To think he's being dramatic?

[DramaInPyjama]

H is sulking because apparently I 'dont care about his kids'

I have had a horrible week of no sleep, not sure why but I can't sleep at the moment. I am so tired.

It got to about 4pm today and I said I had to go and lie down. I asked him not to wake me.

His DC were coming round at around 5:30. He came upstairs at 6, woke me up by turning the light on and started asking me to come downstairs, telling me the kids were here, come say hello, spend time with us and so on...

I was so mad, I was finally asleep and now I was being pestered to get up so when he said 'the kids are here now' I snapped and just replied 'And? I don't care!' and turned the light of to go back to sleep.

I am usually very involved but I just needed this rest and no, I didn't care that the kids had turned up, they are well old enough to be told I'm not feeling great so was asleep (and couldn't give less of a shit if I go and say hello).

Apparently now I don't care about the kids, am rude for not saying hello, don't want to see them etc...

And do you not understand, getting out of bed, going downstairs and speaking to the step kids will likely have woke OP up to the point she then wouldn't be able to simply go back to sleep.

Yes!
Which is why I would have just waited for them to come and then told them I was going to sleep which would have stopped any interruptions.
If DP then woke her up I would then say she’s in the right and he’s wrong.

If it was 10am and they weren’t coming until 4pm then it’s completely different but chances are they were on their way when the OP decided to go to bed.

Yes of course but not in the same way an adult does.

Could not disagree more. Some children are capable of far more empathy than some adults.

There is also a world of difference between never being greeted and being wilfully ignored than one occasion where dad is there to greet you and step-mum is in bed unwell and sleeping. I genuinely worry for you if you can't see this.

Fucking hell Flutter, I bet you’re mum really regrets not just going to fucking bed now

I’ve spent years working with children. From a young age they are able to understand “so-and-so isn’t well so they can’t come to see you today”.

It sounds like OP was just too exhausted to sit up for another hour and a half to wait for children and demonstrate martyrdom to them.

Which is why I would have just waited for them to come and then told them I was going to sleep which would have stopped any interruptions.

You clearly aren't getting it. She was exhausted to the point of tears. If you don't seize the moment when your body says sleep, then you become overtired and falling asleep becomes even more difficult. Waiting would very probably have meant the OP would not have been able to get the sleep she needed.

I'm also dubious that her husband would have happily waved OP off to bed after she'd said hello, going on the fact he ignored her reasonable request of letting her sleep.

@Flutter12

And do you not understand, getting out of bed, going downstairs and speaking to the step kids will likely have woke OP up to the point she then wouldn't be able to simply go back to sleep.

Yes!
Which is why I would have just waited for them to come and then told them I was going to sleep which would have stopped any interruptions.
If DP then woke her up I would then say she’s in the right and he’s wrong.

If it was 10am and they weren’t coming until 4pm then it’s completely different but chances are they were on their way when the OP decided to go to bed.

I work with children. Still nope.

I wouldn't wake up at 2am if they came home from a camping trip either. I'm sure my husband would, but I would see them in the morning over breakfast and ask them how it was then.

Runs and hides from Flutter

@ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble your telling me your a teacher and not been trained to welcome your students at the door in a welcoming manner regardless of how you’re feeling?

She wasn't flicking her bean

I've been rumbled

your telling me your a teacher and not been trained to welcome your students at the door in a welcoming manner regardless of how you’re feeling?

You're at work... I also work during the day and can't tell clients I'm going for a nap. That's entirely different to going to bed once I've finished for the day and am at home and able to go to bed.

Could not disagree more. Some children are capable of far more empathy than some adults.

Yes of course some adults lack empathy but it is common knowledge that the older you are the more capable of empathy you are.

Try explaining to a 5 year old vs a 12 year older vs a 40 year old about post natal depression, PTSD, having a miscarriage etc yes a small child might know you’re sad but not have the empathy most adults would.

your telling me your a teacher and not been trained to welcome your students at the door in a welcoming manner regardless of how you’re feeling?

Please tell you don't teach English!

**You're

But also, yet again, not related to the OP at all.

All this whataboutery is ridiculous.

