Who is being unreasonable - taking away music because of lack of reading.

[Teachmuggles1419]

Hey ! My daughter is 6 she is very musical, a passionate drum player, teaching her self to play piano and guitar.
She tends to be pretty tutus/ dresses with band T-shirts and dr martens and bright coloured socks with leather jackets etc her music taste sort of random. She dives between things like Dolly Parton / Elton John / jovi / goo goo dolls / artic monkeys / guns and roses.
She tends to sway more to listening to music / watching music videos than to watch tv and movies.
She is not academic and hates to read. Here is my issue she does struggle with her school work and she really struggles with reading.
My dsis thinks that I should be restricting her music and using it as a form of punishment when she is “ whining “ about not doing her reading / homework.
She will sit and draw / paint and design dresses etc but will not without drama, read and write or engage with homework and they struggle with her at school to participate ( she does participate in maths and art )
She practices her music every day ( we can no afford music lessons here ) so she uses you tube for lessons.
Is it fair to remove the practising her music as punishment ?
I just can’t bring my self to do it.

@Porcupineinwaiting the sheets are because she is not in school at the moment. She is in shielding so far has done 2 weeks of year 2.

You've talked about her 'developmental team' and her only having done a few weeks worth of schooling so far in the first 7 terms of school.

Presumably there is a Team Around the child, and some educational input into that ? What are they advising?

Like everyone else, I would encourage her love of music, but, in terms of what else might help her and what else you can do to help her, none of us can know that, without knowing so much more about her condition, her development, her cognition and learning skills and difficulties. I'm not asking you to tell us what they are - obviously that isn't any of our business, but the school and local authority have had a responsibility to be supporting her from when she first should have started school in September 2018. It is them you should be asking about a) what support you can give her, but, also b) what support they are giving her.

Your little girl is only six. Many countries, notably Finland do not even start formal reading until six or seven. This is the Steiner approach as well. Many children are not ready for it at the ages we start pushing it here. If you force her now she is far less likely to be a happy enthusiastic reader in later life.

Why not try a more games based approach. In addition to reading the books and poetry suggested here, have a look at the book Games For Reading by Peggy Kaye. There are some free examples on her website www.peggykaye.com/target.php?ct=welcome

My children learned this way, as a home educating family. Reams of work sheets are soul destroying at any age, let alone six. Let your daughter enjoy her passion for music, and enrich her life with other skills.

Lean into it. She needs to read every day. Let her read song lyrics. Ask her to write her own.

Find every age appropriate magazine article or book that you can about her favorite performers.

When kids are learning it really doesn’t matter what they read. It can be graphic novels, or poetry, traditional stories, or the back of a cereal box. The key is to find something that captures her interest. B

You both sound lovely.

That was to OP in reply to her last message.
Get paranoid on here that people think you’re being sarcastic!

Few answers - she has had yearly development reviews due to needing physiotherapy and speech and language input. She was very poorly for a very long time and so spent 26 months in a hospital bed. However the development teams don’t have an input in her education as they say she doesn’t have “ learning difficulties “
They did send a speech and language to her school when she was in to observe but said she didn’t meet the requirements of an autism assessment.
Her disability is health related, she despite Initial diagnosis and what the doctors expected, can walk / run / dance and is apparently cognitively fine.
She is very aware and very smart she just can not get the hang of reading and writing.
Her illness was based around 3 organ failures.

I think regarding music and art is she had a huge input from very early on with art and music therapy.

What about a family karaoke night, not sure if you can find/ buy on internet? First picking songs she knows with the words and the dot showing you which part of the lyric you are on . Then try other songs she doesn't know. it might click.into place. Maybe find some on YouTubefor her to try on her own at her own pace?

Firstly, she’s 6. What’s all the pressure about to read and write! Do you realise that if you lived in Finland she wouldn’t have even started school yet and they have the best educational outcomes in Europe. She taught herself music from YouTube! Do you realise how amazing that is. She could probably go for a music scholarship for year 3 entry. Have you got an independent school near you that does music scholarships? You should look into it. She sounds fabulous

Six year olds shouldn't have homework!

I say sack off the homework and let her enjoy her music, OP. Reading and writing will come.

Couple of things are coming to my mind you may want to check/try

She wears specs anyway is she needing an improved prescription?

Has she been checked for colour blindness? It can present differently in girls sometimes and can be harder to spot. Plus children's books tend not to be black print on white background and the varying colours used can make it harder for colour blind kids to learn to read

If she's missed a lot of school she may well be subconscious about reading aloud especially with a speech delay. If she finds expressing words easier in song let her sing a book to you? Might help her break a barrier

Find books, comics, postcards whatever with words on that appeal to her musical interests. Reading things that interest us is half the battle.

