Am I the CF????

[Misskittyfantastico85]

I've just been accused by my MIL of being a CF (not in so many words)

Just as a bit of background, my in laws always live on the bread line, my MIL has never worked because she was always too busy raising children, they never used to have any spare cash and always used to buy secondhand where she could. Around five years ago, they inherited a large sum of money and it's been amazing watching them spend it. They were offered the chance to buy their council house and they could have bought it outright, but declined because then they would be left with no spare cash.

Myself and DH bought our house 15 years ago and PIL kept advising us against it in case something went wrong with the boiler or we needed a new kitchen or something.

Last year, my DH was diagnosed with cancer. He was always very very slim, but within the last few months due to all of the medications and a hernia, he has bloated and he has gone from a 32 waist to a 34 and now a 36. Hes never been fussed with clothes and has worn the same jeans and trousers for years. Today he mentioned that hes starting to feel uncomfortable and could do with some new trousers as he has none at all that fit him.

Someone in a local community Facebook group started a thread of 'what do you need that you cant afford' it was a long running thread where people were listing the things that they need and others within the community were offering these things if they were getting rid of. So I posted and asked if anyone was getting rid of some size 36 trousers.

Within a few minutes, MIL had obviously seen the post and phoned me to say she would buy him some trousers and that she couldnt believe I was scrounging from strangers on facebook. I explained that within a few weeks/months he may not need the bigger size as he will have come off the medication, but she said that I was being a CF asking for things that we could afford but dont want to. She said it's all about priorities. I was a bit put out that she said that because my priority is looking after DH and Dd and making sure we can afford the necessities. I understand clothing is essential, but new clothing isn't.

My DH agrees with me and was very grateful for 2 pairs of trousers from a neighbour.

So, am I being a CF for asking for something we need but cant afford, when we could actually afford it but choose to spend our money on essentials??

Huh, it’s not scrounging if you ask if anyone has some second hand trousers that they don’t need. I’m trying to get rid of kids clothes at the moment and they may end up in the tip if I can’t find homes for them. So you are doing the giver and the planet a favour.
We can afford new clothes but often get second hand things from friends or neighbours and vice versa. Surely it’s just common sense.

Its not scrounging and given the reasons why your dh needs them your mil is being a dick

YANBU at all! It’s much better to get temporarily required items on loan or second-hand rather than spending lots of money on new! That’s why, after losing a lot of weight recently, my DH gave away 6 pairs of now-too-large jeans to the charity shop.
This had 2 benefits: it reinforced his determination to keep the weight off, and he felt good that the clothes were not being wasted and would help someone else out.
Wishing you and your DH well, OP💐

Christ on a bike! Your MIL, and a few pps here, are utterly bonkers!

Had I read your request on FB I would have happily helped you out. That's wehat such pages are for! It really doesn't matter what your finainces are like. Recycling, saving stuf fromt he bin and helping out others is the point! Not shopping for cheap new shit from Primark (I do hope that poser was being sarcastic!).

@GreenlandTheMovie as Gammy said, I suspect ypu are now in contact with people you wouldn't meet at home! There is little in your post that is not insulting and at odds with how I, and most people I know, live!

@NeonGenesis Agree with you about having an "Am I The CF?" topic.

How about it, @MNHQ?

It's just self pride Curious. The OP and her DH can still afford to clothe themselves and to buy essentials. Trousers are an essential. But to actually ask for free trousers. Wouldn't be noticable if someone was offering them and they dm'd.

And before I get accused of it, as no doubt I will on here, its nothing to do with how rich or poor you are. Many people who have barely two sticks to rub together would be mortified to ask on Facebook for clothes.

Of course you're not, she sounds a bit snobbish about taking second hand clothes more like

Ah, I see it's now changed and the OP never intended to get them free at all.

I still think it's a huge bother to go to rather than nipping down to the supermarket.

Yanbu. I don't know wtf is wrong with some of the other posters. Nothing wrong with what you're doing at all. Reduce, reuse, recycle.
Not sure what the relevance of the council house backstory is though.

NOT a CF at all ,

Better for the environment , community and your wallet!

I'm all for sharing and re purposing clothes

@DimidDavilby

YANBU. If someone would get rid of them anyway you are just saving them from landfill. It's not like you started a gofundme!

Given the other things you have to worry about I'd have told her to piss off. People can be very funny abut keeping up appearances though.

Yup.

It'd only be unreasonable if the person who gave them to you had to pay for them. Chances are they'd have gone in the bin (I doubt even charities are taking clothes at the moment thanks to the lockdown) if you hadn't taken them, and fuck me, your poor DH sounds like he's been through enough, so if he's not worthy of a bit of help from a kind neighbour then I don't know who is!

@DickBastardly

You can’t afford one pair of jeans, even a cheap primark pair, without scrounging off Facebook?

Thanks for ruining the countryside with landfill and waste tips.

You are not CF at all and I wish more people would do this.

@onlyfortonight

Sounds fine to me...reusing part of the precious and finite resources this planet has is actually to be lauded.

This 1000 times. It doesnt matter if you can afford them or not, if someone has pairs and they are probably otherwise going to end up in a dump, then absolutely you should take them.

I am comfortably off financially yet I regularly take school uniforms and other clothes from friends and have often passed on school uniforms/clothes to others. Its not about being able to afford it in my opinion, its about reducing waste and being practical.

Maybe its because you posted on a FB thread asking what you needed but couldn't afford? I dont think asking for second hand clothes is an issue in itself but maybe she thought you were saying you couldn't afford clothes, when I fact you can but choose not to?
But I dont know your financial position cant really comment further than that

So maybe you MIL thought a family who couldn't actually afford clothes might be deprived, I dont know

Oh, op, no, yanbu at all. My very best wishes to your DH .

YANBU.... Its sensible to ask others and you have quickly received from a neighbour and when you no longer need them you'll pass them on.

Buying just because you can isn't big or clever...... Reduce, reusue, recycle (I know not alwssy practical but I think you are absolutely not a CF)!

YANBU mil is been a dick and obviously has forgotten what it’s like to be short of cash. Ignore her for your husbands sake. Hope your husband is ok 💐

YANBU at all, I think we may live in the same area as a group I'm in has just done this. It's good to be able to help people and not CF at all. Best wishes for your DH

Also what does cf mean ? 🤭

@SheSaidNoFuckThat does it mean cheeky fucker 😊 honestly that’s the only thing I can think of, which the op isn’t at all.

Thank you so much everyone for your replies. It really got me down at the beginning of the week, but from reading the comments on here, I have tried to see things from her point of view too.
I dont feel so bad about it now.

Good for you, OP, for not buying cheap crap and for igniting your MIL’s snobbishness. When you reuse something, you help everyone else. Best wishes for your DH’s recovery.