree this together.

Or if you have another girl will he want to try for a fourth?

Blueberries0112 · 15/11/2020 01:11

My grandma had six girls straight until her last child, and my husband's cousin have five girls (from different marriages) and no boys.

He can keep trying but he could end up with too many girls lol

steff13 · 15/11/2020 03:45

There is a couple in Michigan who just had their 15th child, a girl. The first 14 were boys. How far is he really willing to go to get a boy?

Pumkinseed · 15/11/2020 04:09

He says I'm being unfair and denying him the chance of a son

he isn't the brightest spark, is he? clearly he is oblivious as how the sex is determined.

you have 2 girls, you are happy. Noone needs 3 children. There are always risks attached to pregnancies. I would not go though with just to have a boy esp as you don't have any desire to have more.

besides, there are also statistics which clearly show that after having 2 DC of the same sex, have a 3rd child with the same sex is more likely that having a 3rd of the opposite sex so statistics are not in DH's favour either.

I also have a similar case in my friendship circle and the 3rd one was a boy. the dad now clearly prefers his DS to his DDs and it creates all kind of stress and tension in the family. The girls play second fiddle for the dad. I would not to risk that either.

just cherish what you have! you have a lot to be grateful for with 2 healthy children .

Blossomhill4 · 15/11/2020 04:22

^^ I'm more than happy with my girls

I’m sure you are happy OP! How would you feel if you had 2 boys. I think you will have to support your husband a bit more and I wouldn’t start with that line.

Tell him you understand his disappointment but there’s only 50/50 chance and if that’s your husbands sole reason for wanting another baby it’s not really a valid reason. It would impact the space in your house and your finances does your husband want this also?

teezletangler · 15/11/2020 04:34

I have some sympathy for OP's DH. I always had a yearning for a girl, and I have two of them. We are not planning anymore DC, mainly because DH doesn't want anymore and I accept that. However if I had two boys I could see myself pushing a bit harder to 'roll the dice' one last time. I also know that if I had sons I would adore them, no matter how many I had!

Statistically it's really a gamble though, OP! I read an interesting article that looked at the data and concluded that you are always more likely to have a boy- except when you already have two girls!

Bobblehatwobble · 15/11/2020 05:16

@AnneLovesGilbert

I can’t believe people have sympathy for him. Ridiculous.
I’m so glad I read this - I was starting to think maybe I was losing the plot with being slightly alarmed by this man’s attitude.
VashtaNerada · 15/11/2020 05:32

Christ, he is so in the wrong! It’s your body and you 100% have the right to decide if you do or don’t get pregnant. It’s also complete nonsense to say that genitalia dictate personality. He needs to grow up and spend some time with his daughters.

Lessofallthisunpleasantness · 15/11/2020 05:46

It's pretty understandable. I always wanted four kids. My husband definitely wanted a boy after we had two girls and I wanted a boy in a way too, as a change. However, I fully expected another girl and so did he. When a wee boy arrived it was a lovely surprise.

It did mean that we stopped at 3 though and I would have loved another. I was quite adamant I wanted another boy and since there is no guarantee of that I didn't push it with DH.

If you go for another baby you have to both go in fully eyes open expecting a third girl (statistically it is a bit more likely after two).

I have a good friend with 5 girls and another who is one of 7 goods. It happens very often.

Just go in expecting another girl, and only go for that if you are happy with that.

Every child is a gift as I always say....... then my eldest replies 'but you don't always want your gifts' hahaha.

Just commit to love all your children and you will.

dentydown · 15/11/2020 05:54

Are you going to keep trying and trying until you get a boy. How many times is he going to realistically want to try for a boy? One more, two more, three more?

Graciebobcat · 15/11/2020 05:54

I would ask what he could do with a son which he thinks he can't do with a daughter.

LunaNorth · 15/11/2020 05:55

Tell him to fuck off.

I mean, presumably he knows what being pregnant and giving birth entails?

And he’s nagging you to go through it so he can fulfil some probably misconceived fantasy about kickabouts and manly talks over a pint?

Nah.

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