The hearing thing may be an over sensitivity to sound which can mean certain words sound different to her than to you or I, I don't profess to be an expert in this area this would need SALT input and probably quite specialised too

Hope you find something that helps but I agree don't punish her for her interest in music. It's a great talent to have and really helps with lots of other learning

Her health issues may appear unrelated but the missing school element plus possibly the lack of development of neural pathways etc as a result of her body focusing on healing the ailing organs will have has an effect

I'd need to know which organs and the specific condition to know the likely effects or more likely a health and education specialist would need to, paediatrics isn't my area, but it's surprising how certain seemingly disconnected body systems can impact each other

@Muchadoaboutlife did you read the thread ? It wasn’t me that wanted to ban her music. I am extremely proud of everything she has ever achieved. I am proud of how much she has learned this year alone however I am a mum who is also a full time carer trying to home school again in the middle of a pandemic. I am the least pushy parent you could probably ever meet. However I am trying my best in a really crap situation and if you read my replies you would see that I took all advice on bored.

@Graphista yeh she wears glasses but her eyes are not too bad -1 in both eyes. She sees ophthalmology consultant 6 monthly for infection reasons ( she is colonised with 2 bacteria’s that can effect eyes )
Thankfully they have been er been worried or see anything other than being mildly short sighted. Her hearing test was cancelled, but I will try bet that rebooked in.

She is only 6, she still has time to catch up. My eldest was never a natural reader and struggled with it. It wasn't until he was around 9 that it all seemed to "click" and he started to read fluently.
Eventually he went onto uni and gained a masters with distinction, so his lack of reading at an early age didn't stop him achieving.

Although she does have a little bit of an obsessive love for Dolly Parton

Well that's an 'in' , Dolly Parton's father couldn't read. Dolly Parton has set up an 'imagination library' - if you are in an area covered by the library you could enrol DD, if not can you afford a book each month?

imaginationlibrary.com/uk/

Sorry I forget the age groups, not sure if she would qualify, but the idea could be replicated.

Otherwise Dolly's songs are actually stories set to music. That's something you could both try exploring.

If she need to learn to read, because she is 6, I would give her a song book and ask her to read-sing to you

Homeschooling is tough at the best of times but you’ve obviously had to do an awful lot.
Are the teachers just sending sheets? I’ve been homeschooling for isolation and the teachers have sent videos, ideas for games, YouTube links etc so it’s actually quite fun. We’d have had a worse time if it was just worksheets.

Op for reading I'd try Peter and Jane books.
Get the basic ones that repeat.
Then supplement with flash cards, many dc who don't like... Reading.. Do like flash cards. This is quicker, faster and more fun than plodding through books.

The first 100 high frequency words flash cards. Do 10 a week.
Fast.. Make it fun and give her a reward at the end of the week for what she gets correct.

This will help her enormously!

i dont know if this has been mentioned
but what about printing out lyrics of her favourite songs and using that as a way to help reading

Have not rtft.

Have you tried

• reading practice before school when she is less tired
• reading alternate lines with her, or books like the Apple Tree Farm series which have easier lines alternated with harder ones.

I really feel for you both OP, you've both had a hard ride of it and your school support doesn't sound like much. We really aren't doing the best for children who have to shield. I'd be bored off my tits with worksheets.

Could you look at some other homeschooling resources, there's lots of stuff on facebook. Getting into nature, that sort of thing, rather than endless worksheets. Numbers are part of normal life and as I said above, her music is pretty much covering that. Using lyrics to help, great to hear you've ordered new books. If she loves Dolly then Dolly loves reading! See if there's any of her library stuff that could help?

But also. You are both doing fine. She is going to be behind because she's spent so much time out of education. That's fine - she'll catch up when she's ready to catch up. Meanwhile, just try to enjoy this time together with fewer health concerns. Think of it as a convalescence, not a race to catch up, if you can?

I agree with many other PP's pointing out that in many countries she would not have started formal schooling yet.
She sounds an exceptional little girl, and I would cherish that; there are many positives here that can be accentuated.
"Reading readiness" can be misused as an excuse for laziness in intervention, but in this case I think you are on the right track in taking a positive approach. I have never forgotten one little boy in my class who suddenly "got" reading (after much patient support from our specialist teacher, not just left to chance!) whose reading age went from around 6 (he was Year 3, so around 7) to over 12 in three months. Somehow, the penny dropped; it was miraculous!
Music is one of those rare activities which engage both sides of the brain, and she has a wonderful gift.
If you can, point out when reading can be useful to her; let her learn the words of a new song, find a favourite programme in the TV guide, maybe books which link stories to music. For example I gave my godson a storybook version of "Peter and the Wolf" with a recording of the music.

OP, first of all she sounds like an amazing child who is incredibly gifted and talented! You don’t want to take that away from her as a punishment, so don’t :)

As for reading and writing, try and make everything music related as possible - can she sing her books instead of reading them? Can she write the names of songs she likes to listen to? Give her as much control as possible - controlled choices will be your best friend, such as “do you want to practise writing your name or reading some flash cards before you start your YouTube lesson” etc, she has 2 choices to pick from, both of which you’ll be happy with!

Best of luck!

Please do not ban or limit her music! No further advice because I let my kids pursue their passions and didn't try to make them do stuff.