To be sick of miserable people shouting at (my) children?

[Yellowballoon77]

I am a SAHM so I see this a lot more than DH does. Especially since - in order to keep sane - we’re generally out and about every chance we get.

I think this is a lockdown / Covid thing, but I am SICK of people mindlessly telling off my kids for pretty much no reason. I’m all for “the village” mentality, but the “village” feeling quite mean-spirited and I've had enough.

Things that happened this last few weeks:
3-year-old ran from one bit of the paved park to another, across the path of an older couple walking. 3-yr-old didn’t bump into anyone, didn’t make anyone have to swerve or even slow down really, and was probably still about 2m away from them, but the lady (maybe in her 70s) shouted “get your child away from me!” And then, when I responded with a gaping mouth, she said, “Put your child in school! They shouldn’t be out like this!”

Another instance:
Park today, preschooler and school-aged child doing cartwheels on the grass. A dog wanders over, so school-aged child (who absolutely loves dogs) asks the owner if he can stroke the dog. Owner says “No, don’t touch other people’s pets!” (A Covid fear, I know, but the kid asked!) and then dragged his dog away by the collar and muttered “fucking kids” under his breath. I mean... whaaaat?! The dog wasn’t touched! I was . Man wouldn’t look at me at all, I told him to stop being so rude to kids. He heard me, but didn’t look me in the face.

Another example: kids playing loudly (how dare they?!) in our big shared garden. Woman who I don’t know sticks her head out the window and shouts “shut up! Shut up!” And then slams the window. It was about 1pm.

I have about three other examples of the same kind of thing.

And pretty much NONE from about a year ago and beyond so sure it’s a Covid fear and kids are easy targets to yell at.

I’m sick of it. It’s really starting to bother me and make me wonder if it’s like this everywhere now, or just where I live.

Am I alone in noticing it?!

I do agree shift workers may be trying to sleep, but it's not reasonable to keep quiet all day in all places (outside, inside) just in case your neighbour you don't know is a shift worker is it? I mean if they called out 'sorry to bother you, I'm a shift worker at the local hospital, would it be ok to keep the noise down a bit' then that would be different. People are knobs at the moment.

Long before COVID or having my own child I was conscious of how scared elderly relatives for whom I was the carer could feel if a little kid ran around them. Worries about falling limit lots of people.

You really do need to think about that when out with a child.

I loathe seeing little kids running helter skelter through the supermarket for this reason. You can see people tense up. It’s not fair, it’s anti social and it’s easily avoided.

I have young children and they just seem very aware of keeping their distance from others. They stay close to my side. I have to say that I find it really annoying when other children come right up to us, especially when the parents are a fair way from them and not controlling them. I feel as though I put the effort in to keep mine under control, whilst some parents are seemingly oblivious to anybody else around them. I also try to keep them fairly quiet in the garden, as I appreciate that there are a lot of people couped up right now and that noise can be especially annoying.

By the way, if anyone knows how to teach a 3-year-old to stay away from others and keep their distance please tell me!

You tell them to stay away from people. If they won't listen they stay with you and hold your hand.

Yanbu OP.

People are stressed and anxious and it's showing through.

On the other hand people are spectacularly intolerant. Children playing in a shared garden are allowed to make noise. It's happy and I hope they never stop.

People expecting convent-like silence are miserable, joyless and totally unrealistic. Don't take any notice of such grim dreariness

OP - all three of those situations YANBU. Look at the comments on here - there is a proportion of people on here who are being an arsehole towards you just because they can. People are arseholes towards children, because they can. What does that say? It says more about the arseholes than it does about you. You are getting your DC out, in green spaces, in London which is positive for your DC's development. Your parenting sounds good. I used to be a social worker. Yoy sound mindful. Years ago children were out making noise, playing and running about for hours, it was expected and it was a social norm. People complain about kids being entitled and cooped up on screens nowadays then people complain about them doing the opposite. It is the complainers misery. Leave them to it.

I think we're all so used to having to keep distance that it can be alarming to have people near you. I know that sound stupid writing it down, but it's certainly my experience, even if it's children.

I haven't had any experiences myself but I've noticed a lot more mutterings about kids being filthy germ spreaders and dirty and general negativity about little ones. I wouldn't be surprised if that message is making some people feel negatively about children.

Re 3yo needing to run - he can run in your garden, he can run in an enclosed playground (anyone who goes in there clearly accepting the "risk" of small children!). But in the same way I don't want strange dogs running uncontrolled up to me (I hate dogs with a passion) I don't let my child run up to strangers as they may not like kids! Especially at the moment. Luckily she will listen and come back when I tell her to. If your child won't then you need to work on that or control him pre-emptively until he will.

