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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH pissed off with me as I was 2 mins late sitting down to dinner as I was doing the laundry

174 replies

MadameBrioche · 08/11/2020 19:53

DH has the massive hump with me as he cooked a Sunday dinner. He said dinner was ready but I was waiting for a spin to finish in the washing machine to hang up DC’s uniforms so they’d dry by tomorrow. It’s as 2 mins. I got to the table, DC finished their dinner quickly and then he started clearing up all the food even though I was mid-meal as he was pissed off I was late to dinner as it’s rare to get us all eating together.
AIBU - I was late to dinner and so it’s my fault and obviously I’m in the wrong
AINBU - it was 2 fucking minutes doing laundry for the DC

OP posts:
Katypyee · 08/11/2020 20:51

Sure glad I am not married to the 43% who think you were being unreasonable.

slipperywhensparticus · 08/11/2020 20:53

Even before you gave more detail.i still don't think your being Unreasonable its food it was eaten he can fuck off with forced family time and baby strops

mrwalkensir · 08/11/2020 20:53

if you had four or more loads to do, wouldn't you do the urgent school uniform first?

billy1966 · 08/11/2020 20:54

@MadameBrioche

I am very unhappy to be honest. DH has turned from being a lovely kind man before DC to a very mean, critical, sarcastic, belittling person after. He’s become loads worse during lockdown. Sorry, this is more than just the roast dinner I’ve realised. I’m just so upset about his pettiness. I appreciate I was late, but he was just so nasty afterwards. I’m leaving this thread as I shouldn’t have started it, I’ve realised it’s about more than the dinner. I’m so unhappy at the moment. Sorry.
So OP, You do 98% of the work and he gets pissy when you don't do it fast enough for his "contribution" to the week.....oh and the bins🙄ffs.

OP,
I'm so sorry you have such a prat and a waster.

Please pay zero attention to those giving you grief in these circumstances.

You poor woman dealing with that nadt petty twat.

Protect yourself.

Flowers
OudRose · 08/11/2020 20:57

I'm always surprised about how formal people on here are. It was dinner at home with her own family! DH cooked the dinner, big woop, everyone has to eat.

I'd have said 'Sorry DH I won't be a minute, just sorting this washing out' no one would sulk or huff and puff.

OP doesn't need to run to the table and be all present and correct, to show her appreciation because Her Husband Has Cooked Hmm

DeRigueurMortis · 08/11/2020 20:58

Sorry but I think YABU OP.

We have Sunday dinner virtually every week.

During the week due to work and having a constantly starving DS I often find myself serving food at different times in the evening so whilst we always try and eat together it's not always possible. It's not great but it's life and I'm realistic about it.

However the Saturday evening meal and Sunday dinner is the one time I'm absolutely a stickler for us all eating together as a family.

Sunday dinner is quite a lot of work to shop and prep for but in addition there is an art to making sure everything is ready at the same time.

In this household everyone gets a 15 min warning and then a 2 min notice to be sat down at the table because I'm about to bring the food out. We all start eating together and stay seated until everyone has finished. That's the rules and if you don't like them - you don't get fed Grin.

If I've spent best best part of 3 hours of the day cooking the perfect roast dinner I'd be pretty pissed of to watch it sat on a plate going cold for 3 minutes - effectively undoing my hard work/wasting my efforts to serve it optimally.

The laundry wasn't urgent - 30 mins wasn't going to stop it being ready for tomorrow.

You prioritised something you wanted (not needed) to do over the work someone had put in to do something for you which is rude.

The fact you'd been busy all day and he'd "just" cooked is a totally separate issue and perhaps you were being somewhat passive aggressive to being late for dinner to make your point???

suggestionsplease1 · 08/11/2020 20:59

I think it's one of those areas where, as a couple, you try to have consideration for what's important to the other. For me that would be a bugbear mainly because I want to eat food when it's hot, not when it's getting cold from sitting out. So yeah, partners have known that's a thing for me and if they like me well enough they think of that, just as I think of their little quirks and nuances that wouldn't upset me personally but obviously are important to them.

Sounds like there are other issues going on here however and you're possibly beginning to feel mutual contempt for each other, and that's never a good place to be,

ComeOnBabyHauntMyBubble · 08/11/2020 20:59

@MadameBrioche

I am very unhappy to be honest. DH has turned from being a lovely kind man before DC to a very mean, critical, sarcastic, belittling person after. He’s become loads worse during lockdown. Sorry, this is more than just the roast dinner I’ve realised. I’m just so upset about his pettiness. I appreciate I was late, but he was just so nasty afterwards. I’m leaving this thread as I shouldn’t have started it, I’ve realised it’s about more than the dinner. I’m so unhappy at the moment. Sorry.
I had a feeling that might be the case OP.

