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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he's being dramatic?

381 replies

DramaInPyjama · 14/11/2020 19:37

H is sulking because apparently I 'dont care about his kids' Hmm

I have had a horrible week of no sleep, not sure why but I can't sleep at the moment. I am so tired.

It got to about 4pm today and I said I had to go and lie down. I asked him not to wake me.

His DC were coming round at around 5:30. He came upstairs at 6, woke me up by turning the light on and started asking me to come downstairs, telling me the kids were here, come say hello, spend time with us and so on...

I was so mad, I was finally asleep and now I was being pestered to get up so when he said 'the kids are here now' I snapped and just replied 'And? I don't care!' and turned the light of to go back to sleep.

I am usually very involved but I just needed this rest and no, I didn't care that the kids had turned up, they are well old enough to be told I'm not feeling great so was asleep (and couldn't give less of a shit if I go and say hello).

Apparently now I don't care about the kids, am rude for not saying hello, don't want to see them Hmm etc...

OP posts:
Lollypop701 · 16/11/2020 20:28

Or a really scary psycho horror.... opening scene welcoming the guests to the house with a big smile...

Ohtherewearethen · 16/11/2020 20:28

The children hadn't been on a camping trip and I don't think any parents have said they wouldn't be awake to welcome their children home from that. You appear a bit confused. One minute you're treating OP as a parent, then you're saying that you haven't. Then you compare the OP's step children coming to their own home to you going to your sister's and expecting your BIL to greet you. Then you call the children guests in their own home, now you're accusing parents of not bothering to wake up to see their children at 2am after they have been away camping. Literally none of this is remotely similar to the OP being ill in bed and her husband being a selfish tit and disregarding her clear instructions to leave her to sleep.

Flutter12 · 16/11/2020 20:30

I know a lot of PPs disagree but for me personally every day after work I stick my head in my DCs door and say hi and ask how their day has been. I usually only get a grunt back or “what’s for tea” but I couldn’t imagine not doing it.

If it was my day off and my DC had been at their grandparents and were on the way back soon and I wanted to go sleep or shopping etc and know that I wouldn’t see them until the next day then I’d wait to just say hi.

If OP was planning to have just a nap or fell asleep much earlier then I would agree that she shouldn’t have been woken.
But OP went to bed not long before they got there and wasn’t planning on waking up until the next day so I stand by my original post that I am on DPs side.

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 16/11/2020 20:32

@Flutter12 this can’t be real surely?

I don’t think I’ve ever considered that my making an appearance at my own birthday party was as important as you seem to think it is to someone you live with who isn’t bothered either way Grin

I would find this level of intensity from a strap parent a bit off putting TBH

Flutter12 · 16/11/2020 20:32

Literally none of this is remotely similar to the OP being ill in bed

Sorry force of workplace habit to use examples when describing things!

Flutter12 · 16/11/2020 20:34

@Onjnmoeiejducwoapy which bit? Sticking my head round the door or waiting for my DC to come back from their grandmas?

Ladylimpet · 16/11/2020 20:35

But flutter, I should imagine most people would do this if they were feeling fine. The OP wasn't well?! How can you not see this?

Ohtherewearethen · 16/11/2020 20:36

Again for the hard of comprehending. You are your children's mother. OP is not her step children's mother. They have a mother, and a father who they were there to see and should be quite capable of entertaining while his wife was ill in bed. You have come out with some guff on here tonight.

ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble · 16/11/2020 20:36

@chocolatesaltyballs22

I think she's been on the glue.
She's a teacher. There are no glues anymore.SadSad
KevinTheCarrot12 · 16/11/2020 20:40

She's a teacher. There are no glues anymore

Yes because Flutter has sniffed them all! Grin

Ohtherewearethen · 16/11/2020 20:42

@Flutter12 - what kind of teacher regularly uses irrelevant examples to describe things? Sounds a bit counter-productive to me. I'm trying to imagine in which subject this might be useful.

Flutter12 · 16/11/2020 20:44

what kind of teacher regularly uses irrelevant examples to describe things? Sounds a bit counter-productive to me. I'm trying to imagine in which subject this might be useful.

@Ohtherewearethen only today did I use the example of our bodies being like a car to my year 7s 😆

ILoveYou3000 · 16/11/2020 20:45

Sticking my head round the door or waiting for my DC to come back from their grandmas?

