To be FURIOUS neighbour said DH was in a gang

[Mamatolilbear]

I am

last week DS (8) came home from school asking if 'daddy was in a gang'... obvs I said no (DH is security for a big office) but why did he think that. He said his friend from school, who lives below us in our block. Weird I thought but kids make stuff up right?

last night... I found out that the friend thinks my DH is in a gang because his MUM has been telling him that through lockdown and threatening that if he doesn't behave then 'xxx's dad who is in a gang will come and get him'. My DH. I am FURIOUS. Who the hell does she think she is??? Telling her DS that my DH is the kinda man whod hurt kids!!! DH thinks it's kinda funny but I think she's a CF. AIBU????

Also, if my DS heard it from school, who else now thinks his dad is in a gang? there are some problems with gangs and men who do drugs, small crime... here, but its not that bad on this estate.

@feathermucker

Is it possible he could be in a gang but you don’t know about it?

What the fuck?! How is that helpful??

:-)

Lol @CristinaYangsBrain that’s cracked me up.

I would probably ask their class teacher to have a quick word with the boy, if you don’t feel able to talk to him. He’s the one spreading the rumour regardless of what his mum’s said or not. It’s just a silly rumour that needs to be corrected and the consequences pointed out.

Am I the only one who finds it quite funny when parents use me as “that lady” who is cross or is about to tell their child off? I try to do a very very cross face at the child and then smile at them so they know it’s a joke.

@TheNewLook

If not, I would email the school. Right now

How is it any of the school’s business? Christ, I can’t even imagine the look on our head teacher’s face if I emailed her to say someone has accused my DH of being in a gang. 😂

I quite agree, a ridiculous idea to email the school. I would just have a word with the other child's mother informally - or else let it go!

i wish people wouldnt use the phrases you'll gt taken away or so and so dad will get you

i can still remember my dad saying the men in white coats will come and take you away if you dont behave ot petrified me and i can still remember how it felt

How do you know that the mum said this? Did I miss that bit?

I grew up in a big house with a large driveway and someone started a rumour it was a weird cult church and my dad was the leader. Dad was managing director of an IT company and not churchy at all. At least people won’t mess with you.

It’s actually defamation, also known as calumny, vilification, libel, slander or traducement and is a prosecutable crime itself.
Although it could be argued that since it’s told to a child it probably wouldn’t be considered as such, the OP could reasonably expect the perpetrator to tell the child that she made this allegation up, and apologise in front of that child to the OP’s family.

I would probably find this funny, unless there was a race angle to it.
I also hate parents threatening their kinds with strangers/the Police/santa though, it’s bloody lazy

Just ask her why. Wait until you're not angry though, you don't need to inflame a situation which could be explosive. Just ask her, and ask her not to do it any more.

Checking up on whether local children are behaving or in bed on time? Like wee willie winkie, but a gang of them? Does your DH often patrol the halls of your block with his friends wearing nightshirts and carrying candles OP?

Joking aside I don't think you are inappropriately concerned. A note to the school just in case it becomes an issue for your DS seems appropriate though I don't think I'd go round to the other flat all guns blazing.

It’s actually defamation, also known as calumny, vilification, libel, slander or traducement and is a prosecutable crime itself.
Although it could be argued that since it’s told to a child it probably wouldn’t be considered as such, the OP could reasonably expect the perpetrator to tell the child that she made this allegation up, and apologise in front of that child to the OP’s family

Do you think there are many prosecutions for silly things parents say about other families?

I think DickBastardly may be on the something. Is this your husband Op?

Meh, just ask your neighbour. DCs say lots of silly stuff and get mixed up. There's no need to be FURIOUS.
There's actually very rarely any need to be FURIOUS despite what the drama llamas on here say. I wonder how they make it through their days sometimes with the slightest issue being treated like a major incident.

Regardless of how it started, if a rumour gets around that your husband is in a gang it could cause problems. Mud sticks, I would definitely let people know that this isn’t true. Has your son told his friend it isn’t true?

Is this a racist thing?

I don't really get what there is to be furious about. She made something up to get her kid to behave, it's along the same lines as Father Christmas.

There's a difference between whether it's only the OP's DS the child has mentioned it to, or whether he's telling other children at school as well.

I don't, as I've said in a previous post, like parents creating a bogeyman as a means of disciplining their child. It's lazy and it's done to scare them. If the one who's saying OP's DH is in a gang has only said it to their DS, then yes, furious is probably OTT although I would be annoyed about it. But if he's spreading it round the playground it's more of an issue. If the other children tell their parents, what next?

@CristinaYangsBrain

You should tell her snitches get stitches and she better not say anything about your husband again.

Sorry nothing to add apart from agree with those that said talk to her about it and tell your son it's not true and silly.

Sounds like the old 'if you are naughty that policeman will take you away'

You're right it's disgusting. If you can speak calmly to the mum to make her aware how damaging this can be to children

I suspect she won't take any notice, but at least you've tried

When I was young, my mum used to tell me that she was going to phone the "jaggy jerseys home" to take me away on the very odd occasion that I was naughty. I'm sure this'll make some fellow Scots smile!

And OP, I'd just have a chat with your neighbour if I were you. Tell her if she makes any more of those remarks she'll be sorry.....

is there any reason she would use him to scare her son? is he big build or shaved head, lots of tattoos? Not that it excuses what she's said, just seems so bizarre.

I'd be fummin!

It's clearly bollocks but when you keep using words like 'kinda', I can see how they might have come to this conclusion. We're in the UK dear, not downtown L.A.

You need to speak to her and also to the school.

Teachers are obliged to raise any talk of criminal activity at home and once that ball is rolling it can be incredibly awkward.

What an absolute twat that mother is!!

It's clearly bollocks but when you keep using words like 'kinda', I can see how they might have come to this conclusion. We're in the UK dear, not downtown L.A.

'Kinda' is street talk that makes you sound like you're from 'downtown L.A.??!!!

Don't be so fucking ridiculous!!

I live in a very 'naice' village full of well educated high earners and 'kinda' is everyday language.

Unbelievable!!

Well, in that case I'd tell my kids that they better study hard in school lest they become a drug-dealing prostitute like that kid's mum... Only fair.