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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH pissed off with me as I was 2 mins late sitting down to dinner as I was doing the laundry

174 replies

MadameBrioche · 08/11/2020 19:53

DH has the massive hump with me as he cooked a Sunday dinner. He said dinner was ready but I was waiting for a spin to finish in the washing machine to hang up DC’s uniforms so they’d dry by tomorrow. It’s as 2 mins. I got to the table, DC finished their dinner quickly and then he started clearing up all the food even though I was mid-meal as he was pissed off I was late to dinner as it’s rare to get us all eating together.
AIBU - I was late to dinner and so it’s my fault and obviously I’m in the wrong
AINBU - it was 2 fucking minutes doing laundry for the DC

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 08/11/2020 21:34

@Savourysenorita

Sorry to say it but your bloody lucky your DH cooks a Sunday lunch.
No she isn't. It should be a given that couples take turns to cook. And she's definitely not lucky when it comes with him being a dick.

@MadameBrioche start another thread if you want support to make the marriage good or leave it.

PyongyangKipperbang · 08/11/2020 21:35

@Savourysenorita

Sorry to say it but your bloody lucky your DH cooks a Sunday lunch.
Sorry to say it but you have bloody low standards.
ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble · 08/11/2020 21:38

@Savourysenorita

Sorry to say it but your bloody lucky your DH cooks a Sunday lunch.
If you count that as bloody lucky, either you don't have one or the one you have is shit.
Sometimeswinning · 08/11/2020 21:38

I knew there would be a long list of issues after the first post.

Your issue is your dh is a dick. Not that he was hacked off for you being 2 mins late for dinner (small and cold portions!?) You have way more issues than that.

I get annoyed if people are late for a family dinner I've done. Especially a roast. However your issue is not the roast!

SmashingTurnips · 08/11/2020 21:46

Sorry you're feeling bad. You may have left the thread but I just wanted to add that I think YANBU.

It's good to cook for others. It's nice. But it's only nice if you're not a dick about it and are adult enough to say "dinner on the table in 5 minutes" to everyone and then be OK with people talking a minute or two more to finish what they are doing before coming to the table.

It's a meal not a vital timed event with an important schedule.

Sultanainasalad · 08/11/2020 21:48

I can't believe this thread. OP has been working her arse off all weekend. Was 2 (or 5- big deal) minutes late to his precious Sunday roast as she was doing the children's uniform. He totally over reacted. Very petty and nasty of him. His overreaction is the problem here.

Nessashanessa · 08/11/2020 21:54

@NatMoz

I'd be annoyed personally as a Sunday dinner takes ages to prepare and in some cases can be timed to perfection. If your only duty is to sit down and eat it then that is not a big request. I don't think 15 mins of eating with the family will make much difference to the washing.
If you think that it's the OP's duty to sit down and eat a meal. Your values are well fucked.
SenselessUbiquity · 08/11/2020 22:08

He should have checked in with you with 10 minutes to go. You shouldn't have been faffing with washing when dinner was on the table. He shouldn't have cleared up and sent kids away the second they had finished eating. He was grandstanding, pretending that putting some stuff in the oven and taking it out again a bit later is a heroic deed, and probably has a tendency to overestimate his contributions relative to yours. If you have to do all the driving you should be actively - if charmingly - delegating other tasks, and I suspect you are not because he punishes you for it when you try. he senses your reluctance to prioritise sitting down to eat with him, and he is right because you are annoyed and sad with him and he doesn't make you feel good and have no incentive to sit down to dinner with him.

RickOShay · 08/11/2020 22:08

@MadameBrioche
You weren’t in the wrong here, your dh was. Are your children still quite young? It took dh and I a looooonng time to get back on track after dc.
Hope it works out for you Flowers

IceHeart · 08/11/2020 22:18

2 minutes but your DC had finished eating?
Wasn't really 2 mins then was it, my DC virtually pours the plate straight into his gullet but doesn't finish in 2 minutes

SmokeMirrors · 08/11/2020 22:25

I'd be mildly annoyed if it was a rare family meal together then I'd get over it after about 60 seconds, it's not like you were pissed up and late back from the pub.

MrDarcysMa · 08/11/2020 22:27

I don't understand why you're both arguing about this. Haven't you got more important things to worry about ?

Fischliweiss · 08/11/2020 22:34

He sounds cont. Is he like this in other areas of your life?