Maybe start a thread in relationships about the real issues if you need help,support and advice with those.
Thanks

LauraBassi · 08/11/2020 21:00

I’d I’d bothered to cook a Sunday roast and set the table I’d have expected every to stop what they were doing and join us.

gabsdot45 · 08/11/2020 21:00

I'm with your DH on this. If Ive made dinner I hate it when people don't come as soon as they're called. It's rude. You could have hung up the uniforms after dinner.

TW2013 · 08/11/2020 21:02

Firstly he is being petty and secondly does he turn up on time for every other meal which you prepare? I am guessing that his time is more important than yours.

BarbaraofSeville · 08/11/2020 21:02

YANBU. It was only two minutes and it meant you could sit down, eat your dinner and relax without having to remember the uniforms occupying your brain.

LauraMipsum · 08/11/2020 21:03

If it was just about the meal I'd say YABU because it is SUCH a pet peeve that when I serve up meals DP suddenly needs the loo or has just begun a task that can't be abandoned.

But his reaction sounds seriously disproportionate. It reminds me of teachers who would make latecomers stand for a lesson or stay behind in the lunch hall to finish - deliberately humiliating. And in front of your DC. I hope you're okay.

DeRigueurMortis · 08/11/2020 21:05

Ah I've just seen your update (I started my post then got distracted - so only saw that after I posted).

I'm sorry you're unhappy.

It does sound like there's more going on here and perhaps subconsciously being late was a way of getting back at him - a way to vent your unhappiness?

It's awful being in an unhappy relationship - it can be so draining - death by a thousand cuts.

Maybe you should post in Relationships and get some advice there - focusing on the bigger issues rather than Sunday dinner?

Good luck Thanks

letsdolunch321 · 08/11/2020 21:06

I think your DH is being a massive wankstain. Why leave the washing another 20mins getting creased in the machine!?!? 🙄

You did the right thing OP, leave him to sulk. #manchild

Teddybear27 · 08/11/2020 21:10

@AlrightTreacle
Drama Llama - love it! 😊

Arborea · 08/11/2020 21:11

Gosh this reminds me of how we always had to wait for my brother and dad at least half an hour to deign to grace us with their presence on Sunday dinnertime. It was such a transparent power trip that I get arsey about people doing it even now, so I can understand how your OH may have a short fuse about it. However it sounds like you have more than just this one thing going on, so good luck with it all. If he's grumpy about more than this one thing then maybe there's more to consider when weighing up the relationship.

SpilltheTea · 08/11/2020 21:12

I'm sorry you're unhappy OP. It sounded like there was more going on than just the roast dinner. I don't think you were unreasonable though, I wouldn't leave washing to get creased either. He's being petty and childish.

Lowkeevslucille · 08/11/2020 21:12

Good grief, you need more set of uniforms, it's ridiculous.

Or wash uniforms on Friday night so they have the entire weekend to dry.

That said, in my house, whoever cooks tends to give a 5 minute warning, so the others can finish whatever they are doing and be downstairs by the time food is ready. It helps.

SpilltheTea · 08/11/2020 21:15

The people giving you grief clearly haven't read your updates.

Dullardmullard · 08/11/2020 21:18

Ffs you’d of been what 5-10 minutes with his already cooked chicken and frozen veg.

I’d leave him to his sulk and decide what your going to do for the future.

SunshineCake · 08/11/2020 21:29

Yesterday I kept dh waiting while I hung up the washing as some was needed for tomorrow and once I started helping him I would probably forget and I'd be busy a while.

YWNBU and he is an arse. I suspect he cooks rarely and wanted huge praise when he does.

Coffeecak3 · 08/11/2020 21:29

Reading this makes me so thankful for a balanced , even tempered dh.
If anything I’m probably more likely to be unreasonable. Neither of us ever sulk though.
Sorry your going through this OP. Seems like you have some thinking to do.

Savourysenorita · 08/11/2020 21:31

Sorry to say it but your bloody lucky your DH cooks a Sunday lunch.

Littleposh · 08/11/2020 21:32

@MadameBrioche

The reason I didn’t do the washing earlier is because DS had a big exam on Saturday which took half a day and I did all the driving to and from (DH refuses to drive as he has poor spatial awareness). Today I would have done it earlier but we went to the playground at DH’s insistence to do something together as a family, again I did the driving. Between then and dinner I’d done 4 loads of laundry.
Why couldn't your DH d the washing while you were taking him to the exam??