Frightened to put my baby to bed :(

[Izzysays]

My son is 9 months old. I am absolutely petrified every single night and cannot stop thinking about SIDS 😔

My son is still our room and I’m too paranoid to put him into his own room.
He’s breastfed and doesn’t always settle very well in his cot so ends up in my bed for a portion of the night.

I’m barely sleeping as I’m paranoid about him being in my bed, but I’m also paranoid about him being in his own bed.

I worry that my mattress or the cot mattress is going to expose him to some unsafe chemicals (I know this sounds crazy)
I’m just so convinced that something bad is going to happen to him.

I’ve never had an evening alone with my husband since my son was born as I’m too afraid to put my son upstairs without me.

I think about it every single day and every morning when we wake up I feel relieved and happy that he’s safe.

I dread bedtimes because the fear sets in again.

I read multiple times a day about SIDS and the statistics. I read stories about it and reserach it.

I just feel like it’s a huge black cloud hanging over me and it’s taking away the enjoyment of being a mummy because I’m so afraid of sleep.

Please someone tell me it gets easier as right now I’m exhausted and drained with this worry 😔

@Zhampagne

I've been flamed before for saying this so with a deep breath, I truly think that the companies who make enormous amounts of money out of movement sensors (and now oxygen sats monitors) are fundamentally unethical, monetising every parent's worst fear. How have we got to the point where it is completely normalised to spend hundreds on sophisticated monitoring systems but there is still a stigma attached to accessing treatment for postnatal anxiety?

Please seek some real-life support, OP. You wouldn't try to walk around on a broken leg and you don't have to feel the way you do right now.

This 💐

Dts were in NICU for a long time. Not a single nurse recommended the alarm systems as they cause more anxiety for false alarm and over reliance on them.

Op you need to get some help for your anxiety / PND. I've been there but it does get better.

@saraclara

I'm really concerned that the OP is now focusing on the posts about the gadget and not those that are telling her that her GP can and will get her help. And it could be transformative

I’m not. I understand I need help & support.
I have been thinking about the angel care monitors for before now, but they wouldn’t stop me from recognising that I need to access help for my anxiety.

@Izzysays

Bless you..I had that exact same fear.

The Health Visitor was very understanding, and asked if I knew of anyone who had lost a child in this way?

Mercifully I hadn't. But reading about it terrified me.

As others have said, 9 months the chances of this happening are very much reduced.

The first time our DS slept through the night I awoke in broad day in a panic!...Rushed across the room to his cot and he was happily sleeping.

It is a horrible worry to have... but now he is older, he should be past that risk.
Being a ''Worrier'' is not good for us though....If it isn't that, it'll be something else..I worried about Meningitis after SIDS risk passed..and now it's Motorbikes ...

There's no reason that a false alarm on a movement sensor would "cause anxiety". As expressed by many PPs on the thread, a (rare) false alarm tends to provide reassurance that the unit is actually working.

@Izzysays
What is holding you back from contacting your GP and telling her or him what you're going through?

What is keeping you from talking to your DH?

Oh OP I had this, I set my alarm every 30 mins throughout the night to check on her and even then I’d have to poke her to make her stir to be fully satisfied.
I had PNA, I didn’t have any treatment for it but it did pass in time.

@Izzysays

Please tell your Health Visitor...
She or he will be very understanding.

Usually when we have this form of irrational fear {and it is irrational to let it consume us} it links in with 'losses' in our past {This was the case with me}
Those losses make us terrified of it potentially happening again...That someone who means the World to us may be taken away/something bad happen.

My Health visitor was very understanding..and I did have a bit of counselling which did really help.

[quote Izzysays]@saraclara

I'm really concerned that the OP is now focusing on the posts about the gadget and not those that are telling her that her GP can and will get her help. And it could be transformative

I’m not. I understand I need help & support.
I have been thinking about the angel care monitors for before now, but they wouldn’t stop me from recognising that I need to access help for my anxiety.[/quote]
I'm glad I was wrong. And I'm glad you're taking in what others who once suffered like you, have said.

I can't imagine how awful this anxiety is for you. And how hard it must be to be trying to pretend it's not happening. Your life can be so much better than this. It really can. It just needs that step. All the best to you. You deserve a happier life.

@Izzysays

I know I probably should speak to my GP or HV again but honestly I feel crazy with some of the things I worry about and I’m embarrassed to tell them.

I’ve ever started to worry about the food I’m giving him or chemicals in shampoos / bath wash Incase they increase his risk of SIDS.

I’m crying uncontrollably typing this as it’s the first time I’ve “said it out loud”

I’ve not read the rest of the thread, I got as far as your post. Oh lovely, it’s anxiety, it’s horrible, utter shit. Speak to your GP, they’ve heard it all before! You will feel like a different person if you tell them how you feel. Wishing you all best x

@mathanxiety

What is holding you back from contacting your GP and telling her or him what you're going through?

