Who is being unreasonable - taking away music because of lack of reading.

[Teachmuggles1419]

Hey ! My daughter is 6 she is very musical, a passionate drum player, teaching her self to play piano and guitar.
She tends to be pretty tutus/ dresses with band T-shirts and dr martens and bright coloured socks with leather jackets etc her music taste sort of random. She dives between things like Dolly Parton / Elton John / jovi / goo goo dolls / artic monkeys / guns and roses.
She tends to sway more to listening to music / watching music videos than to watch tv and movies.
She is not academic and hates to read. Here is my issue she does struggle with her school work and she really struggles with reading.
My dsis thinks that I should be restricting her music and using it as a form of punishment when she is “ whining “ about not doing her reading / homework.
She will sit and draw / paint and design dresses etc but will not without drama, read and write or engage with homework and they struggle with her at school to participate ( she does participate in maths and art )
She practices her music every day ( we can no afford music lessons here ) so she uses you tube for lessons.
Is it fair to remove the practising her music as punishment ?
I just can’t bring my self to do it.

Absolutely do not do this. She has a passion for music and should be allowed to enjoy it.

How about finding other positive incentives for reading?

Your sister is a dick and I say that as an English teacher.

I'd turn it around - she can have music once she has done her homework. So music becomes the reward, rather than taking it away as punishment (although it amounts to the same thing, it's how you frame it with her). She is then in control of what she needs to do to have music

Do not do this.

The secret to success (if secret is the right word) is to give all you have got to your strengths. Mitigate weakness but out 95% of effort into what you are good at.

You daughter is doing that naturally.

Encourage her with all you have got.

That’s what I think. To restrict it would be cruel when it is clearly something that is natural to her.

We struggled with my daughter and reading. She needed glasses.

It needs to sometimes become, you can do the music AFTER this short piece of homework or reading is done. The music shouldn't be taken away but you need to find balance with the other activities...use music as the REWARD

@LividLaughLurve can I ask you a questions is there time for her to catch up ?
Everyone is always at me about her education ( there is a lot stacking against her regarding the amount is school missed ) she is in year 2 and I just can not help her grasp the concept of reading and writing ?
Does it come eventually ?

I agree with Rocking. First reading, then as much music as she likes.

OP is she grasping it at all? Does she know her letter sounds? Can she blend? Whether she can just catch up depends on what exactly is going on.

Music improves outcomes in learning other subjects.

It teaches 'reading', mathematics (try finding a musician who doesn't understand the concept of fractions - there isn't one), patience, taking turns, working together, communication (verbal, written, non verbal, body language), physical coordination, paying attention and listening, knowing when to be quiet and when to be loud (so delayed gratification) - all skills that transfer brilliantly to everything else.

And more to the point, it makes her happy.

It's likely to be the best thing that you are doing for her right now, not something to be torn away from her out of spite.

Her musical talent sounds amazing! At such a young age to be so motivated is fantastic. Definitely do not discourage her or use it as a punishment.

The reading will come I’m sure. DS is the same age and struggles a lot. I feel like we’ve had a bit of a breakthrough recently but missing so much of yr 1 was a huge set back.

Can you look at ways of using her passion for music with reading, such as song lyrics crossing over with poetry and books on music, favourite bands etc. They might be something you can read together.

I wouldn't stop her doing music at all, not least because if she spends so much of her time at school being aware that she's 'not good' at reading etc she needs to spend as much time as possible out of school doing what she is good at and enjoys.

Regarding her reading, it sounds like she has some sort of barrier, not that she just doesn't like it. As pp says, have you taken her for an eye test?

What have the school suggested? Has she been assessed for dyslexia or other learning issues?

She’s 6. She has LOADS of time to catch up.

I was utterly awful at maths at primary. I did maths at university and I’m an accountant. It clicked at about 12.

She might benefit from being taught in a different way. Electronic learning? Being read TO and following along?

I have a son who is autistic so it’s different, but he taught himself to read at 3. He won’t write without a fight - proper tantrums. He’ll type though so we go with it.

Praise and encourage strengths. The rest will come.

@Porcupineinwaiting she seems to be ok on the phonics side ( behind due to missing a lot of school compared to her peers )
However she comes out on phonics at working at correct level.
When it comes to actually reading a word, she can read words like cat, hat , but not a sentence of any kids.
Yet her comprehension and knowledge on other things she learns is amazing.

I'd turn it around - she can have music once she has done her homework

Yes.

Why has she missed a lot of school, OP?

No OP, please don’t do it. I was like your DD. I had an awful time at school and my guitar was my only solace. It was the thing that made me feel good about myself and it’s what kept me going. My parents took my guitar off me a few times for not doing homework etc and it just made me depressed and resentful.

Learning a musical instrument is learning, and it uses and develops all sorts of skills. Yes your DD needs to do her school work but please don’t use her music as a punishment if she doesn’t. You’ll probably find that her music is massively linked to her self esteem and confiscating it will do much more harm than good.

Also, just to say, I always like to have some familiar music on when I work as well. I wasn’t great at doing homework when I was a kid but when I did I always had some music on, it helps block out other sounds and acts as kind of a comfort and a filter. My dad used to like to com in and throw his weight around, my dad likes to throw his weight around, and basically threaten me if I wouldn’t turn off my music. It wasn’t loud, he’d just decided I couldn’t work with it on. As soon as that music went off I not only couldn’t work, I didn’t wat to work, I felt like a massive fuck you.

She already wears glasses, we are waiting on a hearing test although I do not believe she has a hearing problem. She is sensitive to sounds, which is funny because she adores music but anything other than that like people laughing too loud she freaks out but the development team want her to have a hearing test because of it which confused me slightly.

She must have her music.

She’s six. Practice reading but not at the expense of something she loves. Maybe find books and things about music or what she loves and read them together? Use it as a chance to link the two. I was obsessed with music growing up, I can’t imagine how sad it would have been if my parents had used that as the carrot to dangle, it’s literally just something to be enjoyed, especially at that age. Reading will come, she’s still young, there’s ways to support it.

When she is about 7 buy the book Toe By Toe. Do this every day for twenty minutes. She needs to be a bit older than she is now for it have any impact.

It is highly unprofessional to diagnose on the internet but I would expect that because she has the musical part of her brain ‘so open’ that there may be another part of the brain that doesn’t function typically.

Toe by toe is the best dyslexia intervention around. It’s repetitive but it does work.

@saraclara she was having a treatment for a rare disease.
I work closely with the school to try and help her because I know a huge amount of it is because she lacks confidence with being out the classroom for so long ( she is now out of classroom again as of this week )

I'm guessing that op's dd missed school because of lock down saraclara.

Most year 1 children didn't return to school until September.

Just to clarify I don’t want to take her music away, I love her on every little hair on her head. She is creative, funny and a little well unique. I do worry that I am letting her down somewhere.

Apd?

Definitely for god sake do not stop her music
Dreadful idea.