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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I the CF????

156 replies

Misskittyfantastico85 · 09/11/2020 22:38

I've just been accused by my MIL of being a CF (not in so many words)

Just as a bit of background, my in laws always live on the bread line, my MIL has never worked because she was always too busy raising children, they never used to have any spare cash and always used to buy secondhand where she could. Around five years ago, they inherited a large sum of money and it's been amazing watching them spend it. They were offered the chance to buy their council house and they could have bought it outright, but declined because then they would be left with no spare cash.

Myself and DH bought our house 15 years ago and PIL kept advising us against it in case something went wrong with the boiler or we needed a new kitchen or something.

Last year, my DH was diagnosed with cancer. He was always very very slim, but within the last few months due to all of the medications and a hernia, he has bloated and he has gone from a 32 waist to a 34 and now a 36. Hes never been fussed with clothes and has worn the same jeans and trousers for years. Today he mentioned that hes starting to feel uncomfortable and could do with some new trousers as he has none at all that fit him.

Someone in a local community Facebook group started a thread of 'what do you need that you cant afford' it was a long running thread where people were listing the things that they need and others within the community were offering these things if they were getting rid of. So I posted and asked if anyone was getting rid of some size 36 trousers.

Within a few minutes, MIL had obviously seen the post and phoned me to say she would buy him some trousers and that she couldnt believe I was scrounging from strangers on facebook. I explained that within a few weeks/months he may not need the bigger size as he will have come off the medication, but she said that I was being a CF asking for things that we could afford but dont want to. She said it's all about priorities. I was a bit put out that she said that because my priority is looking after DH and Dd and making sure we can afford the necessities. I understand clothing is essential, but new clothing isn't.

My DH agrees with me and was very grateful for 2 pairs of trousers from a neighbour.

So, am I being a CF for asking for something we need but cant afford, when we could actually afford it but choose to spend our money on essentials??

OP posts:
Calmandmeasured1 · 09/11/2020 22:59

What did your MIL actually say to you?

ApplePie86 · 09/11/2020 23:00

What's a CF? Hmm

MadCattery · 09/11/2020 23:01

In the States, we call that a swap meet, only you’re doing it on Facebook instead of in person. My DH went through cancer and I know that sizes may change and then go back. Great that you were able to recycle something that someone else obviously couldn’t use. And you shouldn’t have to apologize for being thrifty, when so many people shop for too much and charge it to credit cards.

Welshmaenad · 09/11/2020 23:02

Christ, it's not like you were asking for a free Nintendo Switch. Im sure you will pass them along when no longer needed, and I'm also sure that when one of the wage earning adults in the household has cancer, buying new trousers for temporary wear isn't really a priority.

I hope your DH is feeling better soon, it sounds like you have a lot on your plate.

Original poster
Misskittyfantastico85 · 09/11/2020 23:02

What did your MIL actually say to you?

She said I shouldn't be scrounging for clothes on FB and that I was cheeky to ask

OP posts:
workhomesleeprepeat · 09/11/2020 23:04

It’s no CF to accept items that ppl would give away for free! Ignore the bitchy posters. Much better to receive second hand rather than create more landfill buying Primark trousers that as you say, he might not need after too long

WayTooSoon · 09/11/2020 23:09

It's fine. People WANT the stuff out of their house. I'd much rather get second hand clothes than see things end up in landfill.

Buying cheap from primark when you know you'll most likely dispose of them in a few weeks would be environmentally and ethically questionable imo.

Calmandmeasured1 · 09/11/2020 23:19

Ha - Totally forgot that charity shops are shut. I blame it on not going out so not noticing.
I can understand your MIL saying that if she thinks you can afford clothes. You should just tell her that you have to go without other essentials to afford clothes.

Ideasplease322 · 09/11/2020 23:22

You are having a really rotten time and I think your mil should be linger. But she is also very worried about her son, so maybe this was a stress related lapse of judgement.

I think it’s great you were able to get some second hand trousers. My only slight issue is whether epoepl gave them to you because they thought you couldn’t afford a new pair. I’m not sure for your posts whether that’s the case, or you just didn’t want to spend the money

PutYourHeadscarfOnNorma · 09/11/2020 23:23

@DickBastardly

You can’t afford one pair of jeans, even a cheap primark pair, without scrounging off Facebook?Hmm
I'd rather "scrounge off Facebook" than support Primark, who are hardly known as a caring employer, and who sell throwaway crap to people who don't realise they're being had.

Facebook is recycling by another name.

Ideasplease322 · 09/11/2020 23:24

Kinder not linger🙄

TheDowagerDuchess · 09/11/2020 23:28

Sounds fine to me too! You seem to be much better with money than your ILs!

overnightangel · 09/11/2020 23:28

Well don’t you sound just lovely @DickBastardly Confused Biscuit

user1496146479 · 09/11/2020 23:30

@DickBastardly

You can’t afford one pair of jeans, even a cheap primark pair, without scrounging off Facebook?Hmm
That's it, create more pointless waste, rather than passing on/reusing! Hmm Earth is doomed
Serin · 09/11/2020 23:30

You are not a CF but your in laws might be.
If their plan is to spend their cash now and let the tax payer pay for future care needs then she is the CF.

WillSantaBeComingToTown · 09/11/2020 23:32

@DickBastardly

You can’t afford one pair of jeans, even a cheap primark pair, without scrounging off Facebook?Hmm
Primark is closed in England.
Cheesypea · 09/11/2020 23:33

Just ignore her op. Mil seems to hold a traditional view that second hand clothes are shameful.

EatTheHamTina · 09/11/2020 23:38

@DickBastardly

You can’t afford one pair of jeans, even a cheap primark pair, without scrounging off Facebook?Hmm
Your username suits you perfectly.
saraclara · 09/11/2020 23:40

To be fair to MIL, it might be that it's the bit about "can't afford" that she didn't like, rather than second-hand clothes themselves.

Personally I'd love someone to ask for some of the stuff I need to get rid of. I've already offered some of it free on FB and got no takers. But yep, the title of the FB thread has probably worked against OP in her MIL's eyes.

Audreyseyebrows · 09/11/2020 23:43

Christ! I only wear second hand. Not because I’m a scrounger or can’t afford new but because I can!
Dead against bloody primark! Scabby cheaply made rubbish.

Lightsontbut · 09/11/2020 23:44

Not at all. Apart from anything else you were protecting the world's resources which is never a bad thing.

ArcheryAnnie · 09/11/2020 23:51

If there's already a conversation on FN about what people need that others might have to give away, what you did was the obvious, sensible move. It makes no sense to buy brand new clothes that may only be used for a very short time.

I think your MIL is just worried about appearances - but she needn't be. If you need to "sell" it to her as an eco act, that might help. (And it IS an eco act!)

Gregariousfox · 09/11/2020 23:54

It's not scrounging. I always feel relieved to pass on things I don't need any more as I hate things going to waste. Your neighbour will undoubtedly be pleased to help. Absolute win-win. Your MiL is being ridiculous.

BrummyMum1 · 10/11/2020 00:00

Regardless of your income it’s environmentally friendly to use things that others don’t need. I often buy second hand when I could afford new. Your MIL is projecting her own financial insecurities onto you.

Strictlysilly · 10/11/2020 00:06

Yanbu, she is. Nothing wrong for accepting some help. Hope your husband is on the mend now