To think "who the fuck do you think you are?"

[CrotchBurn]

Okay I need to rant its friday and I have done 3 x 10 hour days back to back, I need wine and to release my anger

FYI this isnt for when its friends or family.

It's about people calling you: banks, clients or colleagues, insurance wanting to check something, whatever.

Its 2020. I'm sorry if you dont like it, but when you call me, you are intruding. We have WhatsApp, we have email. I get instant notifications on my phone. When you call me, you drag me out of whatever I'm doing (working usually) to demand my attention.

If it's about my bank account then guess what? Use your fucking fancy messaging system on the platform I'm assuming that's what it's there for and that way you will have a record.

If it's about work, guess what? I'm fucking working right now. On something that doesnt have to do with you. So send me an email and wait your turn. It's not all about you. And again: I would prefer to have what you say in writing.

Ooh and by the way you know voice messages? Yeah I dont listen to those. So you chat away but just FYI I listen to my voice messages except I dont, I just dial in and then hit 3 or whatever it is repeatedly until they are all deleted.

So dont waste my fucking time and stop jostling into my personal space. Seeing the missed call icon on my phone puts me on edge. If you are bored during lock down and need a human voice then I suggest you call a relative or friend. I AM BUSY. Oh and also: please dont email saying "would it be possible to arrange a call to discuss?". It wouldnt actually, see above.

Am I abnormal to hate this this much??

@TonMoulin

Lol at arranging a phone call in advance. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that happening in RL unless there is an issue with time difference. Otherwise, people just... call.

Simple enough Text from friend "free for chat?" Text from me "give me 30 mins?"

Friend rings and we have a chat. Quite often a long one

If I could work out how to turn off voicemail I would!

Am I abnormal to hate this this much??

Yes. You are.

I am on call, one way or another, 24/7 (single parent to 3, student and own business).

I have to manage my stress levels. I have to decide when to switch off and I have also felt the same as you, OP. And you're angry because you're exhausted. Understandably.

I run the type of business which means that my clients have no compunction about phoning/texting/emailing at 10/11pm during evenings, and all weekend.

It has taken a lot of self reflection to understand that my choices determine my stress levels. I am self employed, so that's down to me.

If you are employed, you either need to get guidance from your management, or determine your boundaries yourself.

People will always call/email/text.

They are also just doing their jobs.

Boundaries are your friend. You cannot control whether someone chooses to contact you at times you deem inappropriate.

You CAN control how and when you respond.

Totally agree with you OP!

@CandyLeBonBon thanks for your post as I too am self employed but I feel much like the OP.

So how do you decide when to ignore clients/respond as I find it incredibly difficult too.

Because I also feel like if I don't deal with it now it's just one more thing to add to the list

OP I'm still laughing at your original post wandering if I wrote it myself in disguise 😂

@TonMoulin

Lol at arranging a phone call in advance. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that happening in RL unless there is an issue with time difference. Otherwise, people just... call.

Nope- only my dad calls without arranging and it’s a similar story with many people I know esp with friends or family who are going to be a while on the phone catching up

I answer very few phone calls. I would only pick up the phone if it was DC's school or their childminder and I would never answer if the number was unknown. I rarely listen to voicemails. I really only communicate with people via WhatsApp or old style texts in the case of a handful of people I know who don't have Smartphones. I do have prearranged calls with friends from time to time but I'm generally too busy for phone chit chat.

In true MN style I also do not answer if the doorbell rings and I'm not expecting a guest I hate people turning up unannounced

[quote hellymissy]@CandyLeBonBon thanks for your post as I too am self employed but I feel much like the OP.

So how do you decide when to ignore clients/respond as I find it incredibly difficult too.

Because I also feel like if I don't deal with it now it's just one more thing to add to the list [/quote]
Honestly it's taken a long time. But I remind myself tjat nobody REALLY wants a phone call at 11pm unless it's urgent.

A holding message, making your contact hours clear, and a bit of self discipline go a long way to making it bearable.

We all need to switch off. Good clients genuinely realise that. Those that expect you to jump the second they've sent a message even if it's 5 past midnight, will often (in my experience) be the the ones who cause the biggest problems.

Self discipline, self care and good boundaries are important. The likelihood is that if you're answering calls in your 'down time' then you're going to be angry and overwhelmed because you feel invaded and taken advantage of,

But all you've done is answered a call/email/text? You didn't have to. Tbf the power is with the receiver, not the sender.

I just appreciate that this question gives people a chance to have varying opinions re: YABU/YANBU. It seems like anymore the questions are usually, “My DH* has done a laundry list of unforgivable shite from ignoring the children to emotional affairs. AIBU to feel upset?” Or, “Someone else is being a complete arse. AIBU for thinking they’re an arse?” Or to be fair, you occasionally get the wild one that’s, “I have been a total monster. AIBU, because I know I’m not and will argue for ten pages?”

As for an answer, YADNBU to hate phone calls but YABU to expect the world to revolve around your personal dislikes. You could have Googled some solutions (it would have mentioned what PPs have said, like turn off voicemail or put voicemail message that says to text/email, or put phone on DND), and done them in the time it took you to make this rant probably. But I also realize it might just be effects of this week/month/year - you sound exhausted and at the end of your tether. Have a and try again tomorrow.