Fischliweiss · 08/11/2020 22:34

Controlling

Nanny0gg · 08/11/2020 22:38

@MadameBrioche

I am very unhappy to be honest. DH has turned from being a lovely kind man before DC to a very mean, critical, sarcastic, belittling person after. He’s become loads worse during lockdown. Sorry, this is more than just the roast dinner I’ve realised. I’m just so upset about his pettiness. I appreciate I was late, but he was just so nasty afterwards. I’m leaving this thread as I shouldn’t have started it, I’ve realised it’s about more than the dinner. I’m so unhappy at the moment. Sorry.
You need to post in Relationships.

Now you know there's more going on you should get some good advice there.

Nanny0gg · 08/11/2020 22:41

@Savourysenorita

Sorry to say it but your bloody lucky your DH cooks a Sunday lunch.
Why is she?

I get really fed up when I'm told how lucky I am that DH irons (shock! I know MN doesn't believe in ironing!), hoovers, washes up, cooks sometimes and does loads of other jobs.

Why shouldn't he? He lives here too.

I can't help it that others are with thoughtless, useless men

Newfornow · 08/11/2020 22:46

It takes a lot of time and effort for cook a family meal. It really irritates when family, I have cooked for, have something else to do. It’s basic manners.

burnoutbabe · 08/11/2020 22:48

Surely even if he gave 5 mins notice, the washing machine finishes when it does. It's not like having a quick wee/wash hands before dinner.
If airer next to the spinner it takes minimal time to put 3 uniforms over it.
He is being a prat.

Lookfortheheros · 08/11/2020 22:48

Reading this thread after my first comment I realise it's much more then just about being 2 mins late. Sorry OP. Take care of yourself.

Savourysenorita · 08/11/2020 22:50

@Nanny0gg my husband is not useless. He's excellent with money, he is the epitome of 'DIY expert' he can build or make anything. House stuff is stupidly cheap because he does all the tiling fitting plumbing himself etc. I'm very lucky there. He's a typical 'blue jobs' male. He will iron his own shirts because I hate doing them. But he never cooks. Doesn't wash up that often. Most housework is left up to me. Most of the child rearing and homework etc is up to me. I work (part time in a qualified role) and pay for our shopping and some bills and most of the kids clothes. I'd love for my DH to cook once in a while (no interest or know how there) but I wouldn't label him as 'useless' because he doesn't do the traditional 'pink jobs'....

Nikhedonia · 08/11/2020 22:51

Seriously, read the fucking thread or at least read the OP's last post.

All the YABU posts at this point just seem quite cruel and I hope OP has actually stayed away from the thread.

Anordinarymum · 08/11/2020 22:54

My other half can't cook. We met when he was late forties and had a lifetime of not cooking. He bought those dreadful TV dinners and had one of those every night after work, bolstered by Greggs steak bakes at lunchtime.

Once when I was out he made a toasted cheese sarny and actually...actually turned the toaster on it's side and set it on fire.

Another time he made a bacon sandwich and could not face it as it looked so vile.

I wish he cook cook. I wish he could do a lot of other things too but I have to be thankful for the things he can do and not the things he can't plus the things he should not do such as leaving the seat down when he takes a piss.

I'm not derailing the thread. I'm not.

Savourysenorita · 08/11/2020 22:57

@Anordinarymum

My other half can't cook. We met when he was late forties and had a lifetime of not cooking. He bought those dreadful TV dinners and had one of those every night after work, bolstered by Greggs steak bakes at lunchtime.

Once when I was out he made a toasted cheese sarny and actually...actually turned the toaster on it's side and set it on fire.

Another time he made a bacon sandwich and could not face it as it looked so vile.

I wish he cook cook. I wish he could do a lot of other things too but I have to be thankful for the things he can do and not the things he can't plus the things he should not do such as leaving the seat down when he takes a piss.

I'm not derailing the thread. I'm not.

Same 😊
ktp100 · 08/11/2020 22:58

Oh but HIS meal is more important because HE cooked it!!

Tell him bollox!!

CareBear50 · 08/11/2020 23:03

I can see both points of view.

He was unreasonable going in a strop but you were unreasonable too.

Hanging the washing out could have waited twenty mins, esp as he'd gone to an effort to make lunch and you rarely all get to eat together

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