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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he's being dramatic?

381 replies

DramaInPyjama · 14/11/2020 19:37

H is sulking because apparently I 'dont care about his kids' Hmm

I have had a horrible week of no sleep, not sure why but I can't sleep at the moment. I am so tired.

It got to about 4pm today and I said I had to go and lie down. I asked him not to wake me.

His DC were coming round at around 5:30. He came upstairs at 6, woke me up by turning the light on and started asking me to come downstairs, telling me the kids were here, come say hello, spend time with us and so on...

I was so mad, I was finally asleep and now I was being pestered to get up so when he said 'the kids are here now' I snapped and just replied 'And? I don't care!' and turned the light of to go back to sleep.

I am usually very involved but I just needed this rest and no, I didn't care that the kids had turned up, they are well old enough to be told I'm not feeling great so was asleep (and couldn't give less of a shit if I go and say hello).

Apparently now I don't care about the kids, am rude for not saying hello, don't want to see them Hmm etc...

OP posts:
OhCaptain · 16/11/2020 20:06

Well the children live there. It's their home.

Do you all come to the door to greet each other every time one of you comes into your house, @Flutter12? Because that's fucking weird.

TeaStory · 16/11/2020 20:06

I can’t imagine being so far up my own arse as to expect an ill person to drag themselves out of bed to say hi to me.

TwylaSands · 16/11/2020 20:07

@TeaStory

I can’t imagine being so far up my own arse as to expect an ill person to drag themselves out of bed to say hi to me.
Grin absolutely this
Tangledtresses · 16/11/2020 20:09

My kids don't go to spend time with their dad to see their step parent.... they like her and she's great
But I wouldn't expect her to be there for my kids
I expect him to be there! If I knew he was being such a knob I would have a word
But maybe that's why we are not together 🤔

Think on that 😁

Flutter12 · 16/11/2020 20:13

Do you all come to the door to greet each other every time one of you comes into your house, @Flutter12? Because that's fucking weird.

We don’t all come to the door but if I have guests around I will introduce them and they will say hi. Or if I’m out and about and I bump into someone I will introduce them to the person I’m with and vice versa. That’s just basic manners isn’t it?

ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble · 16/11/2020 20:14

@Flutter12

Do you all come to the door to greet each other every time one of you comes into your house, @Flutter12? Because that's fucking weird.

We don’t all come to the door but if I have guests around I will introduce them and they will say hi. Or if I’m out and about and I bump into someone I will introduce them to the person I’m with and vice versa. That’s just basic manners isn’t it?

Children are not guests are they?
TeaStory · 16/11/2020 20:14

The children weren’t “guests”. They live there.

Flutter, if a “guest” came to your house at 2am, would you get up and greet them cheerfully?

Original poster
DramaInPyjama · 16/11/2020 20:15

@Flutter12

Do you all come to the door to greet each other every time one of you comes into your house, @Flutter12? Because that's fucking weird.

We don’t all come to the door but if I have guests around I will introduce them and they will say hi. Or if I’m out and about and I bump into someone I will introduce them to the person I’m with and vice versa. That’s just basic manners isn’t it?

They. Are. Not. Guests. For goodness sake 😂

I'll make sure to treat them as such from now on shall I? Don't treat this house like your home DSC because you're just guests in it. I suspect that would go down like a lead balloon with most.

OP posts:
Flutter12 · 16/11/2020 20:16

I can’t imagine being so far up my own arse as to expect an ill person to drag themselves out of bed to say hi to me.

Hopefully your an adult not a child - big difference.

And it’s not about expecting someone to do it. It’s about the other person wanting to do it so the guest feels welcome and explaining that you won’t see much of them as they’re going to bed.

Imagine going to someone’s house and finding out the other adult has gone into their bedroom just before you came (knowing you were on the way) and won’t be out until the next day.
Then imagine it as if you were a child.

ILoveYou3000 · 16/11/2020 20:16

We don’t all come to the door but if I have guests around I will introduce them and they will say hi. Or if I’m out and about and I bump into someone I will introduce them to the person I’m with and vice versa. That’s just basic manners isn’t it?

But not even a little bit related to this situation. The children aren't guests in their own home.

Pukkatea · 16/11/2020 20:18

I think it's good for kids to learn some empathy and not be taught that the world revolves around them.

Original poster
DramaInPyjama · 16/11/2020 20:18

so the guest feels welcome

My head is about to explode.

They aren't guests

OP posts:
Pukkatea · 16/11/2020 20:18

@Flutter12 I already told you that I don't have to imagine it. I experienced it often. And I didn't care in the slightest.

Original poster
DramaInPyjama · 16/11/2020 20:19

If they were guests id have asked them if we could rearrange for another day as DH is in bed unwell and I don't want to wake him.