And again, not remotely related to the OP's situation 🤦🏻‍♀️

I suspect every parent on here does both of the above, unless they're unwell to the point of tears and desperately in need of sleep, so leave the other parent (or in this case the actual parent) to do the greeting and catching up.

Why do both parents need to be there as a welcoming committee?

Flutter12 · 16/11/2020 20:49

But flutter, I should imagine most people would do this if they were feeling fine. The OP wasn't well?! How can you not see this?

I completely get that.
And that’s why I’d have no issue if OP was in bed until late evening and then said hi and went back to bed or said a quick hi and then didn’t see them the entire time - it’s the timing of when she went bed vs when they came as she knew they were on the way. And then of course her wording saying she doesn’t care.

Flutter12 · 16/11/2020 20:51

Why do both parents need to be there as a welcoming committee?

They don’t but if they’re both in the house then surely they’d just say a quick hi.

ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble · 16/11/2020 20:53

@Flutter12

Why do both parents need to be there as a welcoming committee?

They don’t but if they’re both in the house then surely they’d just say a quick hi.

But why? What's the point?
Flutter12 · 16/11/2020 20:53

Yes because Flutter has sniffed them all!

😆😆 if there was glue I would definitely be sniffing it!

Flutter12 · 16/11/2020 20:54

But why? What's the point?

What’s the point in saying hi?
It’s just a normal thing to do isn’t it?
Say hi when you see someone? Especially if you’ve not seen them all day or a couple of days.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 16/11/2020 20:57

@Flutter12

I can’t imagine being so far up my own arse as to expect an ill person to drag themselves out of bed to say hi to me.

Hopefully your an adult not a child - big difference.

And it’s not about expecting someone to do it. It’s about the other person wanting to do it so the guest feels welcome and explaining that you won’t see much of them as they’re going to bed.

Imagine going to someone’s house and finding out the other adult has gone into their bedroom just before you came (knowing you were on the way) and won’t be out until the next day.
Then imagine it as if you were a child.

@Flutter12 - do you not think that children are capable of empathy (of an age appropriate sort, of course)?

Leaving aside the fact that the OP has already said that she knows her step children wouldn’t be at all bothered by her not being there to greet them, surely their father could have explained that their step mum has been suffering insomnia and was so tired she was crying, so has gone to bed - and surely most children, once out of toddlerhood, would understand and not be upset.

Maybe I have a higher opinion of children and their ability to empathise than you do!

TeaStory · 16/11/2020 20:57

It’s not just “a quick hi”.

It’s waking an exhausted insomniac who may not be able to then get back to sleep.

OP went to bed when she did because she was shattered.

ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble · 16/11/2020 20:59

@Flutter12

But why? What's the point?

What’s the point in saying hi?
It’s just a normal thing to do isn’t it?
Say hi when you see someone? Especially if you’ve not seen them all day or a couple of days.

But she wasn't seeing them. She was in bed. Asleep. Because she's not well and exhausted to the point of crying and napping at work. She wasn't flicking her bean, or gaming,or watching TV hiding away and ignoring them.

She was sleeping, after a week of insomnia. She might've woken up later anyways, but we'll never know because her arsehole husband decided her being a performing monkey and saying "hi" on command was more important than her health and wellbeing.

ILoveYou3000 · 16/11/2020 21:02

They don’t but if they’re both in the house then surely they’d just say a quick hi.

Why? If one is unwell, why can't they be allowed to sleep so they're feeling better the following day?

And do you not understand, getting out of bed, going downstairs and speaking to the step kids will likely have woke OP up to the point she then wouldn't be able to simply go back to sleep.

If she was just lying in bed watching Netflix fine, but she wasn't she was having some much needed sleep.

ILoveYou3000 · 16/11/2020 21:03

Say hi when you see someone

She didn't see them she was in bed sleeping.

KevinTheCarrot12 · 16/11/2020 21:05

She wasn't flicking her bean

This has made me piss

Flutter12 · 16/11/2020 21:07

do you not think that children are capable of empathy (of an age appropriate sort, of course)?

Yes of course but not in the same way an adult does.

I don’t expect people to fully understand how important a greeting is and what an impact it has unless they work with children but surely anyone who’s ever had children come into their home knows to say hi, whether it’s their own or not.

If I have relationship problems or I’m not feeling well does that mean I shouldn’t greet children in a welcoming way?