To find that “I’m an empath” actually means I’m a complete attention seeker

[Covidchameleon]

Ok I’m being bitchy. And grumpy. But have seen this twice today used by completely people to completely justify being a drama queen.

To be fair in general - I tend to find that anyone who self proclaims them self as any personality type then tends to proceed to be irritating.

It’s up there with the “I don’t mean to be rude, but...” people who come out with the most offensively rude things you are ever likely to have heard and think that their preface has excused their behaviour....

I am so empathetic, I will interrupt your story about you and make it all about meeeeeeeee!!!!

* IME, genuinely empathetic people don't usually broadcast it all over social media!*

^This with bells on.

Isn't everyone an empath unless they are phsych/sociopaths

It’s shorthand for ‘I can’t regulate my own emotions and have decided to pride myself on it’.

Yes! This with bells on it! And I'm sorry to those who are like this through abuse but this is what it is, the inability to regulate a perfectly normal human trait.
We all feel others emotions to an extent, think of when you're at a park and a kid falls over and starts crying, all the adults in the park will look sad and say some some variation "aw poor babe". Its how movies actually work, we feel the fear of the person in the horror movie, we feel the sadness of the girl who's best friend has just died. But we regulate that, and we dont make the person who is actually feeling that sorrow of a loved one look after us because we are feeling sorrow for them. We have the consciousness to recognise that that person is more important right now.

I also want to throw into the hat, if no one else has, Men who say they're a nice guy No he's not girl, get away from him.

If you’re going to throw around definitions of Borderline and other personality disorders, please make sure you start with a caveat as to whether this is a professional opinion.

Borderline types deal with emotional dysregulation, which means they can’t contain their feelings, and associated with that, they think everything is about them, or should be. A friend of my is Borderline, and she seriously thinks that every sad/bad thing that happens to anyone is her personal misery, and they should be looking after her. I really love her, and boy does she struggle, but it’s hard to listen to some times.

Someone who “feels too much”, and is too empathic is more likely to run from such a situation, rather than add to it and ramp up the emotions.

a couple of pps have already pointed out that child abuse/having seriously disordered parents can lead to this hypervigilance, which doesn’t have to be just about staying out of the way, being able to tell when a storm (temper) is coming. It can be so nuanced that they catch on before the perpetrator even realises they’re spoiling for a fight. Being able to tell when someone is sad at work even when they’ve got their game face on, and in a suit in a board room.

My autistic son has incredible awareness about people and their characteristics, freaks me out because he’s so quiet you don’t think he’s absorbing anything, and then he names the bad and the good and you think “fuck, I had only just realised they were bad news” and he’s already got them sussed. He describes is like this:

“I know I’m suppose to like Jane because she says xy and z, but there’s something else that means I’m not sure she really thinks that, and I wonder if she’s going to say something different to someone else. I feel really worried about saying the right thing to her”.

Neither he (or I), go around telling anyone we feel like this, or that we find emotional situations leave us raw, but we’ve both had plenty of people say things such as “omg, how did you KNOW that, I was just about to say that”, or similar. It’s not clever, it’s not amusing, it’s fucking annoying, and exhausting.

But feel free to brush everyone with the same fb/social media/narcissist crap.

Yanbu!

The only self described empath I know is crashingly unaware of anyone else’s inner life, and really can’t put herself in somebody else’s shoes unless she crams her own feet in there, too.

@lborgia

If you’re going to throw around definitions of Borderline and other personality disorders, please make sure you start with a caveat as to whether this is a professional opinion.

Borderline types deal with emotional dysregulation, which means they can’t contain their feelings, and associated with that, they think everything is about them, or should be. A friend of my is Borderline, and she seriously thinks that every sad/bad thing that happens to anyone is her personal misery, and they should be looking after her. I really love her, and boy does she struggle, but it’s hard to listen to some times.

Someone who “feels too much”, and is too empathic is more likely to run from such a situation, rather than add to it and ramp up the emotions.

a couple of pps have already pointed out that child abuse/having seriously disordered parents can lead to this hypervigilance, which doesn’t have to be just about staying out of the way, being able to tell when a storm (temper) is coming. It can be so nuanced that they catch on before the perpetrator even realises they’re spoiling for a fight. Being able to tell when someone is sad at work even when they’ve got their game face on, and in a suit in a board room.

My autistic son has incredible awareness about people and their characteristics, freaks me out because he’s so quiet you don’t think he’s absorbing anything, and then he names the bad and the good and you think “fuck, I had only just realised they were bad news” and he’s already got them sussed. He describes is like this:

“I know I’m suppose to like Jane because she says xy and z, but there’s something else that means I’m not sure she really thinks that, and I wonder if she’s going to say something different to someone else. I feel really worried about saying the right thing to her”.

Neither he (or I), go around telling anyone we feel like this, or that we find emotional situations leave us raw, but we’ve both had plenty of people say things such as “omg, how did you KNOW that, I was just about to say that”, or similar. It’s not clever, it’s not amusing, it’s fucking annoying, and exhausting.

But feel free to brush everyone with the same fb/social media/narcissist crap.

