To be FURIOUS neighbour said DH was in a gang

[Mamatolilbear]

I am

last week DS (8) came home from school asking if 'daddy was in a gang'... obvs I said no (DH is security for a big office) but why did he think that. He said his friend from school, who lives below us in our block. Weird I thought but kids make stuff up right?

last night... I found out that the friend thinks my DH is in a gang because his MUM has been telling him that through lockdown and threatening that if he doesn't behave then 'xxx's dad who is in a gang will come and get him'. My DH. I am FURIOUS. Who the hell does she think she is??? Telling her DS that my DH is the kinda man whod hurt kids!!! DH thinks it's kinda funny but I think she's a CF. AIBU????

Also, if my DS heard it from school, who else now thinks his dad is in a gang? there are some problems with gangs and men who do drugs, small crime... here, but its not that bad on this estate.

I'd be absolutely incensed. HOWEVER, I would not approach the mother until I was positive that I could approach her both calmly and rationally. And I might approach it from the standpoint of, "I need your help. Somehow your child has gotten the idea that my DH is in a gang. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, he works security. He'd be devastated to learn that a child was afraid of him based on an unfounded rumor!" DO NOT MENTION that you know that SHE told the child that. Wait and see her response.

Why has it got anything to do with the teacher? Why the need for the drama?

To people really complicate things this much in real life or is it just on here?

I havent read all the comments but I will ask this from experience. Is your husband POC?

My husband is black and he's a security officer as well so a bit on the bigger side. He did martial arts for years and has a slight cauliflower ear, plus shaves his head cause he can't be bothered with hair daily. The amount of times we've been followed in stores is crazy

Is anyone seriously going to believe op's husband is a gangster?

Well, she's posted on this thread with two different usernames - which is the MN equivalent of having two separate mobile phones - which is EXACTLY the sort of thing that gangsters would do....

Is it possible he could be in a gang but you don’t know about it?
This is the best thing I've read on mn for awhile!! It really made me laugh and now I've got the song 'do you want to be in my gang in my head!!'😂😂

YANBU but leave the school out of it: this drama is nothing to do with them.

How you deal with it depends on your relationship with this woman.

Simply tell you DS to tell his friend that he has told his mum what's been said because it's untrue and mum is very cross and is currently deciding what to do about it.

If it has come from the child only he will think twice, if it's come from the mother the child will undoubtedly tell her and SHE will think twice: if you don't have a relationship with this woman you have the advantage as she doesn't know what SHE could be dealing with.

It's all relative though: if it was me I would send DH over to ask her why she is spreading lies and inform her of his actual job and to kindly keep her fairy tales to herself, but that's how I roll.

It is quite common in some cultures to make someone the bad person in order to discipline one's child (my parents did this to me and got to say, at that age - it really works) and it might have been the case that your husband fitted some imaginative story your neighbour had (think along the lines of shorter/longer hair, a tattoo or simply for seeing him at the right time in her story).

Normally, the villain would be an elderly who didn't age gracefully or someone who's single - usually male as they make better examples - but depending where you live and how well you know your neighbours, sometimes, you just don't know any better.

All this being said, if it was me, I'd wait until I've calmed down and invited the neighbour over for a chat because of what your son has heard. I'd explain what your son has heard and from whom all while at school. Give her the chance to explain her side of the story (hopefully she won't feel threatened and explain her reasoning). If her side of the story is that she just needed a bad guy and your husband fit her story, I'd understand but kindly ask her to change her story as you're trying to avoid misunderstandings with other parents/school staff and hopefully, this would solve the situation.
If you think this was taken much further than your son's knowledge, I'd also say you'd like to let the school staff know about this incident just in case other children have heard about this in order to enable them to settle other parent's concerns over your husband.