Well I guess mostly because I know that to an extent all parents worry.
I know that the risk of SIDS is real and not just something I’m imagining so Im just worried that the GP / HV will think I’m being irrational or OTT by struggling with this particular fear.

What is keeping you from talking to your DH?

Same as above☹️

@Izzysays they won't think that at all. Look at how many people on this thread have struggled with the exact same thing? You're not crazy or weird. Anxiety is basically your brains fight or flight instinct in overdrive. Yes being concerned about SIDS is normal. Not being able to sleep or function properly isn't. Mental health is so important. Your doctor will be no more perturbed by this than if you went in with a sprained wrist. They will listen to your concerns and help you.

@oakleaffy I remember that feeling. It was winter so I didn't realise the time as quickly but I realised when I checked the time that DS had slept for about 7 hours. It caused sheer panic. I actually fell out of bed because I was in such a panic to check on him. Then worried that there was still something wrong with him even although he was breathing I woke him up. He was so pissed off.

You’re quite right to recognise that a monitor isn’t going to really help you with the anxiety. That’s something you need to address with the HV or your GP and while I KNOW it’s looming huge for you, you’re going to be one of many mums they’ve seen before with anxiety and can genuinely help.

We had this monitor for DD: owletbabycare.co.uk/ and I wish they’d had it when I was going through the same awful anxiety when my second was born. It really helped.

I had post natal anxiety with all 3 of my children, hugs to you because it's utterly shit and the fears are so real. Agree with pp - GP and health visitors worth their salt will be nothing but sympathetic and supportive. If there are any post partum support groups available in your area, I really recommend looking into that too. It's such a lifeline and a relief to be able to connect with other people who are feeling the same way and to discover that these intrusive thoughts are more common than you might think.

Yes all parents do worry but this is a bit different isn’t it?
Please just speak to your GP x

Please speak to your GP, you deserve to be well and enjoy this time and your baby deserves you to be well and enjoining being their mum.

Also if the way you feel (and I felt) was "normal" do you think the NHS would have provided me with some pretty strong antidepressants and counselling sessions (which are like hens teeth round here)? Nope, they wouldn't waste money on someone who is well.

I had PNA with my youngest. I always had GAD but that was a time it was out of control. Yes there are perfectly valid concerns like SIDS but you need to look at the stats and risk factors. Your risk factor is probably tiny. Anxiety is a problem when it's out of proportion and yours is.
I remember a GP appointment where I handed over a piece of paper with my thoughts on and then cried while they read it. I had a prescription for anxiety meds and things improved. My baby is 9 and I'm still anxious but I'm more rational. Most of the time

Not going to lie but this sounds like my OCD

I understand what you're going through, OP. I used to wake several times a night to check on my daughter and I had a real fear of SIDS. It was awful, I also had a real fear of my daughter being stillborn in the last weeks of pregnancy. My SIDS paranoia did decrease once she turned one and the (already extremely small) chance of that happening significantly decreased, although I would still wake several times a night to go into her room and check on her until she was past two. I'm not generally an anxious person and I wasn't particularly anxious about any other factor of being a parent or her health, it was completely unexpected. You're definitely not alone.

Coriander yes mine tipped into OCD but there were other factors so hopefully OP's won't :)

I also don't buy into the alarms - I think they feed the paranoia.

Please go see your GP asap or health visitor and get referred for counselling and/or some medication to help with anxiety. I was also very anxious about SIDS early on, I get where you're coming from but the anxiety is the thing to be focusing on, not how to mitigate the SIDS risk (which is vanishingly rare at that age). You mentioned being worried about telling the health visitor how you're feeling - at the depths of my PND I was having suicidal thoughts, making mental plans of how I could leave my family, asking my husband if we could give my daughter back etc. etc. due to PND and no one even began to suggest a negative outcome for me due to this. It's depression - seeking treatment is the right step and a positive step. The NHS and health visitors just want to help you get better. In some areas you can self refer for talking therapy and they will prioritise you as a new mother. I had an assessment a day after I called and saw someone that week for CBT - it was hugely helpful and my anxiety completely resolved. You CAN get help and will get better but taking the first step and reaching out to a health care worker is the first step.

Don’t get a mattress sensor they will go off with older babies, I had SODs fear and got the Snuza it clips to their nappy so doesn’t go off when they move:

www.snuza.com/

But yes that may save your sanity a little but you need to speak to your HV, they won’t judge you x

@Zhampagne

I've been flamed before for saying this so with a deep breath, I truly think that the companies who make enormous amounts of money out of movement sensors (and now oxygen sats monitors) are fundamentally unethical, monetising every parent's worst fear. How have we got to the point where it is completely normalised to spend hundreds on sophisticated monitoring systems but there is still a stigma attached to accessing treatment for postnatal anxiety?

Please seek some real-life support, OP. You wouldn't try to walk around on a broken leg and you don't have to feel the way you do right now.

YES. This.