No one was coming in at 2am, no one had been camping, no one was a guest visiting for the first time in weeks, no one was sat downstairs uncomfortable and worrying, my step children weren't rocking in a corner unable to get their words out through their utter heartbreak that I was in bed when they came.

Goodness me. Whatever next. What if my husband had no arms and legs and was unable to care for them himself?

There's no point going on about scenarios that literally have nothing to do with the actual situation.

Try explaining to a 5 year old vs a 12 year older vs a 40 year old about post natal depression, PTSD, having a miscarriage etc yes a small child might know you’re sad but not have the empathy most adults would.

How the HELL is that the same as telling a child someone is unwell so they’re staying in bed (something most of not all children will have experience of, BTW)?!

YANBU OP that was his time with the kids. Does he not know how to have them without you being there?

I wouldn't wake up at 2am if they came home from a camping trip either. I'm sure my husband would, but I would see them in the morning over breakfast and ask them how it was then.

😆😆 ok that’s fair enough then.
We have different parenting techniques so we will never agree over your original post. Me and your DP probably would though haha.

@DramaInPyjama

All this whataboutery is ridiculous.

No one was coming in at 2am, no one had been camping, no one was a guest visiting for the first time in weeks, no one was sat downstairs uncomfortable and worrying, my step children weren't rocking in a corner unable to get their words out through their utter heartbreak that I was in bed when they came.

Goodness me. Whatever next. What if my husband had no arms and legs and was unable to care for them himself?

There's no point going on about scenarios that literally have nothing to do with the actual situation.

Next is always spontaneous combustion.

So what if one of them caught on fire ? Would you get up then? Would you say hi?

Please tell you don't teach English!

God no!

But in my defence I have had less than 3 hours of sleep each night for the past 4 nights 😆

How the HELL is that the same as telling a child someone is unwell so they’re staying in bed (something most of not all children will have experience of, BTW)?!

My message was in response to someone else.

@Flutter12 Are you the OP's DH?

DramainPyjama

You are obviously suffering some mental exhaustion bought on by insomnia because you have not absorbed the rules of MN as relates to step mothers. Let me enlighten your feeble brain..

1. You are a SM therefore what ever issue/situation/problem you have relating to (or involving ) SCs in ANYWAY - you are in the wrong. Remember this cardinal rule and you won't go wrong.

1. Behaving in a way that a biological mother would - going to bed and expecting dad to get in with it is not acceptable. Your a step mother - therefore anything less than full on involvement - whilst remembering never to offer an opinion nor assume any rights to things like respect .. is the minimum requirement.

1. Poor poor daddy must not be expected to parent on his own.. he will 'get stressed'

1. Your house is their HOME ... you MUST NOT expect to be consulted on things like arrivals, departures, meals etc ... except when ...

1. They are guests ... they are guests when treating your house like their home becomes 'inconvenient' for stunts like that , your 'd' h tried to pull today.

OP you are completely in the right. My step kids are also lovely but could equally not give a flying fuck if I took myself to bed early .. because they are normal fairly self absorbed teenagers who only really care if something impacts them. If they can get taxied around, charge their phones, find food in the house they like..then they couldn't give a flying fuck if was sitting in the same room as them or riding an unicorn up Everest.

Carrying on with this random 2am camping trip... Is it just me who's own parents wouldn't have both gotten up and waited eagerly at the door with the bunting and balloons to welcome me home because I'd been gone a couple of days?

I imagine something like my mum or my dad would pick me up from said camp, take me home, we'd go straight to bed and then I'd see my Dad/mum whichever had stayed home, in the morning and talk about it then.

Was I just unaware as to how awful my parents were?

Anyway, what kids get home at 2am from a camping trip?

If they can get taxied around, charge their phones, find food in the house they like..then they couldn't give a flying fuck if was sitting in the same room as them or riding an unicorn up Everest.

😂😂😂

😆😆* ok that’s fair enough then.
We have different parenting techniques so we will never agree over your original post. Me and your DP probably would though haha.*

Oh good heavens. The OP is not a parent to these children. They were greeted by their parent. Why are you not understanding this?

@Flutter12 Are you the OP's DH?

😆😆 I promise I’m not!