Am I the CF????

[Misskittyfantastico85]

I've just been accused by my MIL of being a CF (not in so many words)

Just as a bit of background, my in laws always live on the bread line, my MIL has never worked because she was always too busy raising children, they never used to have any spare cash and always used to buy secondhand where she could. Around five years ago, they inherited a large sum of money and it's been amazing watching them spend it. They were offered the chance to buy their council house and they could have bought it outright, but declined because then they would be left with no spare cash.

Myself and DH bought our house 15 years ago and PIL kept advising us against it in case something went wrong with the boiler or we needed a new kitchen or something.

Last year, my DH was diagnosed with cancer. He was always very very slim, but within the last few months due to all of the medications and a hernia, he has bloated and he has gone from a 32 waist to a 34 and now a 36. Hes never been fussed with clothes and has worn the same jeans and trousers for years. Today he mentioned that hes starting to feel uncomfortable and could do with some new trousers as he has none at all that fit him.

Someone in a local community Facebook group started a thread of 'what do you need that you cant afford' it was a long running thread where people were listing the things that they need and others within the community were offering these things if they were getting rid of. So I posted and asked if anyone was getting rid of some size 36 trousers.

Within a few minutes, MIL had obviously seen the post and phoned me to say she would buy him some trousers and that she couldnt believe I was scrounging from strangers on facebook. I explained that within a few weeks/months he may not need the bigger size as he will have come off the medication, but she said that I was being a CF asking for things that we could afford but dont want to. She said it's all about priorities. I was a bit put out that she said that because my priority is looking after DH and Dd and making sure we can afford the necessities. I understand clothing is essential, but new clothing isn't.

My DH agrees with me and was very grateful for 2 pairs of trousers from a neighbour.

So, am I being a CF for asking for something we need but cant afford, when we could actually afford it but choose to spend our money on essentials??

One of the concepts I've retained from my very Christian days is "responsible stewardship". It means considering yourself a custodian of the things in your care, not just an owner. So you have to think about what is funded by the money you spend, and the lifespan of things you own. Giving things away where they will get used helps with this.

Similar concept to reduce, reuse, recycle, but with different marketing!

I’m all for reusing and recycling and buying second-hand...but the post was explicitly for people who needed things they couldn’t afford.

If money is tight and buying a pair of trousers for your dh is a problem, then you are certainly not bring unreasonable 💐

If money isn’t tight then I would be uncomfortable with accepting something under false pretences - the post was for people in need who can’t afford to buy necessities, and the giver will have assumed those were your circumstances.

YANBU. Hope your MIL would be more understanding eventually. Wish your DH a speedy recovery!

There is a new Freecycle page that has popped up in our large village. Not for one second have I thought that anyone is scrounging. Surely it's passing on stuff to people who want it?
Mil sounds bonkers

If I had good quality clothes and I knew a caner patient could do with them I would be happy to give them away. The reality is that you might have gone from a 2 income household to having 1 income. I know families were one member had cancer and they had a lot of expenses back then.

The reality is that your husband needs to feel comfortable at the moment and in the middle of a lockdown you can't buy trousers in Primark or get them in a charity shop.
I feel that your mil is worried about what people are saying about you doing this when she came into a large sum of money. Also in the past she thought buying your house was a bad idea but you still did this.
Rather than buy her council house she has chosen to spend her lump sum after years of not having much.
I hope your husband makes a full recovery. I hope you all have a nice as Christmas as possible after all you have been through this year.

Her term of scrounging shows that's what she did before coming into money, when she actually could have afforded things but chose not to.

Always odd when people accuse others of what they themselves are doing/have done