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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my perfect MIL to it?

157 replies

mamajule · 14/11/2020 10:49

After a weekend of undermining comments my 6mth daughter failed at her morning nap, probably because my daughter was sick because DH and his mum rammed her with baby porridge when she's just started weaning.

I was then told I didn't have the knack of getting a baby to nap and that "grandma would do it" so now magic grandma is trying but DD is screaming her head off because she wants a little breastfeed before nodding off.

But now because DD is screaming I have been asked to fix it all, but without feeding her to sleep "because that isn't the way".

Honestly feel like saying well if I am so shit at getting her to nap and grandma is so amazing then it would be silly of me to even try. FYI if DD is screaming her head off then grandma can't be that amazing.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 14/11/2020 10:52

Well you could be stubborn or you could help your daughter
I agree mil sounds annoying but how about actually standing up to her rather than let her do something that has distressed your daughter so much and then be passive aggressive about it?

HotSince63 · 14/11/2020 10:52

I would take your DD, put her in her car seat, and drive home, now.

Twigletfairy · 14/11/2020 10:54

Well I wouldn't leave your daughter screaming to prove a point.

I would take your daughter and pointedly tell your MIL to shut her trap as she obviously doesn't know the way to get her to sleep and she has obviously failed otherwise your daughter wouldn't still be screaming

User7312019 · 14/11/2020 10:55

Don’t know how you could stand to listen to your daughter upset and know you could help and deliberately not go to prove a point? Stop letting your MIL take over.

lyralalala · 14/11/2020 10:56

Take your child back and tell your MIL if you choose to bf her to sleep that's up to you

DrizzleandDamp · 14/11/2020 10:58

Your baby is distressed and it’s hard but you need to sort her out and start to stop being quite so pathetic, sorry but you’re a mum now and you need to stand up for yourself and for her and tell them to butt the hell oht.

MusicWithRocksIn1t · 14/11/2020 10:59

Id probably just ask if she's done sticking her nose in where it doesn't belong and take DD home. I had to do it many times with my own MIL.

Original poster
mamajule · 14/11/2020 10:59

Magic boobies are fixing this as we speak. I was obviously outside the door ready, hard to strike a balance between letting grandma do her thing and being ready to fix it.

OP posts:
Macncheeseballs · 14/11/2020 10:59

Your mil is being an arse, take baby, give her a nice breastfeed to get her to sleep and have a nice cup of tea

cupofdecaf · 14/11/2020 11:02

Magic breastfeeding solves all sorts in my experience. Soothes to sleep, bad tummy, generally grumpy, over stimulated etc. Boob for comfort if it works for your baby and tell her she's your child not your MILs.

Nanny0gg · 14/11/2020 11:04

Are you staying there or living there?

And you may have a DH problem, not a MiL one.

pigsDOfly · 14/11/2020 11:05

Why on earth is your MIL having such a lot of say over what you do with your baby.

Pick your baby up and feed her to sleep. It's what she need. It's got nothing to do with MIL how you settle your baby and anyway, she's wrong.

And stop allowing anyone, including your husband, to stuff her full of food, especially baby porridge. Her digestive system can't cope.

Stop being passive aggressive and get on with dealing with your baby in your way. This is not a game to play with MIL at the expense of your baby.

Sawyersfishbiscuits · 14/11/2020 11:06

Sounds awful but honestly you've got to stand up to her.
Where were you during the porridge ramming?

pigsDOfly · 14/11/2020 11:07

Just seen your up.

Glad to see you're standing up for your baby.

SpectralPlot · 14/11/2020 11:07

OP don't let this happen. I had similar and I gave into it as I was young and naive.

You know best for your baby.

AnotherDelphinium · 14/11/2020 11:07

Your MIL is just jealous that neither her nor her DS can get her to sleep because they don’t have magic boobies.
They need to grow-up and get over themselves. Learn some phrases that you can just repeat ad nauseam when told ‘grandma can do it’.

“You can’t get her to nap, let grandma do it”
“Actually, you distressed my DD so much with you previous failure, I’ll get her to nap whilst you make a cup of tea and tidy the kitchen”

CookieClub · 14/11/2020 11:10

@mamajule

After a weekend of undermining comments my 6mth daughter failed at her morning nap, probably because my daughter was sick because DH and his mum rammed her with baby porridge when she's just started weaning.

I was then told I didn't have the knack of getting a baby to nap and that "grandma would do it" so now magic grandma is trying but DD is screaming her head off because she wants a little breastfeed before nodding off.

But now because DD is screaming I have been asked to fix it all, but without feeding her to sleep "because that isn't the way".

Honestly feel like saying well if I am so shit at getting her to nap and grandma is so amazing then it would be silly of me to even try. FYI if DD is screaming her head off then grandma can't be that amazing.

AIBU?

You'll have to start standing up to her.

Just reply with things like "well thats the way here" [ref feeding her to sleep] DO NOT enter into any kind of convo about parenting and her way vs yours, other than You raised your children your way - a long time ago - and now it's time for me to raise your grandchild my way. End of convo.

Good luck. Magic boobies fix everything and it's evolutionarily normal for a baby to be comforted by it's mother, suckling for comfort /sleep/whatever it doesn't matter, babies are wired to suckle for comfort .

good luck and take care of yourself. don't let her get to you xx

Aquamarine1029 · 14/11/2020 11:10

Don't blame your MIL because you lack the fortitude to stand up to her. She should have been put in her place long before now.

yoyo1234 · 14/11/2020 11:11

Do you 🙂. Breastfeed to sleep. Then work out your escape.... Are you staying at Grandma's or is she at yours?

Fedupwiththis70 · 14/11/2020 11:13

As others have said I would take your daughter and go home. It’s not nice that your mil is ignoring you about what your daughter needs when she’s clearly so distressed.

Goldencurtain · 14/11/2020 11:16

Where is your backbone?!

Original poster
mamajule · 14/11/2020 11:17

Not sure why feeding her to sleep is a problem! It works every time. She sleeps through the night, is a very happy and content baby. There is a reason why it happens and works.

So many people seem quite against feeding to sleep.

OP posts:
MissBPotter · 14/11/2020 11:19

Just take your baby and feed her. You’re her mother. Do not leave her scream. Poor thing.

RandomMess · 14/11/2020 11:21

Feeding to sleep is only an issue if baby wakes multiple times per night and can't get back to sleep without being fed because it's knackering.

If you don't mind feeding to sleep then it isn't a problem at all.

Ohalrightthen · 14/11/2020 11:23

So many people seem quite against feeding to sleep.

It's fine if it works for you, but the older a child gets the more distressing it is for them to break the habit, so you either have to go through lots of wailing or you have to wait til your toddler grows out of it. And while that's happening, you have to be there for every single sleep, which can be quite excluding for Dad, means you never get a break, and makes nursery a no go, in my experience.

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