To be FURIOUS neighbour said DH was in a gang

[Mamatolilbear]

I am

last week DS (8) came home from school asking if 'daddy was in a gang'... obvs I said no (DH is security for a big office) but why did he think that. He said his friend from school, who lives below us in our block. Weird I thought but kids make stuff up right?

last night... I found out that the friend thinks my DH is in a gang because his MUM has been telling him that through lockdown and threatening that if he doesn't behave then 'xxx's dad who is in a gang will come and get him'. My DH. I am FURIOUS. Who the hell does she think she is??? Telling her DS that my DH is the kinda man whod hurt kids!!! DH thinks it's kinda funny but I think she's a CF. AIBU????

Also, if my DS heard it from school, who else now thinks his dad is in a gang? there are some problems with gangs and men who do drugs, small crime... here, but its not that bad on this estate.

@ktp100

It's clearly bollocks but when you keep using words like 'kinda', I can see how they might have come to this conclusion. We're in the UK dear, not downtown L.A.

'Kinda' is street talk that makes you sound like you're from 'downtown L.A.??!!!

Don't be so fucking ridiculous!!

I live in a very 'naice' village full of well educated high earners and 'kinda' is everyday language.

Unbelievable!!

Dearie me, you do seem rather defensive.

@ViciousJackdaw I've got no reason to defend the fact that you sound like an arsehole.

[quote ktp100]@ViciousJackdaw I've got no reason to defend the fact that you sound like an arsehole.[/quote]
Takes one to know one hun xxx

Hi all, thank you loads.... I had a think today and chatted to another mum who's a close friend, and me and DH think talking to DS's/friends teacher is a good idea, so I will tomorrow. DS's teachers a nice bloke and I think he'll know what to say/do.

I hadnt said this in my OP post but DS is Greek and over 190cm. Well built guy ().... dont think shes being racist, but maybe is actually stereotyping (or maybe she is being racist who knows)?? I found out about it bcos another mum who walks neighbours kid home text me, after kid had said same to her son, and she's asked the kid where hed heard that. So yeah, all rumours (but it adds up and why would she lie and then text me about it). grrr.

For those wondering... DH not in a gang! but it gave us a good laugh so cheers for that one

I didn’t for one second think he was in a gang😊.

I think it might be racist though - maybe unconscious but racist all the same.

It does need to be addressed, calmly. I am just worried about what will be said to your little boy, and while he knows his dad isn’t in a gang, he could start to feel there is something wrong/different about his dad.

Nip it in the bud now.

you should play her at her own game. tell your DS to tell her son that the only reason she knows this information is because shes the LEADER of the gang and make up a name for her like "Dirty Money".

Did you name change?

I don't think by the sounds of it that she actually thinks that - it's just some thing she's made up to bribe her son to behave, probably because he wears 'tough' looking clothing to work so thinks it might sound a bit credible. Doesn't sound like the child is terrified so I'm with DH in the quite funny camp. We had all sorts threatened to us as kids a famous non round here is being sent to the jaggy jumper home. No one was traumatised or had life long fears.

I also agree that the DD's story is likely to be different to what the mum actually said.

I still don’t understand why you want the teacher to sort this out. Just talk to her yourself!

Oh god don't go to the teacher. Imagine the conversation he'll have to have with the parent. 'Sorry but it's been reported you've been starting gangland rumours among 8 year olds' she's your neighbour, just let her know what her son has said and that you aren't happy if it's such a big deal. Even if she denies it it will hopefully put a stop to it.

"coming and getting" can be incredibly scary for a child - its an unknown and is open to interpretation each kids own worst fears.

For toddlers maybe. Most 8 year olds are well savvy to empty threats

@DickBastardly

Is it possible he could be in a gang but you don’t know about it?

do you make a thing out writing provactive responses on mn ? your user name has cropped up several times recently with resonses that have had others question your lack of empathy and being awkward / throwing a bun or two.

*responses.

@Ideasplease322 there are gangs of every colour, race etc. All in the UK too. So being in a gang is not a racist thing.

Oh that's horrible for you. I can't think what the mum was thinking telling her son that.

My only advice would be not to get in the ring over it, but it might be worth saying something as unconfrontational as possible. A bit like "Ds said the silliest thing the other day. I told him you'd never say anything like that. Not in a million years. Aren't they funny?"

Don't go to the teacher!

Is anyone seriously going to believe op's husband is a gangster?

Don't go to the teacher!

God, I can just imagine the chat in the staff room after that convo 😆

While this could be deemed as funny this is how rumours start and they stick and cause trouble . Before you know it someone blows a whistle and your sat with social services in your front room . Not so funny then is it . Speak to school politely tell them of your husbands profession let them know he has no gang affiliation and perhaps ask them to speak to this mum . Don’t get involved yourself it’s not worth it .

“ Don’t get involved yourself” That’s bonkers. If the OP is furious why expect other people to sort this out? It’s not the school’s responsibility..they didn’t start the rumour. I hate that mentality ..”something has really upset me but it’s not fair that others won’t sort it out for me”.

I would be furious about someone saying that.

Furious is an overreaction. It doesn't matter what shes said or the child has read into it. It doesn't make it true. It neednt affect you at all if you don't allow it to, so YABU

It’s great your OH can laugh that off (obvs as it isn’t true) but her silly passing comment in attempt to discipline her kids is actually pretty damming and offensive.

This isn’t nice for your son, so maybe just politely ask her not to say that. Aside from that it’s hilarious.

I just have a warped sense of humour. Find this very amusing. Just tell the woman to stop saying it. Invite the kid for tea.