To be FURIOUS neighbour said DH was in a gang

[Mamatolilbear]

I am

last week DS (8) came home from school asking if 'daddy was in a gang'... obvs I said no (DH is security for a big office) but why did he think that. He said his friend from school, who lives below us in our block. Weird I thought but kids make stuff up right?

last night... I found out that the friend thinks my DH is in a gang because his MUM has been telling him that through lockdown and threatening that if he doesn't behave then 'xxx's dad who is in a gang will come and get him'. My DH. I am FURIOUS. Who the hell does she think she is??? Telling her DS that my DH is the kinda man whod hurt kids!!! DH thinks it's kinda funny but I think she's a CF. AIBU????

Also, if my DS heard it from school, who else now thinks his dad is in a gang? there are some problems with gangs and men who do drugs, small crime... here, but its not that bad on this estate.

Why would she think your DH is in a gang?

I'd be absolutely furious. I'd probably raise it with the school to see if they can help nip the rumours in the bud. It could start affecting your ds view of his father otherwise

That sounds awful. I would certainly have words with the school and the mother. One thing though don't go heavy handed- it maybe that the boy was making it up and the DM could be innocent.

I expected to think you were being daft
But actually, this is very poor

However - do not go in all guns blazing and some kind of cat fight.

I would either approach her if you have a relationship and ask if you could have a private word. And say how unhappy you are that your DH is being used in this manner. But ONLY if you have a civil relationship

If not, I would email the school. Right now.

@DickBastardly

Is it possible he could be in a gang but you don’t know about it?

Not the point. The point is a mother telling her child something about another’s child’s parent and “using” that parent as a form of threat

Is it possible he could be in a gang but you don’t know about it?

What the fuck?! How is that helpful??

You need to stay very calm and approach the school about this. Do not speak to the other mum. This needs to be nipped in the bud asap and the school will be able to support with this. Reassure your child that it’s obviously not true.

Have you checked that this is what she said? If your husband wears a uniform, I wonder if she's said he's a policeman and the kids have gone from that to a gang. I'd check with the adult before getting upset about it.

Honestly, children get all kinds of weird ideas about other children’s parents. If I had a euro for every time DS has come home from school with some mad idea he claimed one his his friends told him about either me or DH or his friends’ parents — like his friend’s dad was attacked by a polar bear (man does extreme marathons), another mother ‘helped drug dealers’ (legal aid lawyer) — I’d be rich.

Ugh, that's just another variation on telling your little one that the policeman will come and lock them up in prison if they don't eat their dinner - and thus instilling a lifelong fear of the police in them. Ridiculous, pathetic and unwise in the extreme.

@DickBastardly

Is it possible he could be in a gang but you don’t know about it?

Seriously?!

I wonder if she's said he's a policeman and the kids have gone from that to a gang.

That's kind of worrying logic for them to have, if that is the case.

Oh sorry that was a reply to @Jroseforever but it didn’t quote properly

Why is this a school thing? Your neighbour is the one who is out of line here but why is it the schools problem to sort for you?

I don't know whether to laugh or cry at the suggestion that some other schoolkid's mum knows for a fact that her child's friend's dad is in a gang but his own wife wouldn't have the faintest idea....

@DickBastardly

Is it possible he could be in a gang but you don’t know about it?

That's proper made me laugh that

Frankly, I could care less about the gang part if that and worry about the false stories that you DH would be involved with doing harm to young children.

That needs to be addressed.

@DickBastardly

But it’s no different if the dad was a doctor and the child was told “if you carry on doing X then you will fall and hurt yourself and Doctor Y will have to take you to hospital”. Yes, a more extreme version involving gangs as gangs are associated with being bad, but I understand where they were coming from. IF that’s what was said.

Surely when you reread this you can appreciate how silly

A doctor vs a gang member

A father treating you if you hurt yourself vs a father coming to “get you” if you’re naughty

It's not a threat telling a child that a doctor might have to take them to hospital to make them better again (albeit being stuck in hospital for a while would be rather boring for the child) - it's worlds apart from implying that an adult might actually beat your child up if they misbehave.

x-posted with Jrose.

At the moment you have a story told from one 7year old to another - the version you have is not necessarily the correct version and is likely at least to be an exagerated version of what happened

Start of by raising it civilly and calmly with the mother

Just tell your son the truth, do not assume his friend’s mother really said this