Should I have asked the DSC not to come? They are only visiting guests after all.

OP posts:
Flutter12 · 16/11/2020 20:19

The children weren’t “guests”. They live there.

Flutter, if a “guest” came to your house at 2am, would you get up and greet them cheerfully?

I am saying guests so it is a different scenario. But surely children are worse?!

If my child was coming home at 2am eg my DD had been on a camping trip I would (and was) 100% be awake for when they came home and then I’d go back to sleep afterwards. I’m surprised that so many parents wouldn’t do this!

Ohtherewearethen · 16/11/2020 20:21

@Flutter12 - it's 'you're' not 'your'.
The children were going home to one of their houses. They are not guests in their own house. This is obviously a bit baffling for you.

TeaStory · 16/11/2020 20:21

And it’s not about expecting someone to do it.

You said you would “EXPECT” your BIL a to get up!

I’d be mortified if an insomniac got woken to say hi to me and I’d wonder why they didn’t value themselves more.

Also, it’s “you’re”.

Oswin · 16/11/2020 20:21

OP your thread has attracted quite a few different types of posters.
The type who thinks anyone who parents differently to them is an awful parent.
Also the weirdos who think day sleeping is some sort of moral shame.

Add to the that people who will always side with the man and you have the batshit posts on here.

So weird. Even if op was the parent, going to sleep early and not seeing them is fine.

ILoveYou3000 · 16/11/2020 20:22

*And it’s not about expecting someone to do it. It’s about the other person wanting to do it so the guest feels welcome and explaining that you won’t see much of them as they’re going to bed.

Imagine going to someone’s house and finding out the other adult has gone into their bedroom just before you came (knowing you were on the way) and won’t be out until the next day.
Then imagine it as if you were a child.*

You're getting a bit ridiculous now.

If that adult is unwell to the point of tears I couldn't give a hoot if they'd gone to bed knowing I was on my way round. In fact I'd probably cut my visit short and offer to take the kids back to mine to enable the person in bed to have some peace and quiet.

My kids and step kids also have enough compassion to know if I'm in bed unwell, which happens due to a couple of autoimmune conditions, it doesn't mean I don't love them or want to see them, it means I'm unwell and in desperate need of rest.

Oswin · 16/11/2020 20:24

@Flutter12

The children weren’t “guests”. They live there.

Flutter, if a “guest” came to your house at 2am, would you get up and greet them cheerfully?

I am saying guests so it is a different scenario. But surely children are worse?!

If my child was coming home at 2am eg my DD had been on a camping trip I would (and was) 100% be awake for when they came home and then I’d go back to sleep afterwards. I’m surprised that so many parents wouldn’t do this!

Well yes because you are the parent! Bloody hell. So odd.
ILoveYou3000 · 16/11/2020 20:25

If my child was coming home at 2am eg my DD had been on a camping trip I would (and was) 100% be awake for when they came home and then I’d go back to sleep afterwards. I’m surprised that so many parents wouldn’t do this!

Absolutely no one has said they wouldn't do this. You're just making stuff up and making yourself look a little silly now.

ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble · 16/11/2020 20:26

@Flutter12

I can’t imagine being so far up my own arse as to expect an ill person to drag themselves out of bed to say hi to me.

Hopefully your an adult not a child - big difference.

And it’s not about expecting someone to do it. It’s about the other person wanting to do it so the guest feels welcome and explaining that you won’t see much of them as they’re going to bed.

Imagine going to someone’s house and finding out the other adult has gone into their bedroom just before you came (knowing you were on the way) and won’t be out until the next day.
Then imagine it as if you were a child.

You're honestly not as important as you think you are.

And most people,even children understand family might be ill,indisposed, feeling shit etc. The expectations are for general behaviour not a one off when feeling poorly or being at the door saluting every time you come in.

Hell,even guest understand that.

When I'm exhausted and I'm sleeping I don't give a shit who you are. You do not wake me. My 8 yo can comprehend that. She's an awesome "guest".Grin

Lollypop701 · 16/11/2020 20:26

I think flutter is from a parallel universe...or a Disney show?

chocolatesaltyballs22 · 16/11/2020 20:28

I think she's been on the glue.

MushMonster · 16/11/2020 20:28

I think you are both in the wrong, but not a major thing.
Him for wakingvyou up when you had told him that you were tired and needed a rest.
You for the wording, which was not the best, but understandable as you had just been awaken.
He should have spent the afternoon with them on his own, to be honest.
Apologise to him, just say you were angry because he woke you up and you needed to rest. And he should apologise for not realising that you were serious about needing that rest.
And all sorted!
The real truth is that they would have woken you with their noise anyway, if they are little Grin

(Please do not treat them like guests!)