I can’t stand that loud high pitch scream kids do, not saying yours do this, but I find this so annoying.

1.If children were 2 m away, woman was being U

1. Reasonable to say don't stroke the dog. No need for the 'fucking kids' though - your son did the right thing by asking permission.
2. Impossible to say without knowing how noisy they were being.

@PodgeBod

I haven't had any experiences myself but I've noticed a lot more mutterings about kids being filthy germ spreaders and dirty and general negativity about little ones. I wouldn't be surprised if that message is making some people feel negatively about children.

Have you. That’s so sad! Honestly can’t believe people make such vile comments.

I'd be annoyed if this happened to me but it never has, I usually come across quite a few people on days I have DS and no one has ever said anything nasty to him and 99% are friendly.

I'd wonder why so many people are making comments.

Can't believe no one has picked up on this:

@yelyah22 The 'fucking kids' comment is one I've made under my breath when children in supermarkets are being annoying so I won't judge him for that - some people just don't like children!

Try replacing 'children' with women/old people/POC etc etc and realise how unreasonable and intolerant you are! Children are just other people, one cannot simply choose to 'dislike' them as a class and therefore find it acceptable to swear about them when they have done nothing wrong, or assume that the bad behaviour of some children you have experienced previously means you are justified in 'not liking' all children you come across. What a depressing attitude.

Btw I do think the people you have encountered seem to have expressed themselves a bit harshly but in the case of the elderly lady it may have been fear, and people generally are quite tense at the moment.

@Daphnise

Maybe your children are not as well behaved in the eyes of others as you obviously think they are?

When I am out I don't want children coming near me at the moment- and feel they should not be on the loose to even be able to do so.

Maybe you shouldn't be going out at all if you are feeling so threatened and scared by children.

A brisk fuck off usually helps "put your kid in school" fuck off "keep your kid away from me" fuck off "dont touch my dog" PUT YOUR FUCKING DOG ON A LEAD AND FUCK OFF

I don't give a shit if its lockdown Its no excuse to be rude

Sounds really unfortunate! Definitely feel
like lockdown can a lot of people miserable.
One time we were playing outside in the garden with the kids in the summer,
A neighbour from a few doors down shouted out from their window
"Can you shut your bloody kids up".
I felt so angry as it was afternoon, the weather was hot and the kids were just playing around having fun.

Some people think their little darlings are entitled to screech outside other peoples’ windows whether or not those people are trying to work, sleep before a night shift, just come out of hospital and trying to rest etc, We live in a small close where non resident children sometimes come and ride their bikes/ scooters round and scream the place down. when I asked one group to stop screaming I got a mouthful. There are two sides to this type of scenario.

I think a lot of people are struggling with 2nd lockdown in general and so noise is getting to people particularly those working from home. Everyone has just had enough of the situation now and other people’s children can be annoying. To you there are YOUR children but to some others they may just be more noisy kids. It is not easy for anyone at the moment.

People are more intolerant of others at the minute, and for some reason feel the need to make others aware of their feelings.
Today I was out running and almost ran out in front of a car, car beeped I stepped back on to the pavement and put my hand up to say sorry. Driver shook his head at me, fair enough.
Car behind him opens his window to shout that I'm a 'wanker'.
So annoyed on behalf of the first driver that he couldn't pass without letting me know his feelings.

Ignore them and carry on with your life, its their problem not yours.

@gerispringer

And some people sound so entitled, yes you!
Do you live by the seen and not heard saying?

I agree that people are tense, and older people are more afraid than the young, which is understandable. But shouting and being rude helps no one. It makes the tension worse.

On the noise issue, I do understand the neighbour's frustration if the children were screaming.

We live a short distance from a group of daycare (nursery and after school care). They are all in a cluster. Probably six buildings with play areas outside. It seems there is always at least one "screamer" who thinks screaming at the top of their lungs is fun. Right now we have one who basically screams all day. Not crying, piercing screams. Like kids do when they are playing games where the object is to scare each other.

I have tried many times to politely suggest that screaming should be discouraged. They always reply in a manner that makes it clear they believe I am objecting to crying, which I am not.

Just screaming. Surely constant screaming is not necessary for healthy play?

I have been sorely tempted to yell "shut up" a few times, but I would feel bad about that. Perhaps the neighbour was not feeling well or was mentally struggling.

Please ignore the neighbour telling your kids to shut up. Your kids have a right to play outside and to be honest if your neighbour cant stand the noise she should use earplugs. You are doing a good thing by letting them play in the garden. As for the other strangers, how horrible! It must be bad luck like PPs suggest. Of course be extra mindful when out and about.

I mentioned earlier that I WFH full time at the moment - as much as kids annoy me (I don't have children so not used to their noise) I'd never in a million years tell them to fuck off or shut up.