*I always assume D stands for dickhead in those posts.

If you're working turn your phone off
If it's a work phone answer it

Turn voice mail off. My answering service does voice to text. Preferable to listening to recorded messages.

I am suprised anyone wants to call you

3 x 10 hr days ... boo hoo cry me a fucking river

No idea how you have a job or any friends

When I have finished work for the day, I turn my work phone off, colleagues started to ring me on my personal number, about work related matters, that COULD & SHOULD wait, till the next working day. Now all colleagues are blocked on my personal phone.

3x 10 hour days? You realise that’s not unusual op. Get a grip.

Bless your cotton socks, sweetie you need some air followed by a glass of red. If nothing else go sit in garden with a tea on your break. I agree I hate it when cold callers bug me 😾 If i want to change my gas provider I will sort it myself and i certainly don't want or have time to do a bloody survey.

I agree that it is completely disrupting to be called during working hours for non-work stuff. I also have a lot of calls from who knows who (promotions, linkdin offers, hairdresser...etc) during working hours. I am constantly on work calls and it is really horrible if someone calls my mobile while I speak on skype or teams. I prefer if someone sends email and ask for a call if needed and then I can say yes or no, or delegate if it's work stuff and in any case arrange the call when it works for me. The calls on mobile during working hours should be only reserved for emergency situations.

oh dear, calm down calm down

@CrotchBurn

Okay I need to rant its friday and I have done 3 x 10 hour days back to back, I need wine and to release my anger

FYI this isnt for when its friends or family.

It's about people calling you: banks, clients or colleagues, insurance wanting to check something, whatever.

Its 2020. I'm sorry if you dont like it, but when you call me, you are intruding. We have WhatsApp, we have email. I get instant notifications on my phone. When you call me, you drag me out of whatever I'm doing (working usually) to demand my attention.

If it's about my bank account then guess what? Use your fucking fancy messaging system on the platform I'm assuming that's what it's there for and that way you will have a record.

If it's about work, guess what? I'm fucking working right now. On something that doesnt have to do with you. So send me an email and wait your turn. It's not all about you. And again: I would prefer to have what you say in writing.

Ooh and by the way you know voice messages? Yeah I dont listen to those. So you chat away but just FYI I listen to my voice messages except I dont, I just dial in and then hit 3 or whatever it is repeatedly until they are all deleted.

So dont waste my fucking time and stop jostling into my personal space. Seeing the missed call icon on my phone puts me on edge. If you are bored during lock down and need a human voice then I suggest you call a relative or friend. I AM BUSY. Oh and also: please dont email saying "would it be possible to arrange a call to discuss?". It wouldnt actually, see above.

Am I abnormal to hate this this much??

I leave my phone on silent. I hate phones and I hate conversing on them with people.

Leave.Me.Aloooone.

Girl after my own heart.

Telephones used to put in the hall of a home. They'd be on their cloth-covered twisty G.P.O. wire upon a table in the cold hallway near the front door.

This was to emphasise that a person who rang would be treated in the same way as a caller at the door: perhaps expected and welcome; or unexpected, unwelcome and forbidden from stepping into the home.

Through a cold telephone caller is human, and deserves to be treated with dignity, your wish not to talk to them is no more harsh than, say, you going to the bakery to find they've run out of your favourite bread. You've run out of space to talk to the cold caller and that's that.

Perhaps someone can tell me how to switch the ringer on my house phone off ?
The only meaningful calls I get are family, medical and one or 2 survey sites. I am fed up with people ringing up about investments in Bitcoin etc. Then the recorded messages I get supposedly from Amazon, eBay, etc.
@CrotchBurn - May I join you with a bottle of red wine or whatever you fancy ?

@Banj0girl

Perhaps someone can tell me how to switch the ringer on my house phone off ? The only meaningful calls I get are family, medical and one or 2 survey sites. I am fed up with people ringing up about investments in Bitcoin etc. Then the recorded messages I get supposedly from Amazon, eBay, etc. *@CrotchBurn* - May I join you with a bottle of red wine or whatever you fancy ?

I think on fancy schmancy new phones you can block calls etc? Although I mainly get that shite on my mobile - hardly anyone knows my landline as I never use it and rarely give it out (schools/medical for the dc etc)

If you don't want to be intruded upon, turn your phone off, put your lap top away, close the door to technology. Make the space and quiet that you want, it's very refreshing. And very easy. When you are in better mind then you can open up the barriers, and deal with it in a more positive way. I never take my phone with me if I am out for a walk anywhere. I can live happily without it.I unsubscribe to emails all the time. I keep my time uninterrupted.

YANBU and I totally agree.

I hope the wine helped.

Yanbu at all!!! My phone is on silent permanently. Unless it’s a pre-arranged call it is invasive and annoying. It’s usually someone trying to sell something anyway. Obviously family and friends excepted.

The worst is when companies ring you to play a recorded message about something! P**s off! If you insist on interrupting my day with your demanding, summoning bells at least have the decency to be on the end of the line in person when I'm polite enough to pick up!
Oooh that felt good.