Who is being unreasonable - taking away music because of lack of reading.

[Teachmuggles1419]

Hey ! My daughter is 6 she is very musical, a passionate drum player, teaching her self to play piano and guitar.
She tends to be pretty tutus/ dresses with band T-shirts and dr martens and bright coloured socks with leather jackets etc her music taste sort of random. She dives between things like Dolly Parton / Elton John / jovi / goo goo dolls / artic monkeys / guns and roses.
She tends to sway more to listening to music / watching music videos than to watch tv and movies.
She is not academic and hates to read. Here is my issue she does struggle with her school work and she really struggles with reading.
My dsis thinks that I should be restricting her music and using it as a form of punishment when she is “ whining “ about not doing her reading / homework.
She will sit and draw / paint and design dresses etc but will not without drama, read and write or engage with homework and they struggle with her at school to participate ( she does participate in maths and art )
She practices her music every day ( we can no afford music lessons here ) so she uses you tube for lessons.
Is it fair to remove the practising her music as punishment ?
I just can’t bring my self to do it.

She has plenty of time to catch up her reading providing she practices. Use her love of music to help explain this to her. Like when she is trying to learn a new piece of music, she practices and practices until she gets better at it.
Kids that have the discipline for music often do well at other things.

From talking to friends, it appears lots of kids go off reading for a bit until they find something they enjoy. My DD is 10 and 2-3yrs ahead of where she needs to be, but I think at 6 she was behind and getting her to sit down with Biff, Chip and Kipper was like pulling teeth - for me and her!

What's her favourite song to play? Can she read the lyrics of that? Try comics, reading ingredients when making cakes, signs as you walk down the road, reviews of her favourite TV shows. Wordsearches and word games. Anything that makes reading part of everyday life.
She should read everyday, so it becomes a habit, but it doesn't have to be a painful one.

If she has a reading log with school, record all the reading she does in that, even if it's not the 'official' book, so she can see what she's achieved, rather than it being a reminder of what she hasn't done.

Might be worth checking with her teacher that she is on track with reading and if not, ask their advice.

Try to combine reading with sound and music but most of all don't worry, there really is still time to catch up. the more you cna introduce some fun into it, the better :)

Usually lurk so had to work out how to post! Hope this works...
Please don’t stop the music and please keep reading to her. She will get the skill of reading in the end (not surprising she is behind given she has missed school) but in anyway you can you want her to think reading is enjoyable. Read books about music (try searching BookTrust for ideas !) and if you can when you read to her read books for the age she is (6 plus ) as well as ones she is able to read so she doesn’t get bored. Julia Donaldson is great to read and I think there is a song book of hers too! If you can get her to think of reading as fun mum find then she will want to do it (might take a year or two but don’t worry about that). And how wonderful to have such a fantastic musician as a daughter

Why are certain passions and skills good and others bad? Being a skilled musician is a fruitful career, being a skilled reader?
She goes to school I presume and really homework at 6yo is ridiculous. Encourage her passions, just make sure she can actually read. And maybe check for dyslexia, although I was an avid reader as a child and I'm in the bottom 2% of the population for reading speed and bottom 8% for reading ability due to dyslexia. Reading is a hobby as much as a skill, some like it, some dont.

She may possibly be on the autistic spectrum and music is her gift and talent...let her enjoy it and be happy

She is only 6!

@SheilaWilcox unfortunately at parents evening the teacher was unable to tell me where she was as she actually has not been in one class with her so was all bit of a guessing game.
The issue is trying to motivate a 6 year old while they are in a house all the time with just sheets of work the school sends. I try my best but it’s so hard as I suppose 1 she is probably bored of me haha and 2. Doesn’t have the same motivation for me as she does when it’s someone else.
I think I am going to form a time table with her work and split it up with music / breaks in between then followed by a dedicated 1-1 fun activity with me of her choice and then free time which will probably be music or art.

Does she have sheet music for her favourites? Song lyrics and poetry are often fun to read and share aloud, too.

Leave her to develop formal skills at her own pace. In most European countries they don't read and write formally in school until 7.! It is our system thst is the odd one out. Let her love and enjoy music.

I was going to say what @RockingMyFiftiesNot said

My DD1 struggled with reading and with completing her work. She had started ballet lessons at age 4 and was focused in class and would practice without being reminded. After three years of struggling with her I finally got her tested. Moderate ADD. The psychologist said she had the best attitude toward school he had ever seen in a child with that much of a problem because of her self esteem or in her words "I can't spell or read good but I am the best dancer in my class".
If music is her love then let her be the Best at that. Reading will come.

Thanks for all your feedback :) I just ordered some music books and a Elton John biography Of amazon 🤣

She’s 6 it will come don’t deny her what she loves.

I would be looking at what she would like to read - put subtitles on when she is watching a music video, read articles about artists/instruments she likes, follow the written words of a song as she sings it etc

Wordless books? (She’s the right age for the Journey trilogy)
Comic books?

Is it the Little People Big Dreams one? Those are great.

She sounds very bright if she can teach herself from youtube.
Sure she'll be fine, especially as you're already keeping an eye on it.

Be interesting to come back in 3 yrs time and see how she's getting on.

You've got to use what they love to encourage them!

My son was not interested in reading or writing fictional stories; he's utterly football obsessed.

His teacher told me he can read his own football books in class and that we should encourage him to write stories about his favourite players.

It has worked really well and he's taken a massive leap forward.

@SheilaWilcox I can’t explain her story on her but I have I doubt she will be a wonderful person she has braved much more in her young life ❤️

Imagine if she goes on to have a successful career in music - your DSis is going to feel like a right plonker then!

She's only 6. If she has a natural talent for something and enjoys doing it, you absolutely have to nurture that. You're her mum - stick up for her and everyone else can get stuffed. You know enjoying her musical passion is the right thing to do, so don't let anyone make you feel bad.

@TerribleLizard no it wasn’t but I just had a look and now ordered the Elton John and David Bowie ones 🤣

No doubt that was meant to say.

@Teachmuggles1419 I hope she loves them.

Maybe she is reading the wrong things. If she likes music so much, perhaps biographies of musicians might hold her interest more than fiction books?

"Little people, Big Dreams" series has books about David Bowie, Dolly Parton, Ella Fitzgerald, Aretha Franklin, John Lennon, Elton John, Prince etc.

Please do not take her music away, I cannot function without my books, I’m hopeless at maths but can budget and run a home, I wonder what modern school would think of me, we’re all different and she’s 6 good grief talk about pressure at that age.

The other thing to consider OP is, at 6, should she be doing "sheets of work" at home at all? Reading practise yes, there's strong evidence that it helps improve performance. The rest of it? Do you think it is helping her? I would have thought 6 hours a day of school was plenty.

Poetry. Poems with rhythm such as ones by Benjamin Zephaniah , John Shard and Roger McGough. I love the Puffin book of utterly brilliant poetry or one with Carribbean rhymes. Some have you tube links where you can see the poems being performed. The rhythm and rhyme might appeal to her musicality. She sounds amazing and has missed so much school. If she lived in Germany, she would only just be starting to read. Keep nurturing her and feeding her stories and poems and it will come.