To find that “I’m an empath” actually means I’m a complete attention seeker

[Covidchameleon]

Ok I’m being bitchy. And grumpy. But have seen this twice today used by completely people to completely justify being a drama queen.

To be fair in general - I tend to find that anyone who self proclaims them self as any personality type then tends to proceed to be irritating.

@theirtheretheyre sorry to hear you had such a shit friend with you at a difficult time.

@draughtycatflap

I’m a catpath. If there’s Dreamies I’m ‘there for you’ will allow you to luxuriate in my beautiful fur.

Otherwise you can watch my arsehole disappearing out the cat flap.

Haha you win the internet today!

Doesn’t it just mean you’re very empathetic and easily emphasise with other people?

Years ago, when I was single, I met a bloke in a pub. I liked him and exchanged numbers. Our first conversation on the phone was going well until he told me that he was a very deep person. Completely put me off as I thought only a self-absorbed idiot would declare himself "deep!"

@LionelRichTea, yes.

I can get overwhelmed with other people's problems, I start to fixate on solutions and they can affect me for hours after I've met them.

Most genuinely empathetic people don't announce their total inability to form emotional boundaries as it sounds 'wanky' and there are emotional vampires out there.

@Gingernaut I thought of this exact scene when someone mentioned emotional vampires

I've never heard this term before this thread. I'm filing it under the (to me) inexplicable need of many people under about 35 to form their identities based on labels and boxes. Rather than just understanding that we all have traits / strengths / weaknesses / preferences. A personality, we used to call it.
I'd also agree that anyone who centres themselves in other people's emotions and experiences is something, but empathetic it's not.

@Covidchameleon, 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@donquixotedelamancha

I had a friend who'd cry and suffer insomnia every time refugees were featured on the news.

Has she ever visited the Sistine chapel?

🏆

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Doesn’t it just mean you’re very empathetic and easily emphasise with other people?

No. Empaths think they can feel the emotions of those around them like they are their own. It makes being in a crowd very very difficult, don't you know. It is draining and exhausting as they are experiencing everyone else's pain. For some reason it never seems to be everyone else's joy...

@Alconleigh

I've never heard this term before this thread. I'm filing it under the (to me) inexplicable need of many people under about 35 to form their identities based on labels and boxes. Rather than just understanding that we all have traits / strengths / weaknesses / preferences. A personality, we used to call it. I'd also agree that anyone who centres themselves in other people's emotions and experiences is something, but empathetic it's not.

I know two self-declared "empaths" and they're both women in their 40s/50s.

@Hardbackwriter

Can I add to the list people who describe themselves as 'needing to put themselves first more'?

Definitely yes. This is selfish people putting you on notice that they intend to be extra selfish.

Had the term been around then, I’m sure Julia Davis’ magnificent monster, Jill, in Nighty, Night would have breathed those words at Doctor Don whilst his wife hammered on the front door and her husband lay in the cancer ward ...”The thing is Don, I’m an empath”

I can't remember who said this, but anyone that has to declare what they are, usually aren't.

@LightDrizzle

Had the term been around then, I’m sure Julia Davis’ magnificent monster, Jill, in Nighty, Night would have breathed those words at Doctor Don whilst his wife hammered on the front door and her husband lay in the cancer ward ...”The thing is Don, I’m an empath”

I can see it now!

"Now you're quite a tall lady, Jill"
"And I'm an empath too, thanks"

I have a family member who declares themselves an empath but literally cannot tell if I'm boiling with rage whilst stood next to them. yeah, sure Jan...

@OddHoleySocks

Maybe I haven't met an empath yet. I have met a few patronising people though

Are you suggesting my post was patronising towards you? It certainly wasn't intended that way, and if that's how it came across, I apologise.

@OddHoleySocks My apologies. I was being touchy. Clearly I could do with having more empathy!

People who describe themselves as 'like Marmite, you either love me or hate me'. You can guarantee I hate you

"I'm a really good listener" = "I love to gossip and anything you tell me will be public knowledge within an hour"

I'm 60 and totally agree with you!

It’s not that there’s anything wrong with being empathic.

It’s that there’s not much that’s empathic about imagining you’re the Only Person In The World who feels it when other people struggle. Thinking that because you’re feeling the feelings, they must be way stronger than the feelings other people are feeling.

That’s actually enormously and unpleasantly self-centred, and, of course, entirely deluded.

An ex friend watched Nelson Manderla's funeral on repeat and cried everytime. Such a strange woman! Complete emotional vampire as well and always the victim in an dispute.

I do know a couple of "empaths" or "very sensitive/emotional" people. They tend to be totally self absorbed and totally unaware of the issues of those around them. MIL being one of them.

I do, however, believe I am highly empathic and can read people well. This is not anything woo but is a result of a highly abusive childhood where I learnt to look out for micro-aggressions and changes in behaviour. I used to let other's behaviour affect me but due to working with victims of DV I had to learn to put my boundaries up. I've also never spoken to anyone bar my partner about this.

I feel easily overwhelmed by emotions, and if a friend is upset, internally I find it hard to deal with.

I think of it as a very negative trait. It means I can sometimes avoid upsetting or aggressive situations, I find boundaries difficult to manage, and I end up desperately problem-solving to try to resolve things (often internally, because I don’t want to bombard the friend with lots of ideas, and need to respect their space). At its worst, it gets so bad that I kind of have to turn off emotion because it’s too overwhelming.

It makes me feel guilty, it’s tiring and it makes it hard to be a good friend.

It’s no different to maybe being really over sensitive to smell, like when you’re pregnant, and so might end up avoiding some situations or struggling with the discomfort. It’s not some sort of gift, it’s just a reaction that’s stronger than is helpful.

(Following on from last post) Btw I’d never describe myself as an “empath”. I just have difficulty regulating emotions, and so feel them too much, including from others. I don’t think it makes me self absorbed, like some people say here, it’s the opposite. But it’s an imbalance and something I’m not proud of. We all have stuff to work on.