Who is being unreasonable - taking away music because of lack of reading.

[Teachmuggles1419]

Hey ! My daughter is 6 she is very musical, a passionate drum player, teaching her self to play piano and guitar.
She tends to be pretty tutus/ dresses with band T-shirts and dr martens and bright coloured socks with leather jackets etc her music taste sort of random. She dives between things like Dolly Parton / Elton John / jovi / goo goo dolls / artic monkeys / guns and roses.
She tends to sway more to listening to music / watching music videos than to watch tv and movies.
She is not academic and hates to read. Here is my issue she does struggle with her school work and she really struggles with reading.
My dsis thinks that I should be restricting her music and using it as a form of punishment when she is “ whining “ about not doing her reading / homework.
She will sit and draw / paint and design dresses etc but will not without drama, read and write or engage with homework and they struggle with her at school to participate ( she does participate in maths and art )
She practices her music every day ( we can no afford music lessons here ) so she uses you tube for lessons.
Is it fair to remove the practising her music as punishment ?
I just can’t bring my self to do it.

Have a look at this www.readingrockets.org/article/music-stories

If you want to try to get her to the levels school wants you could try reframing the literacy through music. That is a lot of work for you though. The trouble with UK schools (are you in the UK? I don't know about other countries) is that there isn't a lot of room for individual learning styles.

On the other hand, she is now healthy, has had a tricky early childhood, and she has a passion for something. You might prefer to focus on that for a while and remember that in some countries children don't even start school until 7.

Reading is a skill for life and an essential one. Don't overdo it but it should come first.

A good tutor can work wonders by the way, and the earlier the better!

@Poppyismyfavourite

A good tutor can work wonders by the way, and the earlier the better!

Yes, if you can find a really good one and afford to pay.

Your sister is wrong and horrible. The two are unconnected. And in any case, a carrot is much more successful than a stick any day.

How the fuck is ANY 6 year old 'academic' tbf ? Lol
The reading will come in it's own time.
Chances are, music might be her career path anyway and the majority of the school work will be of sod all use to her.

@MrsMiaWallis sadly you're right. A lot of kids would benefit from a little extra help!

Could you find some age appropriate books that are linked to music or dancing. She can always have music on in the background.

Did your dsis really say take the music away to punish her? Or did she mean encourage her to do homework first then do the music (which I would totally support tbh)

The fact that you've felt the need to describe what your dd wears makes me wonder if you are very invested in her being "creative" , which is lovely but reading is very necessary.

Kid who gets music will read when they're ready. Six is so, so young. UK push kids far too early anyway. Let her do her music.

Never ever ever punish creativity! Not everyone is born to be an aspiring academic. This entire possibility makes me so very sad. You will only create resentment.

@SnackRussell

Never ever ever punish creativity! Not everyone is born to be an aspiring academic. This entire possibility makes me so very sad. You will only create resentment.

Being able to read and write fluently is hardly "academic"

This was me as a child. Please nurture her music. Get her piano lessons! I was not very acedemic at school but excelled in music and ended up getting grade 8 piano, grade 7 violin and a music degree.
It’s a life long love and when she is older there are careers to use it in.
Please get her proper lessons though to read music and learn all about the theory. I started piano lessons aged 5 as have all of my children

Your daughter sounds brilliant, I wish I could teach myself music, or even have the motivation to learn. If things ever get more "normal" you might want to think about enrolling her in Brownies (once she is seven). There tends to be "accidental" reading or writing during meetings, like following instructions, making lists etc but she would be supported if she struggled, a leader may be able to help her in a different way to a teacher. Joining in with the other girls who are reading as part of fun rather than as lessons might encourage her, and more confident girls may also help her learn. I don't know if Scouts or other children's groups are similar. She'll be fine, good luck

I have a very musical but not academic child - I struggled for years to get the school to understand that just because she could get full marks in music didn't mean she was being lazy when she scraped a C in other subjects... Interestingly she also has very sensitive hearing.

I also used to teach music from this age upwards (singing and theory) so think that spending time with her on learning to read music may well help with the maths and reading. Doing music based worksheets (lots on line) may help her to see work sheets in general as less of a drag.
You do need to persevere with the reading but do not take the music away. Can she read musical notation - ie recognise a G on the stave? If so perhaps just work for a couple of weeks with the letters of the scale - A-G - getting her to read words from these letters and plot them out on the Stave? And then vice versa? Perhaps also buy her a few books that are specifically aimed to introduce children to music like

www.waterstones.com/book/wild-symphony/dan-brown/susan-batori/9780241467916
www.waterstones.com/product/how-to-build-an-orchestra/mary-auld/elisa-paganelli/9781526309839

This is a good book to explore together
www.amazon.co.uk/Childrens-Book-Music-Dk-DK/dp/1405356855?tag=mumsnetforu03-21 - I think I might have an outgrown copy somewhere you can have.

You could also ask about your local authority's music service - many start at year 2 and are working online at the moment.

If you PM me and tell me where you are I could have a look for you and perhaps send you some links to online resources that might help combine music and maths/reading.

Some books she might enjoy:
Cost of Many Colours
Puff the Magic Dragon
Twelve Days of Christmas
We're going on a bear hunt.

Maybe for when she's a bit old:
Dolly Parton Word Search
Elton John Word Search

40 singalong songs - this is an American site but you might be able to get some of these books here.

Interesting article: www.pix11.com/news/local-news/brooklyn/breaking-barriers-brooklyn-girl-12-is-one-of-the-youngest-composers-for-ny-philharmonic?_amp=true

Okay, so she (and you!) have had an incredibly challenging start in life and she has missed virtually all of the schooling her peers have had, as well of course as missing on all the pre-school experiences, from Nursery and playgroups to just playing at home. SPending that long in hospital must have been draining for you all

If I have read it right though, she is now (relatively) well, but at home because she is shielding ?
She seems not to have any difficulties with her cognition, but obviously hasn't had the chance to start with all her peers, so you, as her Mum would like to help her, so that when she is able to go back to school, she is on her way to begin to catch up with where her peers are ?

In which case, I think I would explain to her that it is a school day, and that you and she will be 'doing school' at home. I'd structure it to some extent. But short sessions. Start off by picking up Joe Wicks PE on You Tube from the last lockdown. Then have your 'timetable' - some of which will be just 10 min slots - yes, include

• some pre-reading skills,
• include something to do with number,
• include something to do with more 'practical maths' (cooking, playing in water, sorting, ordering, using language to do with size and comparison),
• do something to do with pre-reading skills - both fine motor fun and also "structuring language" (ie, she makes up a story and you write it down)
• do music
• do art
• do things like simple jigsaws

If you want ideas for fun things to do, ask away, there are lots of folks on here who will happily help you.

@Teachmuggles1419

Thanks for all the ideas I got some of those young mind books and dc hero books as she likes dc hero’s. I also bought worse witch to read to her and she likes the tv show.

The school are a bit stuck at the moment because obviously online education is not what it was in the first lockdown as only a few children are off school so they are in classes. She has a learning pack ( work sheets )

DfE directives require them to have proper online education in place and other schools are managing it. I'd seriously question why they can't do better.

If you want her to learn that libraries are cool......

www.bl.uk/events/an-evening-with-dolly-parton?utm_campaign=197166_DollyParton_Events_20201201&utm_medium=email&utm_source=The%20British%20Library

Hope things are going well.

Reading / writing won't develop well until her speech and language skills are at the right stage for this to happen. SALT is about a lot more than the social communication needs you find in autism. Some children have problems in the development of their receptive/expressive communication skills. So, in your case I'd start with a hearing test, if she's not had one recently and then a SALT assessment.