To report a friend for fraud?

[ashbashclash]

I've been good friends with a woman for over 15 years now.
She is a carer for her dad who has dementia and has been since her mum died.
She works part time hours (16 hours )
Now she spends a lot more than she earns.
Before lockdown she was going on weekends away,concerts etc
She is always shopping,not expensive things but still shopping.
Her dads dementia is pretty bad so she will be dealing with his finances and he will be oblivious.
She invited me to his birthday tea party in January and he didn't recognise me.
I think she is spending her dads money.
Do I report this?
I don't think it's fair for her to get away with this.
Although if she has been dipping into his money and I report her,what would happen to her dad?
Would he be moved in care facility ?
What do I do for the best?

@ashbashclash

What would happen if I did report her?

Have you really no clue what happens when you report people for that?

Get real.

Her dad is well cared for and that’s the main thing, as far as you know before her dad got
too bad he said she had the freedom
to use his money, he’s hardly going out shopping is he?
You’d kind nasty and jealous not concerned.

[quote MLMbotsgoaway]@Moondust001 if your child was full time caring for you, you’d really begrudge them an allowance? Nice.[/quote]
That isn't what I said. Is it? It isn't remotely what I said. And it has nothing whatsoever to do with "allowances" which are monies freely given. The allegation (unproven) here is that a parent with diminished capacity may be having their money taken without their agreement or consent, and several posters have said that this was ok because the child would inherit the money anyway. Actually, if this were happening it is a criminal offence, it is a safeguarding issue, and it is theft and abuse. You think that is ok do you? Nice.

@ashbashclash

Like I said I've got no concerns for his welfare. He is looked after,she buys him new clothes etc all the time. It was just her spending that was concerning.

Why does it concern you?

Could be inheritance, doing work from home, carers allowance. Anything. Get your beak out.

And for what it's worth, my DM works part time, in a not so well paying job, and still manages to, shock horror, go shopping too!!

Do you know all the ins and outs of your friend's finances?

Even my best friend doesn't know I sold a flat 20 years ago and made £46k profit which is on a savings account and that my grandma gave us each £2,000. From outward appearances you wouldn't think I would be able to afford loads, I'm a SAHM, DH works for the local council and we rent for now.

Some friend you are. Ready to report your friend with absolutely no proof.

Also nobody knows that I do freelance work now and again when needed. Last month I made £200 with that, not a huge amount but enough to do something with.

Actually I don't think I've ever seen such a vindictive thread on there really (well I have but...!).

Does she have POA or LPA for her father? Go ahead and shop her to the Office of Public Guardian if that's what you wish. You do realise what having POA/LPA means don't you? E.g. it's quite complex generally. An investigation into fraud would be lengthy.

Did you ever think that the money she isn't able to spend now, on weekends away etc she could have been saving etc?

Her father may well giver her e.g. his carer's allowance if she helps out (my DGM (nana) did this with my DM when she had carers) or an additional sum to help her out as she works part time.

Her Dad is well loved and cared for which is what matters really. You have absolutely no proof she’s spending his money but tbh, even if she is it’s not like he’s going to miss it- he probably doesn’t know what day it is. Morally wrong but she is caring for him around the clock and it can’t be easy at all. I don’t blame her for finding a coping mechanism.

You don’t know she’s doing it anyway, she could be wracking up debt on credit cards and such. Don’t be a twat, you don’t sound like a very supportive friend.

@OrangeIsTheNewTwat

I actually would report this. My PILs were caring for an elderly relative 45 miles away. Their cousins were unpleasant, quick to point the finger but never bothered to turn up, despite living only a few minutes away. My PILs got fed up of the continual accusations & the lack of any response from their elderly relative who was mentally fine & knew the situation, but she kept quiet, for a quiet life. Eventually the cousins got the police involved, my PILs were quickly vindicated (because they'd done nothing wrong) but didn't want to continue. Cousins were asked to do it, & got POA. A year or so later they were prosecuted for fraud/theft as they'd nearly drained the elderly relative's account. It couldn't be recovered as they'd spent it. Elderly relative now lives in a care home, paid for by the state. PILs were visiting regularly until the pandemic started, & the thieving cousins & their kids are back to ignoring her.

