To leave my perfect MIL to it?

[mamajule]

After a weekend of undermining comments my 6mth daughter failed at her morning nap, probably because my daughter was sick because DH and his mum rammed her with baby porridge when she's just started weaning.

I was then told I didn't have the knack of getting a baby to nap and that "grandma would do it" so now magic grandma is trying but DD is screaming her head off because she wants a little breastfeed before nodding off.

But now because DD is screaming I have been asked to fix it all, but without feeding her to sleep "because that isn't the way".

Honestly feel like saying well if I am so shit at getting her to nap and grandma is so amazing then it would be silly of me to even try. FYI if DD is screaming her head off then grandma can't be that amazing.

AIBU?

@mamajule

Not sure why feeding her to sleep is a problem! It works every time. She sleeps through the night, is a very happy and content baby. There is a reason why it happens and works.

So many people seem quite against feeding to sleep.

I fed to sleep. Not by choice, they just did.

It did make it tricky when I wanted to leave them or when they got older and I just wanted to put them down, but they grow out of it eventually!

Oh come on, why is everybody kicking the op when she needs support? She needs back up that she is right to feed her baby to sleep and right that it is not a good idea to shovel any type of solids into a newly weaning baby.

DILs and mums are at the bottom of the pecking order, especially with a first time baby. You suffer the indignity of becoming public property in pregnancy and birth, the physical injuries you may have sustained. You are probably not sleeping, you may be relying on your partner's salary for the first time in your life, you are expected to become a general maid because you're not "working". In comes a MIL, making liitle jokes about DH giving you a "pay rise" being "concerned" that DH is working so hard and putting washing on etc.(yes I am projecting).

DH isn't your boss (and MIL by default), he does not get "equal say" in how you breastfeed and MIL certainly doesn't.

@Velvian

Oh come on, why is everybody kicking the op when she needs support? She needs back up that she is right to feed her baby to sleep and right that it is not a good idea to shovel any type of solids into a newly weaning baby.

DILs and mums are at the bottom of the pecking order, especially with a first time baby. You suffer the indignity of becoming public property in pregnancy and birth, the physical injuries you may have sustained. You are probably not sleeping, you may be relying on your partner's salary for the first time in your life, you are expected to become a general maid because you're not "working". In comes a MIL, making liitle jokes about DH giving you a "pay rise" being "concerned" that DH is working so hard and putting washing on etc.(yes I am projecting).

DH isn't your boss (and MIL by default), he does not get "equal say" in how you breastfeed and MIL certainly doesn't.

Everybody?

OK, so many . I was exaggerating that part.

Sorry but comments from mum’s and MIL are gonna happen, you just have to get over it/ignore and do what’s best for you and your child. (I breastfed to sleep all the time, nothing wrong with it at all).

I never let anyone tell me what to do with my own baby because I knew exactly what he wanted. I was only 21 when my son was born but would never have let anyone talk to me like that. Id have had the baby off her and given her a piece of my mind. Dont let these people bully you about your own child.

I fed all mine to sleep and in your shoes would tell people to eff off and leave you alone. In fact I did tell people to keep their unwanted advice to themselves, many times. The obsession some people have with trying to prove that formula or solids make your baby sleep better is quite sad. This baby is yours, not theirs, get that well understood now.

@Twigletfairy

Well I wouldn't leave your daughter screaming to prove a point.

I would take your daughter and pointedly tell your MIL to shut her trap as she obviously doesn't know the way to get her to sleep and she has obviously failed otherwise your daughter wouldn't still be screaming

This.

You can't leave a baby in distress - it's cruel

Take her, feed her - feed her until she falls asleep if that's what YOU want to do, and tell your MIL to mind her own damn business, this is YOUR baby, YOU know her best, YOU make the decisions and if MIL doesn't like it, that's fine, you'll bring DD back when she is about to start school so grandma can get a picture of her in her new uniform.

Bur seriously - fee your baby and get her settled, poor little thing.

Take Back Control!
I say this as a grandma who well remembers being a young mum.

Tell your MiL to stop interfering, and your DH to back you up not undermine you.

I hope your MiL doesn't live with you.