Thank you.

@DefinitelyPossiblyMaybe

YANBU, I'm pushing 60 now and have learned over the years that when anyone tells you what they are like, you can pretty much guarantee they are the opposite.

Very true!

@Nottherealslimshady - again, as well as being pretty unpleasant (how tedious to have to deal with people who have life long issues because of abuse!), but you’re confusing two very different things.

What you describe is not being empathic.

Ha, I know someone who believes they're an empath. They wish there was such a thing as an "empathy machine" so that everybody else could experience empathy the way they do. They don't work and cocklodge with their partner. They've also described themselves as an "alpha male" with no irony whatsoever. Also borrowed a large sum of money from me which took some persuading to pay back. Funny, I never actually experienced them being empathetic at all.

I think Russel Brand believes he's an empath....

@Stonecrop

Do you remember people who were ‘Emos’ and used to paint a tear on the side of their face?

I thought that meant you’d murdered somebody in prison

Someone upthread asked for the OED definition:

Originally Science Fiction.

A person or being with the paranormal ability to perceive or share the feelings or emotional state of another. Later also more generally: a person who can understand and appreciate another's feelings, emotions, etc. Cf. empathist n. 2.

The first usage they give of that latter sense - the one in this thread - is 1995 (being used to refer to Kurt Cobain)

This is making me laugh - despite thinking I’m one too. I don’t broadcast this though, or use it as something to carve myself out as being “special”. I’m pretty sensitive too (this may be some sensory processing issues)..

It’s a pain in the ass sometimes, as it comes with a fair amount of downsides that can lead to feeling overwhelmed a lot. My brain sometimes feels like it’s moving at ridiculous speed (wish it could do this with more useful stuff like fecking remembering non-uniform day/important dates etc).

Some of that sounds like being NT - I’m definitely not.

@Flowerblue

People who tend to be highly empathetic have sometimes been abused in childhood. Abused children have to be on extra high alert for anything which might harm them- they have to be extra good at tuning into the mood of their caregiver, picking up clues from face and body language. It’s a bit like being the deer in the herd that notices danger first. There’s nothing weird about it.

Agree with this. Not sure about the "empath" label but hyper vigilant and overly trying to read people, definitely.

@NaturesEnd

The self examination is absent as usual.

Yes it certainly is - but not in the way you seem to think.

I always thing anyone who has toattatch a label to themselves is sadly lacking one way or another....they often need the label to boost their confidence and justify to themselves their existance....I am the crazy one,I am the hip one,I am tthe sassy one..oh please give me a a break..you are just an insecure woman from accounts!!!!

I’m a puffalump.

I knew a really irritating woman who reckoned she "felt things more" than other people. Utter bollocks. How can feeling be measured between people, and compared? Attention seeking. That's what it is.

I find it a bit sad on these threads when people start claiming how boring they are. (Yeah, I'm probably taking this too seriously.) One of the great things about growing up and becoming less self-absorbed for me was (is?) discovering that, while I'm not as unique as I thought I was, other people are way more interesting.

Agree with pps who have pointed out that people who claim to be a personality type are usually the opposite. I had an acquaintance who proclaimed themselves to be off-the-wall the first time I met them. Was genuinely amazed that anyone would self-describe this way! Needless to say, not zany. Also known a few 'introverts' who struggle more than the average person with not being around other people all the time. One was a colleague who said she loved staying in hotels because she could lock herself away and not speak to anyone - I have quite literally never known anyone chat more!

• If you’re going to throw around definitions of Borderline and other personality disorders, please make sure you start with a caveat as to whether this is a professional opinion.

Borderline types deal with emotional dysregulation, which means they can’t contain their feelings, and associated with that, they think everything is about them, or should be. A friend of my is Borderline, and she seriously thinks that every sad/bad thing that happens to anyone is her personal misery, and they should be looking after her. I really love her, and boy does she struggle, but it’s hard to listen to some times*

Ironically (given your opening sentence) your post indicates that you have a narrow experience of one persons experience of borderline personality disorder but not a particularly well informed view of the diagnosis or concept overall.

^Borderline types
They think everything is about them, or should be
^
Are not very helpful or accurate statements.

(This is a professional opinion)

Not read all the thread as too much bitching but can't many of you see the behaviours you are slagging off, you are displaying? 'oh no, I'm not like that me'. And you must all be short of a brain cell or two if you think all empaths are the same.

I can read people very very well, it makes me a great people manager. I'm also one of the most stable people I know and am very private. I'm introverted and people exhaust me.

I can read people very very well, it makes me a great people manager. I'm also one of the most stable people I know and am very private. I'm introverted and people exhaust me.

Interesting. You say I’m displaying those behaviours yet manage to “I” into a paragraph four time’s and at least two self proclamations.

I can read people very very well, it makes me a great people manager. I'm also one of the most stable people I know and am very private. I'm introverted and people exhaust me.

I just don't think that anyone who is actually like this would describe themselves as such.

I can read people very very well, it makes me a great people manager. I'm also one of the most stable people I know and am very private. I'm introverted and people exhaust me.

Of course you are all of those things.