Report on what basis exactly? I'd like to think anyone thinking of reporting someone would have some sort of proof of fraud.

What would happen if I did report her

So you're still considering it? God if this is how you potentially treat a friend I'd hate to fall out with you

You have NO idea what her finances her. She could have a source of income you know nothing about. Maybe her Dad is so happy to be looked after by his daughter he's helping her out financially

Mind your own damn business

"Perhaps they've had the discussion when her df was able and it was his wish to spend this money to keep it from lining the government's pocket. Who knows?"

Yep, this.

OP, can you give us a detailed list of her income sources, so that we can make an informed judgement?

She gives up her life, other than the 16 hours she works to care for her father and you want to report her for fraud.

Have you any idea, the mental and physical strain it takes to look after someone with Dementia? The lack of freedom it takes from your life and what you want to do is to add to that and put her through a fraud investigation because you think she may be buying herself a few nice things with her Dad's money.

Carer's allowance equates to £1.92 per hour if she is even entitled to it.

I am in exactly the same position as your friend and what she needs is support, kindness and friends who can show an ounce of empathy towards the relentless strain of caring for someone with Dementia.

In answer to your question. NO, you don't report her, you buy her bunch of flowers and make her feel special.

If she is spending her Dad's money without him being able to agree, under adult safeguarding law, that would be financial abuse. This can be reported to the council. If he is other wise well cared for, and financial abuse was proven they wouldn't just put him in care, more likely they'd take over his finances.

However, not sure where they would actually start looking into this with no real proof/evidence and no obvious harm occuring to him.

Looking after someone with Alzheimer’s or dementia is so difficult, you can’t imagine how hard it is with having done it or doing it.

You say she has no siblings, so most of the care is on her shoulders.
Don’t report be a friend and support her

She might be getting carers allowance or universal credit top up if she only works 16 hours as caring for her father .
She might have savings , been given inheritance, it really is nothing to do with you and with a friend like you my God who needs an enemy. Christ.

OP, you've had 7 pages of posters telling you how unreasonable you're being (and worse). You're still asking what would happen if you reported her. What is your plan?

Have you ever stopped to consider that your friend only works part time precisely because she is caring for her dad, and that they have agreed for her to be reimbursed for this?

P.s. please stop calling her your 'good friend'.

Haven't RTFT but if she is his only relative maybe he told her it is all he's? I would seriously mind your own business and be more supportive to her

You are not her friend, for her sake break off contact and leave her alone.

At the moment the Dad is well cared for by someone he loves in the comfort of his own home. His daughter loves him enough to have a birthday tea-party for him, even though he didn't recognise you.

If you report her, he will have to pay hundreds of pounds a week to be cared for by people who don't know him in an alien environment. Lots of lovely people work in care homes. And some that aren't so lovely. There won't be any tea parties there, I'm guessing. Your friend will probably lose her home. Probably have to find full time work and won't have so much time for her Dad. And you will lose a friend and gain an enemy.

There's no up side to what you are proposing. Except you won't feel so bad that you don't have money for concerts and small treats.

@ashbashclash

I'm not jealous and I don't have any concerns over her dads welfare. He is well looked after and I know she loves him dearly.

Then what the hell do you hope to achieve by ‘reporting’? With friends like you who needs enemies?

Plenty of people have stolen from people they are caring for so I don't think the OP is off base for wondering if this is the case here.

What would happen if I did report her?

Hopefully they'd tell her all about her friend of the year. Unlikely, though.

Look @ashbashclash, it's Lockdown. Don't you have some actual neighbours who are actually breaking lockdown regulations that you could amuse yourself by snitching on?