Unless you live with mil, I’d be restricting her visits-hello lockdown?!

She has no right, even if you do live with her, to comment on how you deal with your child. Every baby is different and nutrition/sleep advice has evolved. Tell her to jog on, it’s your child, not hers.

Breastfeeding isn't just for nutrition. It is everything for a baby. As long as you want to carry on feeding then you do so as and required for nutrition or any other reason. Former infant feeding advisor here.

You don’t ever need to let grandma do her thing – for why?; grandma can sit and swivel.

Feeding to sleep is fine! Some babies wake, some don’t; some babies can settle for anyone, some will only settle for boob. Doesn’t matter so long as you’re happy and getting enough rest; or can cope with knowing there’s light at the end of the tunnel eventually. How your baby sleeps is no one’s business.

@SendHelp30

I mean, we are in lockdown so it’s easy to not see her assuming you don’t live together?

There's always one.

I'm a Grandmother. Widowed. I'm in a bubble with my DD, SIL and GD.

Being nursed to sleep is a completely normal and healthy behaviour for babies. Breastfeeding isn't just for food, it's for comfort and for bonding and many many other reasons we have yet to find out.
Solids are simply for taste/texture/exploring and have no nutritional value for at least the first year or two of life.
You are doing everything right which makes MIL and DH look like nincompoops/rendering them useless. Give them a job like nappy changing or washing up. Idle minds and all that.

@saraclara there’s always one stating the fact we’re in lockdown? You’re in a bubble, lovely? Carry on! I didn’t mention bubbles?
My son has had treatment delayed for 6 months because his paediatrician and the others have been isolating on and off since May due to people still mixing like there’s no pandemic on. It does have an effect on people’s lives. I have no problem with people bubbling up.
I was giving the OP an excuse to not see MIL if she didn’t want to??

Why were you bowing down to the MIL’s demands in the first place? Why did you put that over the needs of your DD and your instincts as her mother?

Don’t get sucked into trying to please everyone OP - it never works.

There are some really unpleasant responses here. It's not always easy to take back control, especially if you are feeling quite vulnerable and having your confidence worn away.

Stick with the breastfeeding to sleep OP - I did exactly that with my 3 until they were around 2 when it became much easier to distract with a story at bedtime.

Just a thought - you might have an "interesting" nappy to deal with later, if your baby has just been fed with lots of porridge ...

Your body, your baby, you're the only one who's going to be in a position to know when feeding to sleep is no longer working for you and you want to do things differently.

Your baby, your rules.

Tell MIL to mind her own business, take your baby home, or ask MIL to leave. Or if you live together, take your baby, in your car to the nearest beauty spot to get some peace and settle your baby.

I once spent Boxing Day parked on the Ridgeway, with DS, the radio, a flask of coffee and a pack of mince pies. It was peaceful bliss.

Chocloc

I like your idea.

I can see you don't like my way, and that's fine, because I don't like yours either. But she's my child and I will be doing things my way.

Why is feeding to sleep bad? Does it stop grandma sleep overs??.

It’s not like she’ll be feeding to sleep at 16 is it?.

I do agree with pp though that what happened today should never happen again and your dh needs the riot act reading to him.

To the posters wondering why this sort of thing happens and why dh is spineless.. Why do you think?

We have a dominant, rude, disrespectful woman who believes her way is absolutely best. How do you think she raised her son?

What sort of men get raised by these types of mums and how does it play out... How does it play out when these men have babies?

Why are you with your mother in law at the moment? I think if she and your father in law are so intrusive I'd restrict to short visits and not let them feed her except under supervision.

I've no idea what you mean by 'failing a nap', don't babies just go to sleep when they feel like it? It's not a competition and at six months they often change their habits. She may just be excited to be the centre of attention to more than you and her dad.

If you want to feed her to sleep and she wants to sleep, do so. It's nobody else's business and the in-laws should not say, "It's not the way to do it", because there is no one set way. Tell them that, firmly!

Wtf are were they doing at your house in the morning anyway? I never even used to be dressed by then unless I was going out somewhere. Mornings were for peace (still are now I am retired).