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AIBU?

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Original poster

To leave my perfect MIL to it?

157 replies

mamajule · 14/11/2020 10:49

After a weekend of undermining comments my 6mth daughter failed at her morning nap, probably because my daughter was sick because DH and his mum rammed her with baby porridge when she's just started weaning.

I was then told I didn't have the knack of getting a baby to nap and that "grandma would do it" so now magic grandma is trying but DD is screaming her head off because she wants a little breastfeed before nodding off.

But now because DD is screaming I have been asked to fix it all, but without feeding her to sleep "because that isn't the way".

Honestly feel like saying well if I am so shit at getting her to nap and grandma is so amazing then it would be silly of me to even try. FYI if DD is screaming her head off then grandma can't be that amazing.

AIBU?

OP posts:
MrsWooster · 14/11/2020 11:24

“Mil, you raised your children your way, I am raising my child my way” deal with Dh breaking ranks with you later when she’s not around

pigsDOfly · 14/11/2020 11:25

@mamajule

Not sure why feeding her to sleep is a problem! It works every time. She sleeps through the night, is a very happy and content baby. There is a reason why it happens and works.

So many people seem quite against feeding to sleep.

Well, no one on here seem to be against breastfeeding to sleep.

I breastfed all my to sleep if they needed it and my DD has done the same with hers.

I thought it was normal for breastfed babies.

MadameMeursault · 14/11/2020 11:25

Do you live with MIL? Or just visiting? You need to sort this situation out sharp-ish.

The problem with feeding to sleep is - what are you going to do when you stop bf?

Pinkflipflop85 · 14/11/2020 11:25

Not always a problem.

Both ds and dd breastfed to sleep. Both had no problems sleeping at the childminders, or at grandparents houses or when daddy was in charge.

Went back to work at 8 months with both and never had an issue.

HOkieCOkie · 14/11/2020 11:26

She’s not wrong re breast feeding. But it’s your baby your life.

Oooohbehave · 14/11/2020 11:26

Why the hell are you letting her take over? Stand up for yourself and your baby and stop being such a wet blanket.

Anydreamwilldo12 · 14/11/2020 11:27

Why are you allowing your MIL even a say in this?

GalaxyCookieCrumble · 14/11/2020 11:28

So your DD is screaming and you are on here trying to prove a point? Sorry but I am baffled by your priority's?

Elvesinquarantine · 14/11/2020 11:28

Your mil sounds a piece of work. Using a baby to gain control of you.....
Would be giving her a wide berth.
Are you allowed to visit during the current ruling?

HallieKnight · 14/11/2020 11:30

You need to put your daughter above your pettiness

Worldwide2 · 14/11/2020 11:31

You definitely need to stand up to her. Don't get into any arguments about parenting. Simply my baby my way. She needs to back off.
Nothing wrong with breastfeeding your baby to sleep. I did it with my daughter and now doing it again.
Do what feels right for you and not what someone is telling you because x, y, z
Good luck!

HmmSureJan · 14/11/2020 11:32

@mamajule

Not sure why feeding her to sleep is a problem! It works every time. She sleeps through the night, is a very happy and content baby. There is a reason why it happens and works.

So many people seem quite against feeding to sleep.

It isn't a problem as long as you're not struggling with it. I always did it and my babies developed good sleeping habits and I was reassured as I knew I had a fool proof way of getting them to drop off. I don't understand why some are so against it tbh.
ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble · 14/11/2020 11:32

Settle your daughter ,go home and tell your partner he can either parent with you and do what works, or with his mum whenever he gets access to see DD.

This "I know best bullshit" isn't helping anyone and is harming your DD. He needs to step up and do whatever is best for your daughter ,not what pleased his mother.

Priorities..

And if he can't do that then he's out.

sallyedmondson · 14/11/2020 11:34

Do you live with MIL?

Easier if you don't but either way a stern talking to with DH is needed. You need a united front against this woman.

lyralalala · 14/11/2020 11:37

@mamajule

Not sure why feeding her to sleep is a problem! It works every time. She sleeps through the night, is a very happy and content baby. There is a reason why it happens and works.

So many people seem quite against feeding to sleep.

If your MIL has a problem with feeding to sleep then it's her problem.

Unless there's a backstory of you expecting childcare a lot or something then it's none of her business.

lyralalala · 14/11/2020 11:37

*overnight childcare

oohyoudevilyou · 14/11/2020 11:39

Mil's, mothers frequently do this. Things were different back when they had little ones, but now we know more about infant nutrition and weaning. Try and discuss this calmly with her, along with the science that backs it up and make it clear that YOU decide how to feed your baby.

Well done to your DD for showing solidarity, though...mine occasionally did what Grandma wanted and randomly slept or stopped crying just to "prove" that she was right in putting an extra scoop of formula in the bottle/dipping the dummy in honey or whatever!

BangersAndMush · 14/11/2020 11:40

Is your MIL round your house a lot? Sounds like it. Maybe it's time for that to stop... I would have told her that her "help" wasn't needed long ago...

MoonJelly · 14/11/2020 11:40

@GalaxyCookieCrumble

So your DD is screaming and you are on here trying to prove a point? Sorry but I am baffled by your priority's?
RTFT
AllTheUserNamesAreTaken · 14/11/2020 11:41

Your MIL sounds an utter pain but you don’t sound very nice. Why on earth would you basically say ‘go on then MIL, crack on’ knowing it won’t work and your baby will be upset. It’s not like she’s stubbornly insisting she knows the best way to change a tyre so you let her struggle!

It’s your baby who is suffering. Grow up, stop playing games, stand up for your daughter.

And also maybe acknowledge everything MIL says isn’t automatically wrong and that whilst feeding to sleep now is certainly lovely, (I love seeing their content sleepy faces after a feed whether that is breast or bubble) it could become a problem later on. Up to you how you deal with that though

LockdownLilly · 14/11/2020 11:42

I found the trick to parenting was to think long term and work backwards. So feeding to sleep works now but long term you want to put a tired child down and for it to find its own way to sleep. So probably at this stage I started feeding sat on the sofa then moved a sleepy child to bed to self settle. Your looking to achieve your long term goal so keep that in mind.

AllTheUserNamesAreTaken · 14/11/2020 11:43

And as for MIL stuffing her full of porridge, what on earth was DH doing letting her do that!

TurquoiseDragon · 14/11/2020 11:43

After a weekend of undermining comments my 6mth daughter failed at her morning nap

I suspect it's a visit, from this.

OP, you need to be firm in your boundaries, and make sure your DH knows which side he's supposed to be on.

Somethingsnappy · 14/11/2020 11:50

Is she asleep now, OP?

Kokosrieksts · 14/11/2020 11:51

I’d set boundaries now. She is your daughter and distressed, your MIL has different opinion about how a baby should be raised, surely you step up and tell her you don’t agree with the crying and take your baby back.

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