To report a friend for fraud?

[ashbashclash]

I've been good friends with a woman for over 15 years now.
She is a carer for her dad who has dementia and has been since her mum died.
She works part time hours (16 hours )
Now she spends a lot more than she earns.
Before lockdown she was going on weekends away,concerts etc
She is always shopping,not expensive things but still shopping.
Her dads dementia is pretty bad so she will be dealing with his finances and he will be oblivious.
She invited me to his birthday tea party in January and he didn't recognise me.
I think she is spending her dads money.
Do I report this?
I don't think it's fair for her to get away with this.
Although if she has been dipping into his money and I report her,what would happen to her dad?
Would he be moved in care facility ?
What do I do for the best?

With friends like you who needs enemies! How awful.

You are no friend to her that's for sure!
I hope she sees your assumptions, I really do.
That would be the last thing I would assume! It's likely she has some inheritance or savings, but she's not obliged to tell you that.
It is so easy to look in on someone else's life and jump to your own conclusions. You don't have a clue what anyone else goes through.
The poor woman has lost her mum, and her Dad doesn't know who she is. Either show some compassion or mind your own business!

Now she spends a lot more than she earns

Most people do, have no never heard of credit cards?

*you not.

Unless you see your friends bank balance on a regular basis , you have no idea what her finances are.
Also perhaps her dad ( when he was more lucid ) gave his bank details to her with the instruction to treat herself to the value of £ ?? .
Yes of course there is the potential she is doing something untoward , but surely that's her conscience not yours.

@ashbashclash

What would happen if I did report her?

Hopefully karma would come right along and bite you hard on the arse.

This is just nasty and vindictive.

My God, this thread is depressing. OP, you've managed to single-handed kill my Biden buzz. Your faux concern is pretty vomit-inducing. You say the man is well taken care of, and that your friend dotes on him. There's no other family. You're just jealous, it's oozing out of every word of your updates.

@ashbashclash

What would happen if I did report her?

Honestly this is just shameful.

If you want to fuck up/mess with her life you shouldn't call yourself a friend and you should leave her alone.

I'm not going to report.
Thanks for your advice.
If anything is going on I'm sure it will be found out eventually.
I don't want it on my conscience.

I think you need to stay away from her op. The fact you even considered this indicates you are not her friend. You’re jealous of her and you had an urge to be vindictive because of it.

You need to stay away from her now.

@ashbashclash

I'm not going to report. Thanks for your advice. If anything is going on I'm sure it will be found out eventually. I don't want it on my conscience.

I'm still confused as to why her being financially abusive is your default stance?

Can you explain why you jumped to this conclusion above all the other much more logical scenarios??

You're a very strange person and should look more towards yourself. Very ugly conversation you have started.

You have no proof that she is committing fraud. She may have money from other sources. Even if it's from her dad, he may have made an agreement with her while he still had capacity. Some people, who have a certain amount of money, may choose to give some or all of it to their children while still alive: to prevent the children from having to pay inheritance tax later on; so that they themselves don't have too much money to be eligible for government-paid care if they eventually need it; or simply to compensate a family carer for being unable to earn money elsewhere. Or she may just be getting into debt. In any case, if you're that suspicious of her, you shouldn't be calling her your friend!

Are you just winding people up, op? I stand by my question, what's wrong with you that you thought to do this? Not a rhetorical question

For those saying 'It will be her inheritance anyway, so it's ok' - have you seen his will? He might have specifically stated that she's not to get a penny. It's not a safe assumption to make, that the money is kind of, almost, sort of hers anyway. Also, if he needs residential care, his money should go on that before it goes to his descendants. Inheritance isn't really the point, is it. He's alive.

On the subject of unsafe assumptions, though, assuming that she's financially abusing him when you know nothing of agreements or arrangements that may have been made, or other sources for her income, or even knowing what her outgoings are, is a deeply unsafe assumption, especially given that it seems she's given up a decent proportion of her life to care for him, and appears to be doing it well.

If he was neglected I might think differently. But to state 'she loves him and cares for him well' in the same breath as 'Shall I report her for abusing him?' is very incongruous.

@ashbashclash
Do you have any details at all about her income and outgoings? Or is it all just guesses and assumptions?

Butchyrestingface

Look@ashbashclash, it's Lockdown. Don't you have some actual neighbours who are actually breaking lockdown regulations that you could amuse yourself by snitching on?

Hahaha! This has actually had me in hysterics!

It just didn't add up that's it.
I don't have any details of her finances just her particular job wouldn't be paying more £200 a week and she seems to spend more.
I'm not jealous.

Have you any concerns regarding her Dad's care? Take the money out of the equation.

You have no idea what her financial situation is. If my friends look at me I look like I am living way beyond my means. However breaking it down I have had two inheritance that they no nothing about, I have a second source of income that they know nothing about that despite increasing my tax liability hugely it also gives me money for weekends away etc. Also I live comfortably but cheaply. Where they spend money on things that I think are excessive (lastest phone/ipad etc) on credit card.

I am sure if your friend was burning through her Dads money her brother would intervene as it is also his inheritance.

So what good did you think it would do? This woman loves her father and takes care of him. Maybe consider investing your own disposable income into developing empathy 101 or some psychotherapy to figure out why you'd be so spiteful to someone you call a friend

@ashbashclash

It just didn't add up that's it. I don't have any details of her finances just her particular job wouldn't be paying more £200 a week and she seems to spend more. I'm not jealous.

Ok so you think it doesn't add up, but that still doesn't explain why you leapt to the conclusion shes financially abusing hwr father.

Surely if curious most people would jump to a multitude of other possibilities; credit cards, inheritance, benefits, cash in hand side job etc all of that is much more likely.

I just want to understand why financial abuse is your default??

Why you would even consider reporting a friend is beyond me.

You may not be consciously jealous but spend too much time thinking about your friend's finances which are none of your business.

If you have genuine concerns, report it as a potential financial abuse to your local Adult Safeguarding at your local authority. If your friend has a registered POA for finances it will be checked and the Office of The Public Guardian can investigate if necessary.

Financial abuse does happen when families manage finances for people who lack capacity, I work loosely in this area and have seen enormous abuses of POA's, one of which involved several hundred thousand and a conviction.

Currently you have a suspicion based on very circumstantial evidence, if your suspicion is well founded then report it and let Safeguarding do their job. Hopefully all will be fine and no issues will be found.

If she is his carer she will get carers allowance and as she’s his only child he probably gives her a wage for helping to look after him as she is helping him stay out of a home. I’m assuming it’s her inheritance anyway so even if he didn’t have dementia he would probably still give it to her.

I think you should do your friend a favour and step well away from her. You're not her friend, and it's not fair that she believes you are. What an awful bitch.